


This Is Going To Be Fun

by sephet



Series: The Kids Aren't Alright [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorders, High School, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, The sexuality is implied but underage just to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 50,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6237631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sephet/pseuds/sephet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charon Academy is a last stop for troubled youths before they end up with a criminal record. Locus had been living at the boarding school for years, when new kid Felix shows up and makes everything more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day

Felix was pretty used to schools for “troubled” youths by now. When he’d started acting out in elementary school they put him in the special class. In Junior High he’d been sent off to one of those delinquent schools for kids with disorders the school system didn’t feel like dealing with regularly. So starting his first year of High School in an honest-to-god boarding school for the criminally inclined was less a surprise and more of a natural step. He was honestly surprised it took this long for his mother to kick him out, but it probably just had something to do with having to pay for it. He was pretty sure boarding schools were expensive, usually they were the playground of the rich and well-intentioned. This was not that kind of school.

He hadn’t brought anything with him so when the car dropped him off outside he didn’t have to carry any useless baggage like the other kids he saw lugging things around. The school provided uniforms, they weren’t allowed to have much for personal effects. Not that Felix really had anything to bring anyway. He followed the crowd absently keeping an eye on the other new kids. 

Charon Academy had a Junior High section, there would be people in his grade who had been there for years. He figured those were more likely the ones to look out for. He found most kids stuck to their year-mates, even when it came to harassment. Sure there was the occasional asshole who thought kicking someone two years younger than them was hilarious, but that wasn’t the norm.

No, Felix needed to be on the lookout for kids his year who knew the rules of this place already. They would know exactly how to break them and not get caught, so they were the biggest threat. And everyone in this school was going to be a threat. This was a school for fuck ups like him after all. And he already knew he was perfectly capable of being a threat.

After receiving his uniform he was assigned a dorm room and given a map. First test, how lost will you get in this hell hole. He expected there was supposed to be guides but he also suspected that he didn’t want to listen to some bullshit about what the school was supposed to be like. So instead he wandered away from the group and followed the map to his new room.

He supposed for most kids a room this sparse was a punishment, all Felix could think was that having a toilet attached to the room was a big step up. There were two desks, two beds, a large dresser and a closet. Two. That meant bunkmates. 

One of the beds was already made, one of the desks already had stuff on it. Checking he found that indeed half of the closet was full and the same was true of the dresser. His new roomie was already here. That either meant he was one of those cases that got sent early or he was one of the threats who had been here for years. He tapped his foot and looked over the other boy’s uniforms to try and get an idea of what he was dealing with.

The trend seemed to be ‘big’. Holding his school blazer up to the one in the closet the shoulders dwarfed his, it was a good few inches longer. Same story with the pants. Possibly over 6 feet then. Great. 

Felix had no delusions about his size. Age and race taken into consideration he was still short. He wasn’t sure his exact height, he’d never measured or been to a doctor who checked, but he figured he was over 5 feet by a little bit.

This was fucking bullshit. There was no way he could take this guy in a fair fight. Even if it turned out he wasn’t broad with muscle but fat he would have a serious size advantage. And the homefield advantage. This was some serious bullshit.

He put his things away and sat down on the bed that was still bare. He wondered if he should have at least tried to smuggle a knife in, but then again it never would have gotten in, he didn’t need to start the year in trouble. He also wondered if, given the assortment of pens and pencils on the other desk, he was supposed to have brought some sort of supplies. His mother hadn’t mentioned it, or bought him any, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t supposed to have them. 

He was considering stealing his mystery bunkmate’s pen when he appeared. Felix had been right, he was at _least_ 6 feet, shoulders broad and it was definitely muscle that filled out the school sweats. If there was fat on him it was the healthy kind normal people had. Felix found himself glad that at the very least he wasn’t stuck with some obnoxious white kid as he took in the other boy’s medium brown skin, black hair and dark eyes. He figured multiracial because he couldn’t place him exactly. Pacific Islander maybe? He thought the guy looked a little Native American too but he couldn’t be sure. Ultimately it didn’t matter. What mattered was the very large supposedly teenager standing in the doorway looking vaguely annoyed.

At least Felix figured it was annoyed, stoic seemed to be this guy’s schtick, and it was only the slight furrowing of the brow and down turn of the mouth that gave him away. Awesome. He and Felix were going to get along great. 

“Sup?” Immediately he regretted his first words, off to a great start sounding like some inane asshole with just one word. 

The giant teenager raised an eyebrow slowly as if the situation would go away if he gave it a stern skeptical look. He continued to say nothing and it set Felix on edge. Quiet meant a lot of things but he really hoped this time it didn’t mean broken ribs on the first day of school.

“So I’m Felix. I guess we’re roommates?” His voice was a little coaxing, this guy wasn’t giving him a lot to go off of. He hated new people. He never knew which tell meant ‘this has pleased me’ and which tell meant ‘I’m going to hit you now.’

The boy sighed and crossed his arms, studying Felix for a moment before responding. “Is that so?” His voice was deep. Puberty hit this kid fucking early and was very nice about it. Felix was a little pissed, this was not a first year high school student. This was fucking ridiculous. 

“Yup, that is in fact what it says on my little paper. I double checked ‘cause man repacking everything would be a hassle, right?” Felix grinned as the stupid giant took in the complete lack of change in their room. “Sooooo… you got a name? ‘Cause I can come up with one if you want but you’ll probably--”

“Locus.” Was the response. The boy, Locus, stepped into the room finally but didn’t sit down or do anything that made him less intimidating in any way.

“Seriously? Is that a name?” Felix started goading, testing the boundaries this Locus guy had. How hard did he have to push a button to get a reaction? What kind of reaction was he looking at? It was easier to just get it out of the way if this was the kind of asshole he had to tiptoe around he may as well learn early. “Like the bug or plague or whatever?”

“That would be a locust.” _Finally_ Locus took a seat at his desk, keeping his eyes on Felix. “My name is Locus.”

“Okay fine, cool, Locus it is. So anyway, I guess I’m your roommate now so I don’t… actually know what the protocol is here? Do we do 20 questions or each pretend the other exists?”

“I’ve never had a roommate, I wouldn’t know.” Locus’ voice was actually pretty hot, Felix was kinda digging listening to someone speak with a voice that didn’t crack or break every other word. 

“Yeah? Shitty. Guess I’m ruining your streak. You been here long? Like did you get sent here in Junior High or did you just get here first?”

“I’ve been here for three years.” 

“Wow and not once a roommate? Guess there’s some overcrowding or something. Sorry to take away your private suite.” He was going to die. He was invading the enemy’s fortress and he was absolutely definitely fucked.

“Do you always talk this much?” Locus sighed and leaned back in his chair. It did absolutely nothing to make him less intimidating. Though Felix did notice that his hair wasn’t short, it was pulled back in a stupid long braid. That was cool.

“Only when I’m awake.” Felix grinned brightly. Maybe Locus would be slower than him? That could be his advantage. Or this guy was buff from athletics and didn’t know how to fight. He might be able to survive if Locus didn’t know how to deal with someone fighting dirty. “So like are you seriously 15? Or whatever? I’m sorry I’m having trouble getting over this you are like at least three of me.”

Locus snorted, seemingly amused for a second before scowling. “I’m 16. My birthday is just before the cut off so I’m older, but not as much as you’re probably assuming.” That sounded like a rehearsed answer Felix didn’t doubt it was something that came up a lot. 

Felix got a bit of that, though in the opposite direction. Everyone thought he was younger than he was. Being short and skinny had a lot of downfalls. “Well I’m 15. Probably. So maybe there’s still hope puberty will give me a growth spurt or something.”

“Probably?” Locus gave him a confused look and Felix shrugged dismissively.

“Did you get _any_ of the unfortunate side effects of puberty? Seriously you look like you just skipped the awkward gangly stage and went right into being like… a superhero or something.” Okay so far no face punching. Locus hadn’t moved from the chair and Felix had no intention of moving from the bed any time so it seemed there was a stalemate. Or something.

“You just missed them.” Felix was pretty sure Locus was smirking a little. Maybe. It looked like it but it was very slight. “Did you get any of the fortunate side effects?”

“Okay fuck you. I have an _excellent_ complexion.” Felix crossed his arms in a show of indignation and Locus snorted. “Also my dick works great just in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.” The response was bland but not disgusted or horrified. Good sign. At least Locus was probably not going to beat the shit out of him for sucking cock. It was always helpful to figure out who would and who wouldn’t. He wouldn’t really change his behaviour, provoking people was too much fun, but he’d know to duck at least.

“So like what’s the big rule here. Either for you or the school or both or whatever. What’s the big issue?” Felix drummed his fingers against his arm. “Like if there’s something you’re gonna kick my teeth in for lemme know so I can like… not do it. Or something.”

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Locus frowned at that. Not angry, but he seemed… defensive, maybe hurt?

“Even if I ask _really_ nicely?” Felix waggled his eyebrows to lighten the mood. 

“I’m not going to hurt anyone.” Locus set his jaw and it looked like an important declaration for him. Maybe there was an unspoken ‘anymore’ to it. There _was_ probably a reason he ended up in this place. It’s not like this was a school for nice people.

“Okay. No hurting. Got it.” Felix sighed and stretched his legs out, letting them hang off the bunk. It was probably a shitty bed, but it felt pretty normal to Felix. He was probably not getting the full punishment experience. “I’m guessing that’s not a super common outlook here, though? I mean this is what… Pre-prison school? Right?”

Locus wasn’t happy with that, Felix could see that much, but it was the kind of unhappy that had a whole lot of _feelings_ behind it. Though Locus was doing a good job of hiding it, Felix was a master of faking it. Stoic was baby-steps, it’s a lot easier to fake indifference than happiness. At least that’s how Felix figured it. 

“Okay it’s not official but that was the whole speech I got. Like… ‘we’re gonna beat the bad out of you’ shit with a side of ‘fuck this up fuck up your life’ or something? I kinda got it second-hand from an unreliable source though so if this is actually the not shitty school that’d be great.”

“No. You’re right. This school has a high rate of students who become criminals. It’s supposed to be a reform school, but…” Locus frowned deeper. “A lot of students are lost causes.”

“Awesome. That is just the kind of optimism I would expect from a school with bars on the windows.” He licked his lips as he tapped his foot, agitated. “Bound and determined not to be a lost cause, I take it?”

“And you aren’t?” Locus’ scowl kept getting more pronounced. Oh this was the start of a wonderful friendship. Definitely.

Felix hummed, sitting back with a deeply thoughtful expression. The pause for thought seemed to disturb Locus more.

“Well I mean I’ll give it a shot, sure.” Felix announced finally. “But if I’m a lost cause I’m a lost cause, right? I mean I don’t really have any crimes planned so hopefully no prison… but I’m also pretty sure most people in prison weren’t like ‘yup so I’m gonna go get myself arrested today’ or something.”

“You don’t have much faith in yourself.”

“Oh I have oodles of faith in myself. Less faith in other people. Other people suck.” He nods sagely. “They mostly just fuck everything up.”

Locus paused to consider that, then nodded as well. “That’s true enough.”

“Oh good you’ve noticed. Definitely not a lost cause. Once you realise the system’s shit you can learn how to play it.”

“I’m not playing the system. I thought you said you weren’t planning crime.”

“I’m not planning crime, I’m planning _survival_.” Felix grinned wide, flashing teeth. “People are always, always gonna be looking for ways to fuck you. Literally or figuratively. That’s life. That’s people. If you don’t learn to deal with _that_... well that’s where you get stuck. You believe in people, depend on people, and they absolutely without a doubt will fuck you.”

Locus continued to frown at him. He didn’t have a rebuttal, Felix noticed, which was refreshing, but he didn’t seem pleased with the information either. Felix didn’t really blame him. There wasn’t exactly a point in _his_ life where he had much faith in other people, but he knew a lot of people did. He knew a lot of people needed that fantasy. He just thought it was pretty fucking stupid.

“Probably wouldn’t mind you fucking me though, gotta say. You’re pretty fucking built.”

Locus recoiled, the conversation swerve obviously throwing him. “What.”

“Seriously, offer is officially on the table. If you wanna fuck I’m game. You seem cool. Just like lemme know first and shit.”

“Let- You-” Locus was sputtering now, clearly embarrassed and a little horrified by the implications. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“Aw, boo.” Felix made a face and sighed. “That would have made it so much easier right? Like your fuck buddy is your roommate there wouldn’t be any sneaking around and shit.”

“Please don’t have sex with people in this room. This is my room.”

“My room now. Too. Shared room experience.” Felix laughed at the way Locus seemed to be blushing now. “But okay fine I can take that as a rule. No fucking in the home base. Never fucked in my own bed anyway it’s probably weird. Messy.”

Locus sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. This might not be awful after all. Bashful prude realist? He could deal with this. Plus there were going to be points when Locus took of his shirt and even if he wasn’t interested in fucking Felix could still steal looks.

“I’m guessing by the expression on your face you don’t know the perversions of the faculty then?” Felix grin widened at Locus’ expression. That was horror and confusion. He was getting better at reading this guy. “Like schools like this the faculty always has some rotten ones. Someone always has a schoolgirl fetish or something.”

“We are teenagers. That is illegal.” Locus groaned softly and buried his head in his hands.

“That’s never stopped people before.” Felix paused, then amended. “Well it’s stopped some people. Vaguely moral law-abiding people. It’s done shit all to stop other people. Those people are criminals. And as we’ve discussed criminals do, in fact, exist.”

“And you think they’re part of the faculty?”

“Oh Locs I _know_ they’re part of the faculty. This is exactly the place that they go. I mean who’d believe a delinquent piece of shit kid whose parents paid to get rid of them?” Felix hopped up off the bed and stretched. He kind of wished Locus’ eyes would linger on him all sexy like the strip of skin between his shirt and his jeans was appealing. He knew he could be appealing. Locus didn’t seem interested. 

“You’re seriously…” Locus sighed and shook his head. “What you’re describing is a serious crime. For a reason.”

“Wow you have a lot of faith in this school system. Damn. Is this place a magical not awful sin hole?”

“Sin hole? You’re making it sound like we have Wednesday Night Orgies.”

Felix made a face. “You are such a fucking virgin.”

Locus recoiled again. He was definitely going to have to get used to Felix’s shifting attention, or things were going to get pretty annoying.

“You are. You are actually a virgin aren’t you?” Felix grinned, this was… actually probably normal for most 16 year-olds, but it seemed absolutely hilarious that someone this hot was not just awash in sexual escapades.

“What. Does that matter? What-” Locus was legitimately flustered now. Holy shit this was fucking adorable.

“That is so fucking cute. Seriously? You’re built like a fucking pornstar and you’ve never…” Felix bounced on the balls of his feet.

“I am _not_ \--”

“I absolutely volunteer to be first. I can make you feel good baby.” 

“I am not having sex with you!”

“Fiiiiiiiine.” Felix’s shoulders slumped and he sighed. “But when you change your mind dude, I will get you off so hard, promise.”

“Stop.”

“Okay, okay, fine. I won’t make it weird since we have to live together and shit. Promise.” 

“You already make it weird.”

“Well less weird. Normal weird. I won’t creep. I get no. Promise.” He considered a little. “I might flirt. Occasionally. I just do that sometimes so I can’t really promise not to because it’s one of those like ‘I didn’t realise I was doing that oops’ things, right? So like if I accidentally flirt with you I’m not creeping it’s just an accident. Unless you want to take me up on in which case it’s totally on purpose.”

“You are a very confusing person.”

“Yeah… not the first time someone’s said that. Maybe you’ll get used to it?”


	2. First Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Locus was not prepared for Felix even remotely.

Locus couldn’t really say he was expecting something else. He wasn’t expecting anything. He knew the school had run out of space for single rooms and that he would be getting a roommate. He wasn’t entirely pleased about that but he understood the necessity. He wasn’t here for the luxury, he’d been extremely lucky so far.

He didn’t think though that he could ever have fully prepared for Felix. Though that seemed to give the teen too much credit. He wasn’t some miracle of absurdity straight from a young adult novel, he was just weird.

For one thing he hadn’t brought anything with him to the school, and had been very confused when it turned out school supplies and underwear weren’t things that the school provided. A member of the faculty had had to take him into the city to buy supplies and he had earned a detention for being ill prepared. He had a habit of implying something horrible and then changing the subject before anything could be further clarified. 

He changed the subject a lot, it was going to take getting used to. He’d known plenty of kids with Attention Disorders, kids whose parents thought their distracted behaviour was something that needed strict correction. Felix wasn’t completely dissimilar; fidgeting constantly, losing focus, and jumping at every noise. Locus suspected part of that last symptom also pointed to a history of abuse, but it wasn’t his place to put his nose into that. If Felix was being honest about half the things he implied then it could probably be taken for a given.

Histories of abuse weren’t uncommon here. Locus had his own that he had no interest in sharing with anyone. His intention was to get through school and put all of it behind him. He wasn’t going to follow any footsteps or live down to people’s expectations of him. He was going to be _better_ than that.

Felix didn’t seem to want to be better than anything. No that wasn’t right… he wanted to be better than everyone, but not in any way that seemed to matter to Locus. School work was a secondary concern to Felix, school sports seemed to be a joke to him, and school rules barely seemed to register. Their first week into High School Felix had been involved in three fights. He’d said to Locus he “didn’t want anyone thinking [he] was a little bitch”. Locus was pretty sure he would have been more successful at that if he hadn’t lost two of the fights. Felix seemed to have some sort of… David and Goliath complex. He was a couple inches over five feet, and maybe 130 pounds if one was feeling generous, and he spent most of his time finding an argument with kids twice his size.

He’d earned a week of detention and two days in the small isolation rooms that functioned as ‘suspension’ in Charon. None of it seemed to bother him.

“It’s all to plan, Locs.” Felix grinned despite his split lip as he flopped back onto his bunk. “Sure I didn’t beat _them_ but I put on a good enough show that _other_ kids, _smaller_ kids don’t have much interest in trying.”

“So you picked fights you would lose… so that other people wouldn’t pick fights with you?” Locus did his best to ignore the nickname, Felix seemed to have trouble calling people by their actual names or titles.

“Well I didn’t really plan on losing but it didn’t matter that much in the end. Either way, now fewer people see me as fresh meat.” Felix grabbed a tissue and pressed it to his lip as it started bleeding again. “I’m not gonna go down that easy.”

Locus raised an eyebrow slowly and gave the other teen a dry look.

“Don’t even.” Felix seemed to realise the implication of what he’d said before Locus got a chance to comment. “Most people have to at least buy me a drink first.”

“You’re fifteen.” Locus responded, trying to look back to his homework. They both had homework, but Felix didn’t seem to have much interest in doing his.

“You’re such a spoilsport. Everything’s illegal with you. ‘You’re too young to drink. Don’t have sex with your teachers. That’s assault. Smoking’s illegal for kids.’” Felix mimed mouths with his hands and rolled his eyes.

“You _smoke_?”

“Fuck no that shit’s gross.” Felix gave Locus an impish look and Locus regretted engaging him.

“For someone who said they weren’t planning any crime, you partake in a lot of crime.” 

“I am an impressionable teen, Locs.” Felix spread himself out on his bunk and Locus was a little envious he could actually fit. Being tall had its downsides when everything was built for normal-sized youths. “It’s expected of me to make mistakes. I just can’t properly appreciate the consequences of my actions yet.”

Locus regretted everything about this situation. He regretted talking to Felix, and giving Felix the impression he wanted to be talked to. He regretted letting the little brat sit with him at lunch (even if Felix always ended up trading his whole lunch for Locus’ pudding, which seemed unfair but it was Felix’s suggestion.) He regretted letting Felix worm his way into his life. If this was the first week he had no idea how he was going to continue his plan for the next three years.

He was going to keep a clean slate. He was going to be better than what was expected of him. Better than his history implied. He was _going_ to succeed. 

He decided to ignore Felix and focus on his homework. He knew there was probably going to be a refresher quiz soon to test how well everyone had kept their knowledge over the summer. He wanted to be prepared. He wanted to do well. 

He got through three problems before there was a sudden jerk on his braid. The noise he made was not dignified and he whipped around to glare at Felix who had seemingly stretched himself across the floor to be able to reach Locus’ hair without getting off the bed. “ _What_ do you want?”

“You were ignoring me.”

This is what it was like to have a cat. This little asshole was a cat made human. “Yes. I was.”

“Stop it.”

“I have homework.”

“Stop that.”

“Are you twelve?” Locus grumbled and pulled his braid free from Felix’s hands and tucked it safely over his shoulder.

“Do you let your hair down much you’d probably be really hot with it down. Like full princess hair. Your braid’s super long it must be like… past your ass or something.”

“It gets in the way when I let it down. It’s convenient in a braid.”

“Why don’t you cut it if you don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say I don’t like it, I said it gets in the way.” He glared at his textbook because looking at Felix seemed like it would just encourage him. Considering he was sprawled on the floor with one leg hooked on the bunk and his shirt riding up to show off his impressive collection of bruises. Locus could also see his ribs. He didn’t think Felix had much fat on his body at all, and it was a little unsettling. It was beyond the usual level of gangly puberty scrawniness. 

“Yeah I’m probably gonna have to figure out something new for my hair now I’m here.” Felix continued to muse, seemingly content on the floor for now. His hair was black and shaved close to his skull save for the top, which was long enough to pull back in a small bun and was bleached orange. “Unless I can smuggle in some bleach or something. I think this style suits me a lot it’s pretty cool, very--”

“I really don’t care.” Locus cut him off with a frustrated sigh. “I have homework. We _both_ have homework. Why don’t you do that instead of annoy me?”

Felix groaned from the floor. “Because homework is _boring_. You’re my roomie. We should get to know each other better.”

“We really don’t need to. We can just study and never speak to each other.” Locus had read the fourth problem on the page three times and had yet to actually absorb what the words said. “That really sounds like the best plan over all.”

Felix grumbled but eventually flopped into his desk and took out his brand new school supplies and textbook. Locus was honestly a little surprised, he’d expected a lot more protestation and whining before things went this way.

He got ten minutes of quiet before Felix threw himself dramatically onto the desk with a sigh of disgust. “This is bullshit is this seriously all you do?”

“Have you never done homework before?” Locus growled, agitation starting to show in his expression and posture.

“Well sure I’ve done plenty of homework in my time. Just only when there was nothing to _do_.” Felix propped himself up on his elbow and raised an eyebrow, it was bisected by a scar running from mid forehead to down his cheek. It seemed to have missed the eye but from the looks of things it had been a near miss.

“There’s nothing to do _here_.” 

“There’s you!” Locus growled and Felix threw up his hands in surrender. “That came out wrong. I mean there’s like… someone to talk to. Get to know you better, shit like that. That’s way more interesting. Math is bullshit anyway.”

“I want to finish the assigned problems before lights out. What will it take to make you _shut up_.” Locus glared as he watched Felix consider that for a moment, a look of deep thought on his face.

“Tell me what got you sent here.” Felix finally requested, sitting back on his chair and crossing his arms. He seemed smug and it was testing Locus’ patience. He had worked very, _very_ hard to get a hold of his anger and get himself under control over the past few years. Felix was starting to unravel it after one week.

“The foster system.” Locus forced himself to detach, it wasn’t worth getting angry. Felix’s weird issues weren’t _his_ issues. “I was twelve and a problem, so they sent me here.”

“You’re a foster kid?” Felix seemed genuinely interested in that but Locus turned back to his work.

“No more questions. Be quiet now.”

“Fine, I’m going to bed.” Felix’s voice was dramatically exasperated and he slumped out of his chair and onto his bunk, pulling his blanket around him in a huff.

“Sleep quieter.”

“Fuck you.”

 

\---

 

Locus woke up the next morning to find Felix already up. He supposed since Felix had gone to bed early and he’d stayed up late getting all his assignments finished it made sense, but Felix hadn’t really struck him as an early riser. 

He was standing in his boxers looking over the closet. There was something to Felix’s body language that was drastically different when he didn’t know someone was watching him. Locus stayed still so he could get an idea of this side of his roommate as well. Felix’s shoulders were slumped, his back curved in an exhausted slouch, his expression was actually serious, brows knit together, scowl etched into his face. His eyes seemed to be calculating something.

Seeing him without clothes on was also a bit startling. The boy was far too thin, though he seemed to have built muscle well enough there was barely any fat between it and his skin. Fifteen was young enough that he should still have some baby fat, but Felix looked… starved.

He jumped when he realised Locus was awake and staring at him, and in the brief instant before his entire demeanor changed there was panic in his eyes. Swiftly his shoulders went back and his face split into a grin. 

“Well good morning Sleeping Beauty. You look well rested.” Locus was pretty sure some of his hair had come free from his braid and was sticking to his face. Though, Felix had some equally ridiculous bedhead with the long bleached part of his hair matted and bent.

“What time…” He didn’t wake up to his alarm so he wasn’t late, and he was seriously considering going back to sleep if it wasn’t too close to 6:30.

“About 5. Yeah 5:07.” Felix was up on his toes again, Locus couldn’t decide if that was to make up for being short or because it was a good ready position if he had to run or fight. “Wanna shower with me? It’s early enough that we’d beat the rush.”

Locus took a moment to consider that, then groaned and pushed himself out of his bed. A shower would probably good, and if they got to the cafeteria early the food wouldn’t be picked over. “Was that intended to be an innuendo?”

“What? Oh, naw.” Felix waved his hand and grabbed his basket of shower supplies. “Fucking in a public shower is probably pretty gross, not on my to-do list.”

Locus sighed and shook his head, then grabbed his own supplies. “I think most things to do with a public shower are gross.”

“Yeah maybe if we hurry they won’t be full of hair yet.” Felix wrinkled his nose and stepped out the door, seemingly neither noticing or caring that he was in his boxers and nothing else.

Pulling off his shirt for the shower Locus jumped a little when Felix shouted. “Oh hey we’re twins!”

He stared at the very small Chinese boy, wondering what possible aspect could make the two of them even remotely ‘twins’. Felix bounded over with more energy than anyone should possibly have at five in the morning and pointed to the scar on the inside of Locus’ forearm. The circular burn had been left by one of the many foster ‘parents’ he’d had over the years. He couldn’t remember anymore what he’d done to earn being used as an ashtray but he’d been about eleven.

“See?” Felix held out his left hand to show Locus a very similar scar on his palm. “Twins.” Felix’s hand was littered with other scars, probably from knives, they covered his fingers, but the rippled pink scar tissue on his palm stood out glaringly now that he bothered to actually look.

Locus didn’t get a chance to respond before Felix was changing the subject again, something about expensive shampoo since it was all being charged to his mother anyway. Locus was only half listening, thumb running over the scar on his arm as he tried to shake the hazy discomfort from his mind. He wasn’t sure if having something in common with Felix was what was throwing him off so much or if it was the fact that their shared experience had been something unpleasant Locus tried to forget. He knew exactly how much getting that scar hurt, and Felix acted like it was just some neat coincidence. 

“Do you wanna borrow my conditioner? I got some fancy like coconut oil shit that’s supposed to make your hair all soft and shit. You got so much hair it’d probably do you more good than me.” Felix grinned and handed over the bottle, Locus accepted it automatically. “Wake up Locs, you’re moving in slow motion this morning. I promise we’ll get you coffee once we’re all squeaky clean, okay?” He said in the kind of tone an adult used to coax a young child into doing something unpleasant.

Locus shook his head and forced himself to focus properly, pulling off the rest of his clothes and setting it aside so he could go into the shower. He noticed Felix had stolen his own conditioner in exchange for the one he’d handed over. Locus didn’t really mind, it had been cheap and slightly useless anyway. He wondered why Felix had bothered getting something expensive if he had no intention of using it.

“Come on, move your ass!” Felix shouted. “Other kids will be waking up soon and I will leave you behind once they get here I swear to fuck.”

Locus sighed and undid his braid as he stepped into a shower stall, Felix wasn’t going to be someone he could ignore. This was going to make life far, far more complicated than it needed to be.

At least he got conditioner out of the bargain?


	3. First Aid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix has a fight, Locus has feelings

It took three months for Felix to piss off the wrong people. Wrong with an “oh fuck my life” attached. In his defense, they started it. First punch was thrown in response to some pasty piece of shit’s comments. Comments being a gentle way of saying slurs of varying types. Really he’d earned a broken nose with that. It might even help make his face look less generic and boring. He was doing him a favour really. 

Clearly the shithead’s brother did not feel the same way. Turned out most families watched out for eachother. If only families taught each other not to be complete shitheads none of this would have happened.

Big Brother was not as big as Locus, not nearly as muscular, but still probably had 100 pounds on Felix. And even with that advantage he went for a sucker punch. So really being a shithead probably just ran in the family or something. 

The unexpected blow to the back of the head kept Felix from landing properly and rolling back into form, he just barely managed not to land on his face. “Motherfucking son of a--” He scrambled to get to his feet when the second punch was thrown. That one he _just_ managed to dodge, but other students were gathering to form a ring around them, that would limit his mobility.

“So I hear you have a problem with my brother.” The asshole announced like this was some sort of television program. Like Felix needed the ‘reason I fight’ speech.

“I don’t know probably? Have I met your brother?” Felix grinned and deflected the next punch. The bonus with Asshole was that he seemed used to just using his size as an advantage in a fight. He didn’t actually know how to fight properly. That was useful. He even tucked his thumbs into his fists. He was not good at this.

“You broke his nose.” 

“Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?” Felix yelped when someone in the crowd pushed him back at Asshole. Fights were quality entertainment at Charon, they weren’t going to let it go down quickly.

“You’re a real piece of work you little--” Felix cut him off before he could find out what he was, the uppercut was messy, but the chance of making the guy bite his tongue was too good to pass up. He did not back up fast enough, though, and caught an open handed smack across the side of his head. Right over the ear. Mother fucker.

“Funny a guy your size’s gotta fight dirty. Is it the ‘roids shrinking your balls?” Felix growled. This was not a fun fight anymore. All he could hear from his left ear was a high-pitched shrill and it hurt like hell. The back of his head hurt too. The crowd was heckling and pushing and generally being a huge nuisance. 

The insult earned a charge from Asshole, and really anyone who actually used a _charge_ in a fist-fight deserved to fall ass over tit as a result. It was such a sloppy move Felix would have laughed, if he wasn’t getting majorly pissed off.

He swung a kick to Asshole’s knee with the side of his foot when he came back into range, but it was poorly aimed and his foot hit thigh instead. Still not fun, but less likely to make him fall down. It was there that everything basically fell apart. 

His stance was bad for the kick, it was too slow and too high, in return Asshole grabbed his leg. This was not a good position to be in in a fight. Once someone had the foot they could control most movement. Felix was off balance and trapped and before he could think of a way out Shithead decided to show up. He was no better fighter than his brother because he aimed his fist for Felix’s cheek. Felix had stronger cheekbones than Shithead had knuckles, but it still hurt and threw him off balance and back onto the floor.

“Oh I do remember you. Yep, you’re right, I have a problem with your brother.” Felix was well and truly pissed. He was also fucked, but mostly he was pissed. Not only was he losing, but he was losing to a couple of chucklefucks who didn’t even know how to fight. He memorised their faces. It was about all he could do when the both of them started kicking. That and try to protect his organs, he also did that.

“ _Enough!_ ”

 

\---

 

Locus was surprised when living with Felix started falling into more or less of a pattern. When Felix didn’t bring chaos with him it was classes, lunch, homework and sometimes supper. Felix didn’t always make it to that. After classes was often broken up with Felix’s many detentions but it was something like normal. It had only taken three months to get used to it.

He wasn’t used to Felix himself, the boy still managed to talk infuriatingly nonsense circles around him. But he was used to the idea that chaos was a part of his life now. He knew not to be too surprised that Felix seemed to only eat pudding and yoghurt but refused to eat ice cream, or that he might wake up to find Felix taping some injury quietly by lamplight in the middle of the night, or the fact that Felix sometimes stole his sweaters. It was annoying, odd, and slightly off-putting but it was part of living with Felix now.

The number of injuries Felix had collected in just three months troubled Locus. With everything Locus had done to distance himself from violence over the past couple years Felix dragging it back into his life was… unfortunate. He never got involved, except occasionally to help Felix bandage something he couldn’t reach. Felix knew he didn’t approve but never took it seriously. 

Fighting was not uncommon for Charon, and Felix throwing himself into it didn’t change the school in any dramatic way. Locus just had to become aware of it now. That was probably why he noticed the crowd gathered in the cafeteria. He probably would have glanced and ignored it typically, but this time he watched it, watched how the students treated it like a sporting event. 

Then he heard a voice that was definitely Felix’s. Maybe it was because he had been listening to Felix talk non-stop for the past three months that he was able to identify Felix from a cry of pain. Locus wasn’t going to analyze that. He just decided to shoulder his way through the crowd to see what exactly had caused that noise, an uncomfortable rage twisting in his gut. 

Felix was on the floor. Felix was curled up in the floor while two boys kicked and stomped at him. Two boys who seemed not to know that repeatedly kicking someone in the ribs could cause serious injury or death. 

“ _Enough!_ He bellowed, pushing himself into the ring and dragging both of the boys back. One was significantly larger than the other, but neither of them were expecting someone with Locus’ strength to suddenly jerk them back. They fell backward and were ignored. One thing Locus had learned since he grown a foot in grade 8 was that other students found someone of his size intimidating, and they would usually back off.

Felix threw up on the floor. Most of it was bile, there was rarely much in his stomach to begin with. None of it was blood. Locus figured that was likely a good sign. He crouched down to give Felix a quick once-over. He didn’t know if he’d suffered a neck injury or not, but it looked like he was all right in that way.

And possibly only that way. His face was bleeding and already starting to swell, even still he flashed Locus a grin with bloody teeth. “‘Sup?”

“Shut up.” Deciding Felix was safe to move Locus picked him up in his arms. Felix made a choked noise and his eyes rolled back briefly before he leaned his head on Locus’ shoulder. 

“Don’t poke my ribs they don’t feel good.” It took a few seconds for Locus to make words out of the slurred mess of sounds Felix had muttered into his neck. He resettled his grip and stood, again he was struck by how very light Felix was.

He glared at the crowd and they parted like something biblical and Locus stalked out of the cafeteria with long purposeful strides.

Two months before he’d been sent to Charon a kid in his old school had hit one of his foster sisters so hard she’d broken a tooth. At the time he didn’t think much about returning the favour tenfold. The people he lived with were his people, he didn’t like anyone to hurt his people. Somewhere along the way Felix had seemingly become one of his people. 

He was very glad he didn’t remember the faces of the boys who had done this. He was not going to hurt anyone anymore. But it might have been too tempting if he’d had a target. 

 

\---

 

Felix was pretty sure he was concussed. He didn’t have anything else to throw up and he kinda hoped he’d gotten some on either Asshole or Shithead when it’d happened. If he couldn’t be intimidating he could at least be annoying. 

“You’re my hero.” He giggled a little and regretted the action instantly. His ribs didn’t feel broken, he remembered what that felt like and it was worse than what he was dealing with now. But they were at least bruised, in multiple places. At least. 

“Shut up.” Locus growled. Felix was pretty sure he’d never seen Locus mad like this before. He’d seen him annoyed, frustrated, irate, and grumpy. This was rage. This was the kind of anger that drove people in very dramatic ways. He’d suspected there was something dark in Locus, and now he was getting a peek at it. It felt familiar and comfortable and Felix didn’t feel like analyzing what that said about him. 

“They cheated.” Talking was very painful but Felix still felt the need to defend himself to Locus. “Sucker punches and shit.”

“Stop. Talking.” Locus’ legs were impressively long. Even though he wasn’t running or anything they were still moving really fast. Or Felix lost consciousness at some point and missed all the parts of the school between the cafeteria and the nurse’s office. Locus kicked the door lightly since he couldn’t knock and a woman answered.

“Hello nurse.” Felix croaked and gave her a weak grin. She seemed about as amused as Locus was. Which was not very. He didn’t actually see why everyone _else_ was pissed. _He_ was the one hurt. He was allowed to be angry about it. It was just weird when other people got angry over that sort of shit.

“Well if it isn’t Felix.” She sounded tired. Phyllis had apparently been working with Charon for only a couple of years. Before that she had been a Registered Nurse in an ER. Seemed she thought a school would be quieter. “Lay him on the cot there and I’ll see if we need to get him to a hospital.”

“Nooooo…” Felix whined as Locus set him onto the bedding, he didn’t _want_ to go to the hospital. 

“Shut up.” 

“All you have done is yell at me, I am injured here.” Felix whined and tried to find a non-painful way to settle on the cot. His whole body felt bruised. Or bleeding. He seemed to be bleeding in places too. Locus was telling Phyllis something about him not puking blood. Felix was sure it was supposed to be important but he was also seeing double and having trouble keeping things straight. He felt like a skipping movie, one second he’d be watching Locus and Phyllis talk, the next Locus had found a chair and Phyllis had found a light. The light was very noticeable because she had decided that flashing it in his eyes was a really great thing to do.

“I already told you I have a concussion stop!” He whined again and pushed at her hands weakly. Blinding light was the last thing this headache needed.

“No, you didn’t.” Locus’ voice was very low and detached. He was still pissed. Was he pissed at Felix? That didn’t seem altogether fair. He was the one hurt after all. 

“No?” He frowned and considered that. “Did I think it loudly then?”

“I don’t believe you were thinking at all, at any point in this situation.” Locus was just being a jerk now. Felix would not get extra breakfast for him tomorrow that was for sure. 

“Why are you being so mean. I gave you my conditioner.” 

Phyllis was poking him again. He didn’t know what she was finding by poking him in the gut a bunch but it seemed to satisfy her. Something was not bad in his stomach area. That was good. When she started poking his ribs things were significantly less good. He didn’t want to be showing this much pain in front of Locus, or anyone really but he was starting to think maybe Locus’ opinion was worthwhile. The concussion was getting in the way of faking it, he couldn’t think properly enough to prepare for each jab of Phyllis’ fingers.

“They aren’t broken that hurts more please stop that.” Felix whined again pushing at Phyllis’ hands. Both she and Locus seemed vaguely scandalised by that proclamation so it was probably not a normal thing. “Is it still a liability to give me painkillers?”

“I think it would be best to get an X-ray.” Phyllis crossed her arms and sighed. “And no I can’t give you painkillers. Maybe you’ll be prescribed some when we go to the hospital.”

“What? I don’t want to go to the hospital. Don’t call my mother okay? Just tape me up and I’ll sleep it off.” Panic spiked at the thought. Normal schools called parents when this sort of shit happened didn’t they? If they had to go to the hospital they would need his mother’s insurance or something. And her permission. He was still a minor. 

“You don’t sleep off a concussion, hon.” Phyllis sighed and picked up her work phone.

“Locus tell her I’m okay and don’t need a hospital.” Felix turned to Locus to find a wall of barely suppressed anger. Not an ally. Why wasn’t he being an ally? He had carried Felix all the way here. He’d stopped the fight. That meant he cared right? Or was he reading things wrong? He was really inexperienced in all this _feelings_ bullshit.

 

\---

 

Despite protest Phyllis and Locus managed to get Felix in a school car, and Phyllis drove him to the hospital. Locus saw them off and returned to his room. He sat on his bunk and breathed. After a moment he pulled off his uniform and changed into sweats. Felix had bled on his clothing. Locus wasn’t sure he cared enough right now to try and wash it out. 

Anger was starting to make him sick. It twisted in his stomach and made his heart race. He was angry at the boys who had done this. He was angry at Felix for somehow dragging him into all of this. He was mad at himself because really he’d dragged himself into things. 

He didn’t have to stop the fight. He didn’t even have to notice it. Felix hadn’t called out to him or pulled him into things. Locus had heard Felix cry out and Locus had acted. How violent had tossing the boys aside been? Surely they hadn’t been hurt by it. 

He turned off the lights and closed the door. He knew he was skipping his afternoon classes. He knew he would be in trouble later. Someone might even come looking for him when classes started, so there wouldn’t be much of a point but he just felt… tired. He breathed and focused and pushed the anger away, in its place came a deep weariness and guilt. 

Felix was going to destroy him, and it was going to be because Locus was starting to care.


	4. First Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix makes friends, and Locus is an asshole

Felix spent the night at the hospital and if they called his mother nothing came of it. Except probably that something was covered and Felix didn’t have to worry about the cheque. He had apparently also been half right about his ribs. They were not broken, they were cracked. None of his organs were ruptured or damaged. The concussion was a nasty one and he ended up throwing up again when they gave him some water. They hooked him up to an IV after a blood panel showed… some sort of lack in his system. Maybe he was dehydrated? Possibly malnourished. Once he realised he could get away with not listening by blaming it on the concussion he stopped paying attention. Especially when they gave him the pain drugs.

They wouldn’t let him lie down but he managed to sleep sitting up anyway. Which was still interrupted every hour or so to ask him questions and make sure his brain wasn’t seriously damaged.

When asked about who had hurt him Felix had said that he didn’t know, which was true enough. He would get his own revenge. He didn’t want to get the legal system involved. If those fuck ups managed to get themselves caught and arrested that would be their problem.

The next morning they taped him up and sent him back to school. He’d scored a couple days off for the trouble though. He had an actual doctor’s note and everything. Thank fuck Phyllis was a sensible sort of person and she didn’t treat him like he was broken because of this. He’d decided in his other visits to the nurse’s office that she was a tolerable human being, it would be unfortunate if he had to start hating her now.

He grinned when he saw Locus getting ready for classes when he got back to their room. On the topic of tolerable human beings, Locus was pretty close to his top. For the moment. He’d been a grumpy jerk about it, but he’d saved him from… wherever that fight was going to end up. Picked him right the fuck up. He wasn’t childish enough to start imagining his life was like one of the cheap paperbacks he’d read, as if a small act of kindness redefined a person or a life. But he could count the number of times someone had helped him on one hand. So it meant… _something_.

“Locs! You would not believe the drugs they… gave… me…” His voice trailed off as Locus picked up his books and walked past him without so much as looking at him. Being treated like he was invisible wasn’t new. It shouldn’t be something that mattered anymore. But Locus was… _something_. He meant something. Somehow that made it matter.

“What the fuck? Locs? Locus!” He called after Locus and winced when yelling irritated his ribs. Locus didn’t break stride, just continued down the hall as if Felix hadn’t said a word.

Felix decided to blame the painkillers and stress for why that made his throat go tight and his eyes sting. There wasn’t a point to getting emotional otherwise.

“Come on Felix this isn’t new, get it together.” He mumbled to himself as he shuffled into the room. He made himself a little nest in his bunk to stay upright while he napped and tried to remember how to be himself again.

 

\---

 

Locus felt petty. He was being petty so it was an appropriate way to feel. He didn’t have friends, didn’t even really have acquaintances. Friendships were always something that had confused him in some way, he’d felt more comfortable watching people from a distance than participating. The way people acted was interesting, but not particularly useful to him. Sometimes he thought he should try mimicking the way normal children behaved, but he couldn’t find a real use in it.

Felix was not the first person to talk to him. He wasn’t the first person to not be afraid of him. But he had been the first one to persist. Normally three months was a lot longer than anyone had the patience for. He had been told many times that it was “like talking to a wall.” It didn’t bother him. He hadn’t needed people in his life before, he didn’t make plans around needing people in the future. He had people he cared about, in a distant sense. Depending on the place he was homed he became very protective of the children younger or smaller than him. It had made him angry to see them hurt.

There were a lot of things that had made him angry as a child. 

Until he was fourteen years old he had acted on that anger without much thought or care for the repercussions. The distance he kept from other people made it easy, too easy. They didn’t matter. When they made him angry, he would hurt them. The fact that they were hurt didn’t affect him. Just like when he was hurt it didn’t bother anyone else. 

During the year that he turned fourteen he grew a foot in height. While it was extremely painful, there were nights where he simply lay breathless in bed from the aching in his legs, it also put him in a different category. He was not among his peers with boys his age, he was so much larger. His muscle mass came slowly afterwards through work and the progression of puberty. If he hurt someone it was no longer nothing. He still felt nothing for the people who had angered him. They still, for a long time, seemed to have earned their pain. But it wasn’t right anymore. 

He hadn’t had help sorting his emotions. He’d done it all on his own, and it had taken a long time and a lot of work. He’d read about anger, about controlling one’s thoughts and moving past. He detached himself from his peers, even authority figures were simply ‘people he had to listen to’. They didn’t _matter_. But he didn’t want to be the monster that everyone had begun to expect of him. They’d expected it for a long time, it didn’t used to bother him. 

He was _better_ now. He had control. He could control himself, and therefore could control the path he took. He could become something after he left this place behind.

Felix had broken his control.

He had not been so angry in years. He hadn’t _cared_. He had been detached and in control, and then he had heard Felix cry out in pain. Suddenly years of self-improvement had evaporated. He wanted to blame Felix. It was so easy to just blame Felix for being the cause of his relapse. But he was in control of his own life. He was responsible for his own emotions, and how he acted on them.

It was his fault for caring. So that was what he needed to deal with. He needed to stop caring. Caring for Felix, letting him in, it was a weakness. It made the grip on his emotions weak, it made his control slip.

So he decided he would simply cut Felix out of his life. 

It was not going to be a simple task since they lived together, but if he ignored the boy long enough perhaps he would simply stop trying. 

It was so terribly petty. But Locus needed to be in control, if he wanted to have a future, a _good_ future, he needed to be detached.

Eventually it wouldn’t hurt, he figured. This had been his normal for years before Felix had demanded his attention, this would be normal again. 

 

\---

 

Locus was being a fucking cunt. 

Felix had been sure to let him know this regularly, because there wasn’t much he could do otherwise. Locus had returned to their room after classes, dropped the homework Felix had missed on Felix’s bed, and set to work on his own. All without speaking or even looking directly at him.

A complete, fucking, _cunt_.

Eventually he’d had to resort to silent glaring when his ribs started to hurt too much, but he also stole Locus’ pillow when he was busy being a cunt and ignoring him. He’d see if Locus could continue to ignore him after that. 

Considering he had ignored Felix through half an hour of yelling chances were probably pretty good that he could. No matter how he reacted though, Felix would either have Locus’ attention, or he’d have Locus’ pillow. One win was slightly larger than the other, but it still meant he won.

 

\---

 

Locus had still not spoken to him a week later, so Felix decided to add him to the petty revenge list. He just needed something befitting the crime. Revenge was always more fun when it was thematically appropriate. And just yelling at him nonstop hadn’t helped anything. He would figure it out, in the meantime he had other revenges to plot.

The official plotting began when he returned to classes. He had an acquaintance in science class (which was one of the classes he did not share with Locus due to Locus taking all three science options instead of the ‘fuck it’ option.) Some burn victim kid named Terrance, usually had his own group of friends to sit with, but was likewise abandoned to Science For Idiots Who Hate Science. Terrance had been to Charon since Junior High, and Terrance knew who people were. So step one had been ‘get Terrance to identify Shithead and Asshole.’

Step one had been extremely easy because Terrance did not give two watery shits about any of Felix’s ‘drama’. Their names were Mitchell and Benjamin Watts. Mitchell was in their age group, Benjamin was graduating at the end of the year. Knowing their names gave Felix access to a lot of new information. Unfortunately the very limited internet access in Charon meant cyberstalking was virtually useless in this scenario, but Felix found other ways. 

He watched, and he listened, and he made ‘friends’ with people around him. He even spent time with Terrance’s group of friends for a while. It was extremely convenient that Felix had all this time to make connections and not think at all about Locus and his wall of absolutely not hurtful silence. 

Felix was a people person. He annoyed people, sure, but he also drew people to him. The right smile, a well timed joke, the appropriate posture and he could win people over. It had taken him a long while to learn this, it was not a skill he had been born with. He had been awkward, angry, violent, and very without allies in elementary school. But he watched. He learned what made the popular kids popular. He mimicked body language and faked confidence, timing was harder but soon he knew what to say and when. Moving to a new school this year had been something of a blessing, no one here knew him from before. No one had memories of him before he learned to fake it. Starting fresh was a lot easier than convincing people he was no longer an alien lifeform.

Charon had its fair share of loners. People who didn’t fit in either because they didn’t want to or because they were socially inept. Poor social skills were not uncommon, Felix had found, in ‘troubled’ youths. They watched though. Either with envy or curiosity most outsiders watched what happened around them. It was like a network of security cameras just waiting to be tapped into.

Felix made it a point to ‘befriend’ as many of the outsiders as possible. They were his information net, and also his backup should anyone decide to fuck with him while he was injured. He hadn’t expected Locus’ help, but the act been _inspiring_. He needed more people who would defend him. And lonely teenagers were just _so easy_. Notice them, talk to them, remember things about them, then you mattered. Felix felt pretty brilliant for remembering all these useless things about people he didn’t really care about. It was like memorising trivia. He likes when people ask him about his books, she wants people to notice her drawings, that one really just wants someone to listen to his problems. Making time for all of them was a hassle but he was sure it would pay off somewhere along the way. He couldn’t make himself bigger, until his ribs healed he couldn’t make himself stronger, but if he had people? There was a threat in people. 

“So what the fuck is up with you and your boyfriend?” Abbey was one of his new friends. She was buff, but average looking. She dyed her hair an obnoxious shade of yellow and was, as far as Felix could tell, always covered in paint.

“I have a boyfriend?” Felix looked up from his pudding cup with an innocent expression. “And no one told me?”

“She means Locus.” Anthony was Abbey’s… boyfriend? Brother? Weird cousin? Felix wasn’t actually sure, except that the two never seemed to separate (except probably when it came to the gender segregated bunks.) He looked kind of like her? Though while she spoke with a bubbly almost giggle, he seemed about ready to burst into tears at any moment. 

“Why would I know what the fuck was up with Locus? I don’t have anything to do with him.” Felix scowled and returned his attention to his pudding.

“You two went like everywhere together. For months. Now he’s back to bein’ all… serial killer eyes.” Abbey seemed resigned to having paint fleck off into her food and picked up her sandwich.

“Back to? So you guys knew him before?” Felix leaned back. He didn’t really want to talk about Locus. Talking about Locus meant thinking about the fact that Locus was being fucking shitty right now. But if there was a story in it… never could have too much info.

“We’ve been here since Junior High, too. You’d see him around. When he got tall you couldn’t help but see him.” Anthony said glumly, stabbing at his cup of noodles to break them up. 

“He was super creep. Like he never talked to people, hid out in corners. Like if you crossed him you ended up in the hospital or some shit.” Abbey put down her sandwich and wiggled her fingers enthusiastically. “It’s like super Mike Myers or something.”

“He put people in the hospital?” _That_ was interesting.

“That never happened.” Anthony sighed.

“It totally did! I knew a kid who saw it! Said they loaded the poor fuck into the ambulance while Locus just stood there. _Watching_.” Abbey told the story like it was some kind of campfire horror.

“That kid went into anaphylactic shock from a bee sting.” Anthony sighed and finally ate some of his noodles. “And Locus watched fuckin’ everything. She is right about that part. He just kinda lurks.”

“Right?” Abbey’s voice almost squeaked. “I didn’t know he could talk until you started sitting with him and shit. It was like fuckin’ reality shifted.”

“And now he’s back to lurking.” Anthony looked over to the corner of the cafeteria where Locus had a table all to himself. Felix looked over to check and there was his roommate sullenly eating and watching the room. He wasn’t looking anywhere near where Felix was sitting though, and that was… disappointing somehow.

“Well. He’s not my boyfriend. And he’s having a fucking shit fit, I don’t know. Maybe he remembered he’s an asshole or something.” Felix sighed and leaned back on his chair. “There’s no story behind it, sorry dudes. Just a dick bein’ a dick.”

“Lame. I was hoping for drama. Save for you goin’ to the hospital things have been so fuckin’ boring lately.” Abbey sighed and pulled her sandwich apart.

“Yeah, hey about that…” Felix swerved the topic away from Locus quickly and set to finding out just how useful Abbey and Anthony could be to him.

He had roughly 4 more weeks of dealing with his ribs. When that time came he would be ready. He would make sure everyone knew _exactly_ why it would be a mistake to fuck with him.

One month. He could do that. It would be like a little Christmas present to himself. 

 

\---

 

Locus was not jealous. He wanted Felix to stop bothering him so really it was good that he was making other friends to annoy. It wasn’t… he wasn’t jealous. It was just that being alone seemed so quiet after he’d gotten used to Felix’s constant chatter. He just had to get used to it again. 

He couldn’t stop watching Felix though. The way he moved from person to person, social circle to social circle… As each bruise faded Felix collected a new friend. He couldn’t ignore it, no matter how he tried. He’d eat lunch and hear Felix laughing across the room. Go to classes and Felix was arguing with the teacher. In his room Felix kept stealing pieces of his bedding. Locus knew where to get new supplies so he never mentioned it, but there Felix was… everywhere Locus went.

The colder the weather got the more students talked about going home for the holidays. Two weeks of family, food, normal clothes. Locus hoped Felix went home for the holidays. A two week break from him might be just the way to stop caring for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. Two things. First, yes I'm adding the Insurrectionists, so that means I'm making up bullshit names. Abbey and Anthony are Chaingun Guy and Girl. As they appear I'll make notes for who they are.
> 
> Second and more shitty is that I am dealing with iritis right now and can't really... see all that great. So updates may be a little... bumpy. I have Chapter 5 written, it just needs editing, it should be up in a couple days but I don't know how long it will take me to get Chapter 6 done. I'm really really sorry. I will try and figure things out so there isn't a huge gap but, yeah, I'm sorry!


	5. First Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix settles some debts

At the end of the week Christmas holidays would begin. Felix wasn’t entirely healed but he was determined that he wasn’t going to let the Watts go home happy. So he gathered his resources. Abbey it turned out was in the art program (he had seriously not expected to find that there was an art program but there they were) and had gotten her hands on an exacto knife for him. It wasn’t what he was used to but he knew how to make use of it. Another friend had carabiners for his bags, since apparently he had decided on too many extra-curriculars or something, he was an innocent faced little white boy so no one blinked at it. Spray deodorant was the easiest thing to come by. It was so popular with most of the boys in his school it was everywhere.

Was it fighting dirty? Absolutely, but hey, they started it.

Finding out where Mitchell’s room was took a little work, but it wasn’t as if it was an actual secret, and a quick chat with a disgruntled roommate made slipping into the room before Mitchell got back easy as pie. 

He ended up not needing the deodorant for Mitchell, but he figured it would come in handy for Benjamin. Mitchell was a skinny coward who made other people fight his battles for him, until it was safe for him to jump in and throw a few blows.

The first thing Felix did was break his nose again. “This is starting to be a theme, Shithead.”

The things Mitchell shouted through his hands were far, far too crude for polite company so Felix hit him again. With his hands tucked into the carabiners he didn’t have to worry about the fact that the human skull was stronger than his knuckles. It was considerably less strong than metal.

This time his stance was right when he drove the flat of his foot into Mitchell’s knee, the resulting crack and scream were extremely satisfying. When Mitchell went down Felix kicked him in the ribs twice. Part of his pride demanded he stomp until something cracked, but the risk of accidental murder wasn’t worth it. He did kick him hard enough in the gut to make him puke though. He was careful to sidestep that. 

When he had decided that Mitchell was good and winded and unlikely to get up he crouched down to sit on his heels and look at his bloody little face. 

“So here’s the plan Mitch.” He pulled out his exacto knife and let the blade click out slowly for dramatic effect. “You took a mysterious fall. This never comes up again. You don’t fuck with me, I don’t take your fucking eye out.” He tapped the blade lightly under Mitchell’s eye for emphasis. “You got me?”

Mitchell made a noise of understanding but seemed too fixated on the blade to nod. 

“If you fuck with me. If you try something. I will find out. So every time you think it might be worthwhile to be a little shithead and fuck with my life? You remember just how _bad_ you’d look in an eye patch, kay?” 

Mitchell whimpered again, and finally nodded when Felix retracted the blade and got to his feet. “End of the day, Mitch? I’m a lot meaner than you can handle. So just stick to the background for a while.” He tucked the knife and carabiners into his pocket. “Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, right?”

 

\---

 

Benjamin had been harder to get to. The grade 12 bunks were in a separate area, and Felix was noticeably too young to simply walk in. Benjamin’s roommate ended up solving his problem, though it was a fucking pain to get him to agree. It wasn’t the worst thing he’d sucked a cock for, though… it did add ‘Kyle’ to the shitlist. So there was another revenge he had to plan. 

Oh well. In the end it got him into Benjamin’s room, alone to wait.

Taking the older boy’s size into consideration Felix knew he’d have to fight smarter rather than stronger. Benjamin’d already proven he was willing to fight dirty, Felix was just going to have to show him how it was done.

His opening move was to spray Benjamin in the face with the deodorant as he walked through the door. Blinded and in pain the larger boy went easily off balance and Felix was able to pull him into the room and kick the door shut. 

“Sup Benny!” Felix pulled Benjamin down to knee him in the face. “Time to settle some debts.”

He threw a punch into Benjamin’s gut then elbowed him in the back when he doubled over. Benjamin began cursing him in a series of slurs and impractical sexual positions as he tried to find his footing.

Felix had to admit, to himself at least, Benjamin could take a decent amount of punishment. Most people got kneed in the face and decided to just lay down for a little while. 

“You are not a smart man, Benny.” Felix laughed as Benjamin tried to swing blindly at him and he dodged easily. “So I figured I’d share a lesson with you, you know a little learning experience, right?”

He gleefully hopped on the balls of his feet as Benjamin staggered to try and turn towards him. The dorm room was small, but Felix still managed to dodge and swerve out of the way. “I mean this is probably why you started with a sucker punch isn’t it?” His tone was almost pitying as he struck him again hard in the side.

“You suck at fighting Benny. I’d suggest giving up and lying down, really.” Dodge, duck, rapid punch to the sternum and a quick hop out of reach. “But then you wouldn’t learn your lesson.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.” Benjamin’s voice was starting to slur a little, he staggered like he was drunk. 

“Yeah? Gonna have to try harder than that, asshole.” 

Benjamin charged again, like some kind of mad bull. Really all this asshole had going for him was his size. Felix dodged him nimbly and punched him as hard as he could in the kidney.

That was enough to make Benjamin drop. He let out a pained gasp and Felix kicked him hard in the ribs. “Now I’m a nice guy, I was _really_ considering returning the favour and breaking a couple ribs here, you know?” He kicked Benjamin in the gut to wind him and keep him down. “Don’t you feel so grateful?”

He sighed and looked over his damage, tapping his toe thoughtfully. It really just didn’t feel like enough. “So here’s the idea, Benny.” He stepped lightly on one of Benjamin’s legs, spreading it straight on the floor. “You earned this. You know you earned this. _So_ many people saw you earn this. This is me… repaying a debt. I like things even like that. But I want you to _remember_ this, Benny. _I know where you sleep_. I know where your brother sleeps. I know your friends, I know your name. You fuck with me? You report this? Well… what’s the cliche? ‘Snitches get stitches’?” He rolled Benjamin’s leg under his foot. “This is me annoyed, Benny. I suggest you don’t make me angry.” To punctuate the point he stomped down as hard as he could on Benjamin’s knee.

Benjamin almost screamed but Felix slapped his hand over his mouth and leaned in close, exacto knife out of his pocked in one fluid motion.

“You tell _anyone_? No one in the world could save you. I will hunt you. And I will hurt you. In ways you can’t even imagine. Got it?”

He wasn’t sure if Benjamin was actually crying or if it was the deodorant but it was still something Felix was saving as a happy memory.

Unable to speak Benjamin whimpered and nodded, breathing hard against Felix’s hand.

“Excellent. I’m so glad we got to have this conversation, Benny.” Felix released him and popped back to his feet, pocketing his equipment again. “You have yourself a merry little Christmas now.” 

 

\---

 

Locus was about ready to fall asleep when Felix returned. He was wearing an undershirt and the jeans he’d arrived in. He seemed happier than Locus had ever seen him, bouncing on his feet and humming to himself. Locus was prepared to ignore it until he pulled some bloody items from his pockets and began washing them in their sink.

“What did you do?”

Felix paused then looked over at him slowly. The expression on his face was unreadable as he studied Locus, then finally he dropped what he’d been washing and flicked his hands nearly dry in the sink.

“Well what do you know.” Felix turned on his heel and leaned against the sink a moment, tapping his fingers against it. “You can see me after all.” The tone of his voice was harsh and cold though a grin was beginning to spread across his face. 

“Felix.” Locus tried for a warning tone as he sat up on his bed.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t even try.” Felix arched off the sink and started walking across the room to Locus, slow and casual with his hips swaying lazily. “You know what you did. When I said you could fuck me that _wasn’t_ what I meant.”

This was a boy who could earn a place here. For four months Locus had watched Felix, thought him tiny, almost weak, he’d been so thin and so short. The chipper way he acted, the nearly hyperactive energy… Locus had thought, perhaps, that Felix was there simply because his family didn’t want him anymore. Scarred, short, skinny, weak… Locus had felt the urge to protect that and it had frightened him. That was not what Locus saw now.

Felix laughed and stepped so he was inches from Locus, staring down at him and radiating rage despite the smile. “Well?” He reached out and tilted Locus’ head back to look at him.

“What… did you do?”

“Oh Locus.” Felix sighed and patted Locus’ cheek lightly, it was almost a tender gesture. “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” He bent down at the waist so his face was inches from Locus’ and whispered, “Did you earn it?”

Locus stayed very still, but didn’t break eye contact with Felix. Felix cupped his face in his hands and smiled sweetly, it almost seemed kind, if Locus hadn’t seen the rage seconds ago. 

“Are you finished playing games, Locus?” Felix wasn’t moving back, his voice low and his eyes burning with… so much. “Because I am very finished with this game now.”

“Felix.” Something broke in Locus’ resolved and that seemed to be all Felix was waiting for, and he crushed his lips against Locus’.

He straddled Locus’ lap and Locus felt his arms move up to hold him by the waist. Felix kissed him like he was trying to devour him. As if pulling away would break whatever moment they had found themselves in, and Locus held onto him. He felt the shape of his back as Felix bit his lower lip and pushed them both down onto Locus’ bunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have discovered sunglasses in a dark room. I may be able to keep up with my update schedule after all. Sorry about all that I was kind of panicked for a bit there. Thank you!


	6. First Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Locus kiss and make up.

Felix kissed with desperate, needy little sounds as he curved his back to push into Locus’ hands. It seemed like such a large moment and at first all Locus could think was that kissing felt nothing like it was described as in books. Then Felix moved to suck kisses against Locus’ neck and he gasped. Felix’s mouth against his neck sent heat surging through his body and he almost lost himself in that feeling, the warmth, and the pleasure pooling in his gut. Something like a moan worked it’s way out of his mouth as Felix’s hands began to roam his body. For a moment he felt like this was the most important thing he could do. Just to hold Felix and feel his body move against him, he could lose himself in that feeling.

Until Felix tried to push his hand down his pants and it snapped Locus back to reality.

He grabbed Felix by the shoulders and pushed him back. Felix’s face was flushed and he panted slightly for breath. The image he made was appealing but Locus pulled his mind back to reason. “No.”

“Why?” Felix’s voice cracked a bit, then he took a deep breath and stood up on his own. “No, okay. No means hands off just…”

Locus watched as Felix stepped back to steady himself and bounced on the balls of his feet. “I mean unless like… I’m clean, if that’s like… what you’re worried about. I’ve been checked out. Like up to date checked out and--”

Locus shook his head and steadied his voice. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“Okay. Okay that’s fair. That’s. We won’t have sex then.” Felix sighed and ran his hands over his hair, looking a little lost for a second before speaking again. “Just. Just don’t shut me out like that again? Don’t do that invisible thing. It sucks. It sucks a lot and it’s really shitty so don’t do that.”

Locus hated himself a little, seeing Felix like this. He seemed caught between anger and sadness and fear, and Locus knew he had caused a lot of it. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t!” Felix narrowed his eyes at him and looked him over. “Don’t fucking apologise just don’t do it. Okay? Promise me you won’t do this anymore. Okay?”

Locus sighed and fought with himself, there had been a reason to pull away, but it seemed useless now. “I… I won’t. I won’t ignore you.”

“Good. Fucking… fucking finally. Good.” Felix breathed carefully, then shook himself like a dog and seemed to settle a little. “Okay. I… We will discuss. Things. We’ll talk in a sec, I just… I gotta get these things back to people before curfew.”

Felix pulled the items out of the sink and dried them off, they were rock climbing equipment. Carabiners? Locus was pretty sure that’s what they were. And an exacto knife. Locus was caught again wondering just what Felix had done. 

“I’m taking off my clothes to get changed not to invade your personal space.” Felix announced before stripping out of his jeans and stuffing them in the back of the closet. Then he did the same with the undershirt before pulling on some of the school approved sweats. “Okay. I will be right back.”

As Felix disappeared Locus continued sitting on his bed. He looked down at his hands and tried sorting his thoughts. He couldn’t ignore Felix, it was cruel and it wasn’t practical. He was just going to have to be a stronger person. 

Felix’s lips had been chapped. Locus was having a very hard time getting that detail out of his mind.

\---

“Okay.” Felix announced as he returned to their room. He was drained now, the adrenaline and endorphines had withered away and left him tired and a little sick. 

Locus looked up at him from his bed, he hadn’t moved since Felix had left and Felix thought that was a little cute.

“So it’s decided. The invisible game is over, right? We can just… do what was normal a month ago and not… whatever the fuck that little flip out was. Am I allowed to ask what that was because seriously what the fuck?”

Locus sighed, he looked tired. “I would rather not talk about it. But I will stop. Can that be enough?”

Felix looked Locus over, really looked. He was tired, not just because it was getting late, but in that mentally exhausted way. Like he’d been carrying something emotionally and just couldn’t handle it anymore. Felix doubted anyone else bothered to read Locus enough to notice that. 

“That can be enough.” Felix nodded and undid his bun, letting his hair fall down the back of his head. “Also I am not your boyfriend. That… happened, but I’m not--”

“It’s fine.” Locus shook his head. “I didn’t think that you were.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay.” Felix chewed his thumbnail before nodding and climbing into his nest of stolen bedding. “Good night, Locus.”

“Good night.”

\---

“ _Felix_.” Felix woke with a slow grin to Locus’ very annoyed growl. 

“Yes, Locus?” He asked innocently, rising from his blankets with a stretch.

“What the fuck is this?” Locus was angry, though not the dark seething rage Felix had caught a peek of before. This was just plain ordinary pissed off, and it was _delightful_.

“Making things even.” Felix beamed sunnily at his seething roommate. From this angle he could see the marker writing on Locus’ forehead. He’d waited a long while into the night for Locus to fall asleep enough that he wouldn’t wake up while Felix carefully spelled out “DICK” on his forehead.

“I thought we talked this out last night?” Locus asked tightly, then reached for a face cloth to wet down and begin scrubbing at the letters.

“We talked about how you weren’t going to do it anymore. You still fucked with me for a month. That was a debt that needed paying out. So now we’re even.” Felix shrugged and walked to the closet to get a uniform with a hop in his step.

“This is… extremely juvenile.”

“Yup. So’s the invisible game. Good luck with that, Locs.” Felix hummed as he changed into his uniform and Locus grumbled and tried to scrub the letters from his face.

Locus missed his morning classes. Apparently he cared enough about appearances to skip school trying to get marker off his face. Felix counted that as a victory. 

Whispers were also going around about what had happened to the Watts brothers. Seemed they were pretty fucked up. Felix acted surprised by the information, but it was fairly clear everyone understood what had happened. They also understood that neither brother was worth risking their neck over trying to go to authorities. 

And so Felix had cleared a big chunk of his shit list before he even had to think about Christmas break.

\---

Locus found Felix at lunch. He was eating with two other people, people Locus didn’t know. He was tempted to just find an empty table rather than deal that, but Felix spotted him and waved him over. 

The girl with the electric yellow hair looked startled but swiftly seemed to get over it. “Ooo, did you guys finally kiss and make up?”

Locus almost dropped his tray as he set it on the table, Felix laughed and pulled him down into a chair. 

“Something like that. How’s your forehead, Locs?” Felix batted his eyelashes in a mockery of innocence. Locus’ forehead was raw from scrubbing but he had managed to get rid of the letters. 

“There are days where I’m very sure they made a mistake with your paperwork, and I really am roomed with a twelve year-old.” Locus muttered as Felix reached over to take his pudding cup and slid his food tray over.

The girl giggled at that in a high pitched way Locus had previously thought was only in cartoons. “I never’d’ve pegged you as havin’ a sense of humour.”

“If you can call it that. That might be a bit generous.” Felix made a face at Locus.

“Yeah well-- Oh hey, shit it’s Kaylee.” The girl actually squealed and hopped up on her chair to wave her arms. “Over here!”

“Yeah, you’re keeping it real on the down low.” The miserable looking boy at her side mumbled into his food. She kicked him in retaliation and then hopped back down to sit as another girl came to join them, Kaylee most likely.

Kaylee had flowing blond hair, flawless makeup and had hiked her uniform’s skirt up to mid thigh. “Hey Abbey,” She smiled and took a seat beside the yellow haired girl then raised an eyebrow at Locus. “Why are you here?” 

It probably should have made him more nervous, but Kaylee’s bluntness was extremely refreshing. So many people danced around issues to be polite and Locus lost track of the subtext.

“He’s with me.” Felix chirped.

“I still don’t know why _you’re_ here so that doesn’t help.” Kaylee’s perfectly shaped eyebrow remained arched skeptically.

“Well obviously it’s because of my extremely charming personality.” Felix seemed unphased by Kaylee’s steady gaze, and Locus glanced between them uncertainly.

“Because I think he’s funny and it makes Terrence make that pinched annoyed face.” Abbey suggested with a shrug.

Kaylee considered that, then nodded. “That works.” She relaxed in her chair and began peeling the orange from her lunch. 

The tension evaporated and the table fell into an idle pattern of chatter and eating.

Except for Felix. Felix had finished two pudding cups and was drumming his fingers against the table as he chatted.

Locus considered that, considered his lunch, and then rose from his seat. “Please excuse me a moment.”

\---

Felix waved Locus off as he walked away.

“I thought you two broke up.” Kaylee asked between careful bites of her pasta, her lipstick was as ever unsmudged. Kaylee was inhuman. Kaylee was also one of the only people Felix knew who had as many scars on their fingers as him. He was pretty sure Kaylee was here because she had stabbed someone.

“Did everyone seriously think we were fucking?” Felix sighed dramatically and leaned back in his chair. “What the hell.”

“You didn’t bother making any other friends until he stopped talking to you. Before that you just followed him around and got punched in the face.”

“I’ll have you know I was punched many more places than the face.” Felix grinned, she was kind of an asshole but he liked Kaylee. He also knew that Abbey _liked_ Kaylee, and Abbey was a pretty decent person. 

“Okay well, regardless of your degree of injury, you still didn’t bother with anyone until you didn’t have him.” 

Felix sighed and considered how to answer that. “I didn’t feel like I needed more friends at first, then he was an asshole, then I met more people. The short answer? I was fuckin’ lazy. I didn’t know this place or its rules. That work for you, girlie?”

Kaylee regarded him carefully for a moment then nodded. “Fair enough. Sometimes I forget everyone hasn’t been here forever. Seems you two made up though?”

“Yeah we talked shit out. It’s cool now, probably.” Felix shrugged. It was extremely weird whenever someone gave a fuck about his social life. It was also extremely weird to have something to actually classify as a social life.

Locus returned and placed a covered bowl in front of Felix and sat back down.

“What the fuck is this?” Felix wrinkled his nose.

“Soup. You should eat it.” Locus said simply and returned to eating the lunches he had in front of him.

Felix clamped his mouth shut and glared at Locus. Protesting would just call attention to the issue. But he had absolutely no desire to eat soup. The rest of the table was looking at him. Kaylee was putting things together because she was too fucking observant. So rather than make it an issue Felix opened the bowl and looked down at what he had to work with.

It was orange. Some sort of puree or something? At least it wasn’t chunky. It smelled… spiced? Probably like soup. His experience didn’t spread much beyond Lipton Chicken Noodle. It didn’t smell like that. This was probably real people soup. He didn’t want to touch it.

“So are you going to eat it, or are you going to fight it?” Kaylee asked dryly and Felix jumped.

“What?”

“You’ve been trying to stare it down for like five minutes, I think it’s probably going to win.”

Felix grit his teeth and glanced at the faces at the table. Only Locus wasn’t staring at him. This was the worst. He finally sucked it up and tried eating the soup. It might not have been awful if he hadn’t already eaten but now he was expected to eat all this? It was so heavy. At least it had a similar texture to the pudding. The taste was just… something. It wasn’t like Felix had some kind of varied pallet and could identify what the fuck the flavours were. It was soup flavoured and he was going to have to eat at least most of it or make more of a scene than he already had.

\---

As lunch period ended and they returned to their rooms to get their things Felix slammed the door shut and glared up at Locus. He felt desperately sick and he was furious with Locus for it.

“Just what in the _fuck_ was that?” Felix hissed.

“You don’t eat enough.” Locus crossed his arms and seemed utterly undisturbed by Felix’s anger.

“Is this revenge for this morning? That was fucking bullshit. I will fucking puke on everything you love I swear to _fuck_.” He felt like he could. His arms felt cold, and his jaw was starting to ache. Fuck.

He barely made it to the toilet before all of his stupid lunch came back up. His stomach cramped until he was dry heaving and then he sat on the floor feeling miserable with himself and furious with Locus. Who was wetting a cloth and handing it to him.

Felix scrubbed his mouth and took a second before he could speak. “Look what you fucking did. Why the fuck would you…”

“You ate half a bowl of soup, and it made you throw up.” Locus’ voice was not gentle, he never spoke to anyone with that soft pitying tone so many people used in situations like this. He spoke bluntly and finally as if his point was fact and there was nothing to say further.

“Maybe because you fucking made me eat shitty soup you fucking asshole.” There was always something to say further in Felix’s opinion. He felt too weak and shaky to get to his feet just yet. He hated throwing up, but then it wasn’t like it was something most people liked to do.

“I have known you since the beginning of September and I have never once seen you eat anything other than pudding and yoghurt. I thought it was some sort of texture thing…” Locus seemed to be trying to figure out a problem. Felix was deeply offended that the problem was him.

“Fuck off Locus. Just fuck off. Don’t do that again.” Felix sighed and flushed the toilet. He reached for his toothbrush to get rid of the taste. “Just fucking leave it.”

Locus studied him a moment longer, then picked up his books and left.

Felix felt off for the rest of the day, and went to sleep as soon as classes were over. He didn’t feel like dealing with anything, especially not supper.

\---

Locus didn’t try anything like the soup thing again for the rest of the week. Felix considered the matter dropped and decided to simply ignore it. If he didn’t bring it up no one else brought it up and that was a nice thing about people who felt like they had to be polite.

Kaylee knew though. She was too fucking sharp, but at least she wasn’t enough of a bitch to bring it up. 

Felix hated all of it. At least people would be leaving once Friday was over and Christmas holidays would begin.

\---

Felix was not leaving for winter break. He’d laughed when Locus had asked and patted his arm, “The best Christmas gift I could get is not seeing my mother for Christmas. Sorry, no solo room for you.”

He had been hoping for it just weeks ago, but now Locus was glad that Felix would be there with him. The school nearly emptied out over the holidays and it was always a little depressing. Even if Locus didn’t talk to people, it was comforting to know that they were _there_.

Now, though, he would be almost entirely alone with Felix, and there were a few things he was going to figure out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee is Girlie of the Insurrectionists. (This is Rooster Teeth's fault for not giving any of them names okay?)


	7. First Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix reminds Locus he is a child, Locus reminds Felix he is mortal.

If Felix was giddy during school hours, as soon as the building started to empty out he became downright manic.

Bouncing on the balls of his feet and wearing a sweater he had stolen from Locus (thus making it ludicrously large on him) he nearly exploded when Locus finally got up. “Locus! Locs! There’s snow!”

Locus stared at him a long moment. “There’s usually snow this time of year. It’s winter.”

“Yeah but we can play in it now. I thought it was going to be one of those bullshit winters with no snow and shit but there’s snow and we have to go out in it right now.” 

This was the first time Locus had seen Felix this excited without violence of some sort being involved. “All right? How much coffee have you had this morning.”

“Three cups, it’s also cold out. So I had to find a balance. But I have literally never made a snowman and you’re going to help me remedy that.” Sometimes Locus forgot Felix was fifteen. Every now and then there was a reminder that yes, after all, this was a child, not a small extremely giddy and socially stunted adult.

“Have you not lived in the area for long?”

“All my life. Now come _on_.” Felix grabbed Locus’ arm and dragged him out into the empty hallways. The way their footsteps echoed was a little unsettling but Felix’s good mood seemed to drown it out. He cackled when they stepped out the door and into the field behind the school. There was a good foot of fresh snow, and it was still falling. They were massive wet snowflakes and they immediately made Locus feel damp.

“Look at this shit. I wasn’t allowed to get my shit dirty at recess, I couldn’t even bullshit my way into this at school.” Felix grabbed a large scoop of snow and began pressing it into a ball. “Eat my shit mom I’ll be filthy and you can’t stop me.”

Locus didn’t get a chance to think about that before Felix had flung the snowball at him. “I thought you wanted to make a snowman.”

“I want you to get out here and fuck around in the snow with me!”

Locus sighed and stepped out into the snow and gathered up a snowball of his own.

\---

By the time Felix ran out of steam the both of them were sopping wet and Felix was shivering so badly his teeth chattered. Locus guided him back inside and to their rooms for a change of clothes. 

Even dried off Felix couldn’t shake the chill. He didn’t regret running through the snow, but piled with his collection of blankets and two layers of shirts he was still shivering. “H-how are you fine?”

Locus raised an eyebrow at him, trying to smooth stray hair out of his face. “Because I have actual bodyfat?”

“Bullshit you’re not gonna bring this shit up again.” Felix sulked and sank deeper into his blankets. He’d thought this had been dropped properly with the soup incident. Apparently not. “One has nothing to do with the other.”

“They do, actually. There’s a reason you are always cold.”

“Because it’s fucking _cold_.” Felix groaned and hid his face in the blankets. The day had been to such a good start, too. “Can you please drop it? I’m fine. I eat fine.”

Locus frowned at him and obviously didn’t agree, but he had no point to argue, so instead he shook his head and offered. “How about I see if there’s hot chocolate in the cafeteria?”

“Fine. Hot chocolate is good.” Felix pulled the blankets over his head and was absolutely not sulking in any way at all.

\---

On the second day of break Locus woke Felix by dropping a very heavy package at the foot of his bunk. It hadn’t hit him in any way but it made the bed jolt and Felix had lept out of the blankets and nearly punched Locus in the throat. 

“What the fucking shit is wrong with you! Don’t wake people up like that. Asshole. Fuck you.” Felix was still considering punching Locus in the throat. He hated being startled and he was starting to… no he hated being startled. 

“I’m sorry to have scared you.” Locus said smoothly and Felix punched him in the arm.

“I’m not scared. You’re just an asshole. What the fuck is this?” Felix peered at the package and peeled back some of the wrapper. It seemed to be a large case of bottles.

“Ensure.” Locus crossed his arms and was getting that tone of voice he assumed people wouldn’t argue with. “They’re meal replacement drinks.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Felix pulled a bottle out and glared at it, then at Locus, then back at the bottle. “Why the fuck aren’t you letting this go?”

“Because you will _die_.” Locus said sternly and Felix stared at him.

“I will _not_.” Felix snapped. “Well I will eventually but not from like… _this_.”

“You eat a yoghurt cup in the morning, two pudding cups at lunch, and more often than not you skip supper entirely.” Locus scowled at Felix, not even remotely backing down from the glare. “I have spoken to Phyllis--”

“You spoke to-- What the fuck Locus. You’re dragging her into this bullshit too?!” Felix threw the bottle at him and collapsed back onto his bunk. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!”

“Your friend.” Locus said bluntly, catching the bottle with ease and looking at it. “You didn’t handle the soup so we should start smaller. These have necessary calories, and some nutritional value.”

“I hate you. This is so stupid.” Felix pulled his blankets back over himself only to have them jerked away by Locus. 

“Phyllis bought these because she agreed with me. When you went to the hospital they said you were severely malnourished. Your organs are going to begin shutting down if you don’t fucking eat something.” Locus was actually angry about this. He pulled Felix to his feet and pushed the drink back into his hands. “You are going to die like this. So change.”

Felix glared at him with mute fury for a long moment. How dare they? How dare they team up against him like this. He was going to have to hate Phyllis after all. How could they.

“I don’t know what’s causing it, I don’t know why you are doing this, but I care about what happens to you.” Locus’ tone was even, but his eyes were scary intense. He actually did care. That seemed like the scary part. Someone caring. 

Felix frowned down at the bottle in his hand. ‘50% MORE CALORIES!’ was written across the label, along with a series of nutritional information. “I thought these shake things were supposed to be for people who want to lose weight.”

“These ones are made to help gain weight.” Locus sighed, “they’re made for people who have trouble with meals and need to keep a healthy body weight.”

“If I drink these stupid things will you drop it?” Felix frowned and shook the bottle. “Will you fucking let this go?”

“If you drink these regularly, I will…” He paused to consider, Felix thought about throwing the bottle at him again. “This is a first step, Felix. I will leave the subject alone until you can have three of these a day without being sick.”

“Why do you care so much?” Felix threw his hands in the air and sat down on his bunk with a sigh. “ _No one_ cares this much about other people. What the fuck do you _want_?”

“Most people seem to care a great deal about other people, actually.” Locus sighed and sat down in the chair at his desk. “I don’t like watching you be sick like this. I don’t know why I care, I just do. So stop being an idiot so I don’t have to worry about you anymore.”

Felix stared at him. He had nothing to say. _No one_ cared. No one worried about him. No one wanted him. No one would be bothered if he died. And here was Locus. This _asshole_ he’d only known a few months…

But it made a certain sort of sense. They were both broken. Felix could see it in Locus too, that little bit of something off. He thought, maybe, Locus knew what it was like to be the unwanted child. Locus was the closest someone had ever come to being _like_ Felix. Just slightly outside the human experience. That worked.

Instead of responding he cracked open the bottle and peeled off the seal. It _smelled_ like chocolate milk. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst deal in the world. So long as he didn’t throw this garbage up like the soup. 

Drinking it felt like drinking melted ice cream which made his stomach turn for a different reason than that he was putting food in it. He ignored that and winced as he finished the bottle. 

“There. It tastes like grainy chocolate milk.”

“There are other flavours.”

“Great. I look forward to experiencing all of them.” Felix screwed the cap back on the bottle and threw it in the trash.

\--- 

Felix managed one drink in the morning and one in the evening for the next couple of days. He sulked, though protested the very idea that he could possibly be sulking. But it was also obvious that his body wasn’t adapting very quickly. He was sluggish and seemed slightly queasy at all times.

Phyllis had told Locus that he should expect this. Felix refused to talk to Phyllis, angry that she had helped. Felix, Locus had noticed, held little grudges for ridiculous things. He was sure Felix would get over it soon. Eventually he would start feeling healthier instead of sicker. There was just a transition period. 

At that point maybe he would stop declaring it all pointless whenever Locus reminded him to drink his meal replacement.

Eventually it would be worth it, if Felix would be healthy.


	8. First Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Locus has a gift and Felix has a panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just feeling really impatient so here have a double chapter day. idek.

Christmas was the only holiday Locus really cared about. Bouncing around the foster system he didn’t always get birthdays, other holidays were hit or miss. But every house he’d been placed in had celebrated Christmas. Even if the trees were small, or the gifts were from the dollar store, or the food wasn’t remotely like what they showed on TV. There was something peaceful about Christmas. Something special. 

It had become a lonely holiday when he’d been sent to Charon and there had rarely been more than a few students around to celebrate it. But this year he had Felix.

This year he wasn’t alone anymore. Even if Felix barely seemed to notice that lights had gone up in the front hall, or that a tree had been put up in the student lounge. He was still excited about the snow periodically, and he had found Santa hats somewhere and had forced Locus to wear one. It was the closest he came to acknowledging the approaching holiday. 

He also ate peppermint candy. It had caught Locus very off guard when Felix brought oversized candy canes from one of his wander abouts, but he wasn’t about to complain. He’d always thought the large candy canes looked like they would be better than the mass produced ones. He wasn’t sure if this was actually true, but sitting in their dorm room eating candy canes had felt… warm.

Even when Felix had pretended to fellate the candy cane and Locus had thrown a pillow at him. It was getting comfortable again. It felt just the tiniest bit like what TV Christmases looked like. There was a warmth he felt when he was with Felix, and he tried not to let his mind wander too often to memory of what kissing him had been like. 

Felix hadn’t tried anything like that since then. He’d wink and make a suggestive comment, but like he’d said on the first day, that was just part of who he was. And if Felix wasn’t like Felix, Locus probably wouldn’t like him as much.

Students were not restricted to the school during the holidays, though they had to sign out and get proper permission to leave the campus. That way everything stayed organised and they knew how to find the kids that wandered off into the city. Locus picked a day when Felix was finding something else to cause trouble with and went shopping. He didn’t have much money but he’d been given a small allowance for a while. He mostly didn’t need it inside the school, but he put it to use now.

\---

“What the fuck is this?”

Locus wasn’t sure what to expect Christmas morning, he’d wrapped the gift and put it on Felix’s desk after Felix had gone to sleep. Felix had cracked a joke as he’d drifted off about Santa not visiting bad kids like him.

Now, Felix was holding the wrapped bundle at arm’s length, expression unreadable. “Seriously, what the fuck.”

“It’s a gift.” Locus rubbed his eyes and sat up. He still had no idea how Felix could be so alert during the morning, it could take Locus up to an hour to feel like himself after he crawled out of bed.

“What’s it doing _here_?” There was just the slightest shake in Felix’s voice, his grip was so tight on the package that his knuckles were white. 

Locus sighed and got up, considering Felix’s complete absence of enthusiasm for the holiday he hadn’t expected a gift. He wasn’t even sure he should have bought one. Now he was doubting it even more. “It’s Christmas?”

Felix turned to glare at Locus, Felix always seemed to have so many emotions at once when he was moved to express them. There was again anger, sadness, and fear mixing together as his eyes darted between the wrapped bundle in his hands and Locus’ face. It was pretty far from the reaction he’d been hoping for.

“You… don’t have to--” Locus began but Felix cut him off with a shove. It was sudden and unexpected and Locus stumbled back onto his bed again. Felix was wild-eyed and breathing hard, he looked like some sort of cornered animal. There was a second of tense silence before Felix bolted from the room, still carrying the gift in his hands.

Locus wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but he understood well enough that he had done something wrong.

\---

It was a hoodie. One of those good winter ones with the thick fuzzy lining. It was black with orange stripes and detailing and it was about two sizes too big for Felix.

It was exactly something Felix would have wanted. 

Standing out in the cold in his sweats with no shoes, Felix tried to figure out what the flying fuck was going on. He figured no one would wander out looking here. It was freezing but Felix felt sick and scared and so fucking stupid as he just stood and stared at the sweater. 

He had no idea a shirt could be so terrifying.

“It would probably be warmer if you put it on.” Felix jerked and spun to stare at Phyllis, standing in the doorway and sipping a mug of something hot. “I do believe that’s what those are for.”

“You.” Felix snapped at the older woman and pointed dramatically. “Y-you. You shared my medical information without my knowledge or consent.”

Phyllis raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement and took a sip from her drink, clearly unimpressed with basically all of Felix’s emotions. “And?”

“And… well that’s fucking illegal.” Felix pointed out, crossing his arms and hugging the sweater to his chest to keep a little warm.

“Yup.” Phyllis kept her gaze steady on Felix as he shivered and glared.

“W-well. Well you owe me a favour!” Felix announced, chin jutting forward as if he stood a chance of winning this stand off.

Phyllis snorted and nodded her head for Felix to follow her. “Come in out of the cold and we can talk favours.”

\---

Felix didn’t return to their room most of the day. Despite there being almost no people in the school Locus didn’t run into him once. 

He felt stupid. He thought he’d understood what their friendship was. That it _was_ a friendship. Had he over stepped? He didn’t know what the boundaries were for these things, and boundaries were always skewed when it came to Felix. Neither of them were like normal kids their age, it was comforting sometimes, but Locus didn’t have enough information on it. 

Friends always seemed to exchange gifts without there being a problem. He’d seen people do it before, all through his school life he’d watched other children exchange gifts with friends. So ultimately it had to be a Felix thing.

It was difficult sometimes sorting out what was a normal ‘thing’, a Felix ‘thing’, or a Locus ‘thing’. There were a lot of rules to socialising and Locus was not good at learning them at the best of times. Everything Felix did threw the things he thought he knew out the window. 

It was evening when Felix returned. He was wearing the hoodie Locus had gotten him. Locus’ breath caught a little and he felt his heart rate pick up. He wondered briefly if this was what books described as fluttering.

“So.” Felix had the hood pulled up like he was hiding, his eyes darted back and forth as he seemed to search for words. Finally he reached out to grab Locus’ wrist. “So. Come with me.”

Locus let Felix lead him through the empty halls of the school, he wanted to ask questions but there was something hanging in the silence, as if speaking would break it.

Felix pushed him into the small student lounge finally and closed the door behind him. There was something covering the windows so that the only lights were from the twinkling Christmas tree and that bizarre Christmas Fireplace Channel on the television.

“So I--” Felix stood against the door as if prepared to bolt again at any instant. “I’ve never… _done_ Christmas before.”

Locus watched him with surprise, he opened his mouth to ask but Felix cut him off.

“It’s not like a religious thing I don’t have one of those I just. I don’t. Celebrate things. I’ve never had a gift before.” Felix wasn’t looking at him and was seemingly hoping the dark would hide his expression. “Like… a gift-gift. You know? Like a real actual gift, not like… a borrowed pencil I forget to give back. Like… a thing. A thing someone thought about. About me and bought or whatever. So.”

Felix was chewing his thumbnail again and seemed to have run out of words for a moment.

“Felix--”

“Don’t. Don’t. I freaked out. But. Um. I.” He made a strangled noise then walked into the lounge, taking Locus’ wrist and leading him to the couch. “I have no fucking idea how to bake. Or what Christmas is supposed to look like.” He gestured to the small table and Locus noticed there were plates with treats on them. Each one was slightly uneven, a little bit messy and obviously homemade. “Also Phyllis gave me some DVDs that are apparently traditional. Or something. I haven’t seen any so you pick one and. That.”

Felix had yet to look up to Locus, and he bounced nervously on the balls of his feet. Locus struggled to figure out what to say. It seemed like the kind of moment that needed words, like Felix needed something, but Locus’ throat felt tight and he couldn’t think of anything. So he very carefully and deliberately reached out and wrapped his arms around Felix. He didn’t freeze or pull away, just stood uncertainly in Locus’ arms for a moment before leaning his head against Locus’ chest with a sigh.

“I like the sweater.” Felix mumbled into Locus’ shirt and Locus snorted and patted his head.

\---

Locus had chosen a movie about puppets or something. Felix didn’t quite get the concept behind it but Locus said it was good. He put it in while Locus settled onto the couch and picked up one of the tree shaped cookies and took a bite. Felix did his best to not be obvious about watching for his response.

“It’s good.” Fucker. His voice was reassuring. No one noticed when Felix did little things before, but Locus seemed to catch everything.

“Well. Um. Obviously. I’m awesome. So I make awesome shit.” Felix rolled his eyes and went to grab a thermos and some cups. He poured out the eggnog and handed Locus a cup before sitting down beside him.

“Obviously.” Locus replied dryly before taking a sip and making a face. “Felix.”

“It’s not illegal it’s Christmas.”

“It’s still illegal on Christmas.”

Felix waggled his eyebrows as he drank from his own cup. “You’re 16. Live a little. Have some spiked eggnog, like the good lord intended.”

Locus gave him a skeptical look, but sighed when Felix leaned against him, and sipped the drink anyway.

Between the spiced rum, the new sweater, and Locus’ arm wrapped casually around him Felix felt honestly warm for the first time in a long while. Even if it was kinda weird that the animal puppets were singing to Alfred from those Batman movies. Felix just supposed there were some things about Christmas he would never understand.

“Where did you even get the alcohol?” Locus’ voice rumbled, slightly amused. It was interesting to hear it and also feel it vibrate against Felix’s cheek as he rested his head against his chest.

“Shh… the felt animals are singing.” Felix waved a hand and smiled for the small chuckle that gained.

\---

Felix drank three cups by the time Locus had finished his first. Felix seemed far more skilled at the art of drinking, though, because he seemed to be at about the same level as Locus was. As the movie had progressed the two of them had gotten more and more horizontal until Locus was lying on the couch with Felix on top of him. When Felix had finally pulled the hood back his hair was coming out of his usual bun and hanging around his face and Locus couldn’t help but run his fingers through the stray locks. 

Felix made a soft, pleased noise that reminded Locus of the night they had kissed. He tried not to think of it too often, but Felix looked up at him and smiled in earnest and Locus understood why books described romance the way they did. His chest felt tight, and his face felt hot, he could feel his breath catch in his throat. 

This was a bad idea. Everything about this was a bad idea. Felix was a bad idea. In general, he was a bad idea personified. 

‘I am not your boyfriend.’ He had said, and Locus didn’t know if he even wanted anything like that. He just wanted to keep Felix by his side. 

He leaned up and gently pressed his lips against Felix’s. Felix paused for a moment, as if to consider before leaning in and returning the kiss. Locus’ hands ran slowly down Felix’s back to rest at his waist and Felix reached up to cup Locus’ cheek with one hand.

Unlike the first kiss this one was slow, Felix giggled a little against Locus’ mouth and didn’t bite him. There wasn’t a desperate, needy heat behind it, the moment was simply warm, comfortable and pleasant. 

Felix still made little pleased sounds that made Locus grip him a little tighter, and gasp for air. Felix laughed again, soft and breathless as he trailed kisses over Locus’ jaw and down his neck. There again was the shock of heat and a strangled sound made it out of Locus’ throat. He could feel Felix smile against his skin and it made him shiver a little. 

Felix was pushing a hand up his shirt to brush over his stomach when Locus began to panic a little. “I… I don’t think I want to have sex.” He admitted. He didn’t want Felix to leave, but the idea of going that far gripped him with fear.

“Okay.” Felix pushed himself up. He was flushed, eyes dazed and lips slightly swollen. He was one of the first people Locus had honestly considered beautiful and the lack of him left him cold.

“Is it all right… if we still…” Locus’ voice trailed off, he felt stupid and ridiculous. He wanted Felix with him. He wanted to hold him, he wanted that. He wasn’t sure how he even felt about sex, and Felix was so very, very sexual.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Felix asked, tilting his head slightly as he studied Locus’ expression.

“I do.” Locus mumbled.

“Do you want me to touch you?”

“In some… I mean not… not sexually.”

“Then we’ll kiss. And I will only touch you above the belt and over your clothes?” Felix tapped his fingers very lightly against Locus’ stomach and smiled. “Tell me when you’re uncomfortable. I promise to always listen when you say no.”

There was something in this, something in the slightly sad look Felix got when he made that promise, but Locus couldn’t think straight enough to sort it out. He nodded and reached out to Felix again, and Felix fell into his arms and kissed him again.


	9. First Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers and kisses

Terrence woke them up the next morning. Not on purpose, but they’d fallen asleep in the student lounge and he’d wanted to use the TV.

“You room together, why do you inflict yourselves on the public?” He’d said with a dry annoyance as Felix rolled off the couch onto the floor and yawned.

“Because it’s Christmas, obviously.” Felix flipped Terrence off without looking at him. He groaned and looked at the TV, with the DVD menu and it’s cheery music sample playing over and over.

“It’s not Christmas anymore. Please tell me you didn’t fuck on that couch.” Terrence was kind of a dick. 

“We’re clothed aren’t we?” Felix smiled sweetly and Terrence narrowed his one good eye suspiciously. 

Locus always woke up in slow motion, pushing himself up off the couch as if he’d been stuck to it. He covered a wide yawn and tried to push the stray hair out of his face. It was fucking adorable.

“Ugh just get out.”

“This is a free lounge for all of the students, Terry.” Felix’s eyebrows went up in indignation. “We can stay if we want to.”

“I literally hate you, please move your shit.”

Felix was about to protest further but Locus put his hand on his head. He made a disgruntled noise and looked up, and Locus pulled Felix’s hood over his face.

“You’re both assholes.” Felix announced, but began gathering the plates and containers from their night. 

Locus’ smile seemed to disturb Terrence, but then, most people didn’t get to know Locus well enough to be aware he did that. Normally the shifts in Locus’ expressions were so minor that normal people didn’t see them. 

Felix understood masks. He’d gotten good at reading people, and learning Locus’ tells had been part of getting to know his roommate. This was an honest-to-god smile though. Either Locus was still drunk or he was actually that happy.

Felix had a feeling there was going to be a conversation involving a lot of feelings somewhere along the way. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to that. He liked Locus, sure, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want a boyfriend at this point in life. 

They carried their food and containers back to their room in comfortable silence. Locus was still half asleep anyway. Possibly hungover? He’d only had one cup but Felix was pretty sure that was somewhere around his first drink. 

He dumped the cookies onto Locus’ desk and stretched with a groan. Locus handed him the thermos and Felix sighed and rinsed it out in the sink to hide the evidence of their minor criminal activity.

“How ya feeling?” Felix grinned as Locus dropped onto his bed and lay his face down into his pillow.

“My head hurts.” Locus grumbled. “I have made mistakes.”

Felix couldn’t help but laugh, he didn’t get hungover very often. Though it may be due to practice. 

“Have a water bottle. Unfortunately painkillers are a ‘liability’ so I have no idea how to get you any, but water helps.” Felix filled a bottle and handed it to Locus who rolled over and sighed.

“And you do this often?” Locus wasn’t saying it with a judgemental tone. He seemed a little concerned though.

“Eh. Often enough.” Felix shrugged and dropped into his desk chair. “Less here. You know… harder to get and all that.”

“How did you get what you did last night?” Locus sat up and drank slowly from the bottle.

Felix smiled innocently. “You sure you want to know?”

Locus sighed and gave Felix a pained expression. “Whenever you say that the answer is usually something illegal.”

“Having the alcohol is illegal, so really no matter what the answer’s gonna be illegal.” Felix grabbed one of the meal replacement drinks and shook it up. “But that’s also not true sometimes the answer to that question is too sexual for your virgin ears.”

Locus gave him a bland, unimpressed look.

“This case was actually a mix of both so, yeah, you probably don’t want to know.”

Locus sighed wearily and covered his face with his hands. “When we first met you said you were going to give it your best shot not to be a criminal.”

“I believe I _also_ said that if I was a lost cause, I was a lost cause and I may as well make my peace with that.”

“I don’t think that’s what you said.” Locus shook his head, but didn’t actually seem too upset.

“Well it’s what I meant. Or it’s what I’m saying now. I know who I am.” Felix stuck his tongue out at Locus then drank his Ensure. Adjusting to something resembling meals was a pain in the ass. Well actually the gut. Felix spent most of his time feeling bloated and cramped and sick, but at this point it was deal with that or lose. Felix wasn’t a real big fan of losing. A quick web search when no one was looking revealed that this would likely pass before too long. He didn’t want to admit that Locus was actually right, but a lot of what he read had been… disturbing.

“You could be a lot more.” Locus pointed out and set his water bottle on the floor.

“I don’t know, it’s hard to improve perfection.” Felix grinned as Locus shook his head.

There was a casual silence, as Locus seemed to focus on his headache, and Felix finished his drink. Then finally Felix sighed and held out his hands. “Okay. So. We have to talk.”

He paused and noticed the pained expression on Locus’ face and shook his head. “That is an awful start of a conversation, I’m sorry, I mostly mean like. What are we doing? What’s this going to be about? Like… I don’t really think I’m in the market for an honest-to-god relationship-relationship but like I do like you so what are your hopes for this thing?”

Locus watched him, and considered for a long moment before speaking. “I like what we have. I also like kissing you. Is there a balance in that?”

“Fuck yeah there is, there’s no rules of engagement. We can be friends who also make out.” Felix relaxed in his chair a little. “You don’t have to be in a serious relationship to do that.”

Locus nodded slowly then smiled just slightly. “All right. We can do that, then?”

“That fuckin’ works for me.” Felix laughed and tossed his empty bottle into the trash. “I gotta ask, or at least I wanna ask… why don’t you wanna have sex?”

Locus froze and Felix waved his hands as if to banish the tension.

“No not like… ‘wah wah why won’t you have sex with meeee’ but like. Is it a _thing_? Is it a virgin thing? Or a ‘not even remotely interested in sex’ thing? Or a Locus thing?” Felix made a face as he struggled for a not stupid way to phrase the question. “Like is it an opposition to sex, an opposition to sex with me, or an opposition to sex right now?”

Locus was quiet for a long moment. It made Felix worry that the answer was that Locus had a problem with him. He didn’t make it a secret that he was kinda slut. Some people didn’t think they had a problem with that until they were faced with the reality of it. Suddenly he became something dirty and revolting and it was… well mostly it was just annoying, but he really hoped Locus didn’t look at him like that.

“It… might be a Locus thing.” Locus’ brow wrinkled together as he sorted his words out carefully. “Though maybe a virgin thing. I don’t usually really think about sex. It never seemed important. I didn’t see people and think that they were… sexually appealing?” Locus winced at his own wording and sighed. “I don’t really think about it, until we’re about to and… and then it just seems like a very large thing. I’m not repulsed, really… I think maybe I’m just not ready? Is that… that’s ridiculous isn’t it?”

Felix shook his head. “Locs everyone’s got their own way of dealing with this shit. If you don’t wanna have sex right now we won’t. If you decide you wanna have sex with someone else, that’s your call. There are plenty of people who are probably not ready at our age. I am _definitely_ a weird guideline to measure to. Do not measure against me. I am a slut and I’ve been doing this longer than… a while.” Felix trailed off and shook his head. “Basically just do you. No pressure. In a way that actually means no pressure not that fucking ironic way people say it.”

Locus smiled a little, like some kind of weight had come off and he felt more comfortable all of a sudden.

“No one else gets to decide when _you_ want to have sex. And If they try to I promise to make them regret it.” Felix smiled brightly despite the tightness in his chest. “I’m not actually kidding about that even if someone pulls some shit like that I will put them in the fucking ground. Just absolutely.”

“Assault is still illegal, Felix.” Locus’ smile made breathing a little easier, and Felix laughed and shook his head.

“Sometimes it’s worth it.”

\---

Being on break made it incredibly easy to fall into a pattern of not getting anything done and making out all the goddamn time. Felix was absolutely not going to complain.

Locus was so fucking gentle with his touches, like he was mapping out Felix’s back and chest. It was basically the softest anyone had handled Felix and he hadn’t thought he’d enjoy it as much as he did. Like so many things, Locus touched him with an intensity that made him feel like he was important. Something worth preserving. 

He also made the cutest goddamn noises when Felix kissed his neck. Each little gasp and soft moan made Felix wonder what having sex with Locus would be like. If they ever got to that point. He felt like an asshole sometimes for thinking it, but when Locus would whine and grip him tighter for a graze of teeth over his throat it was so fucking hard not to.

“Your neck is so fucking sensitive.” Felix laughed as he pressed a kiss to Locus’ pulse point and felt him squirm under him. “Can I give you a hickey?”

“Uh.” Locus took a second to focus and was fucking adorable before he nodded and Felix grinned. 

The honest-to-god moan sucking a mark against Locus’ neck earned him made Felix feel like maybe they needed to take a break before things got too heated. Locus’ voice was always sexy, when he was making actually sexual sounds it was almost too much.

Locus trailed his fingers up Felix’s neck and murmured, “should I return the favour.”

Felix sat back and laughed, waving off Locus’ confused look. “Locs, buddy, friend, if you did that I would probably have to go jack off in the bathroom basically immediately. Like, fair warning. Mark me up and there will be one very awkward boner coming between us.”

Locus snorted and rested his hands on Felix’s hips. “Fair enough.”

“You look good in a hickey though. Might have to renew that every now and then.” Felix grinned and tapped his fingers against Locus’ stomach. 

“You’re going to be very distracting once we have to start doing homework again.” Locus snorted, rubbing his thumbs lightly in circles against Felix’s hips.

“I have been a distraction since day goddamn one. Don’t you fucking lie.” 

Locus laughed at that. No bullshit, ungraceful, honest-to-god laughed. Felix was pretty sure it was one of the greatest things he had ever seen.


	10. First Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A death in the family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... I tagged for this from day one. But I want to warn again. This is the chapter where the referenced/implied rape, incest, and child abuse comes up. I do not describe it explicitly, there are no details, but even still, if that's something that's going to hurt you please don't read. I kept it short so you can skip it if you don't want to deal with it. If you skip to the second half you will skip the implications of rape, but it still contains abuse. Take care of yourselves okay?

Locus had been struggling to focus on the little bit of winter homework he had left and Felix was laying in his nest reading some trashy mystery novel he’d found in the library. Felix, Locus had discovered, enjoyed books quite a bit, but if they were considered in any way fine or popular literature he refused to read them. Except, he’d declared, Harry Potter, which he apparently related to in a deep spiritual manner which he did not clarify except to say that Charon was a pretty shitty replacement for Hogwarts.

Locus was inclined to agree with at least the last part. Giant murderous snakes would probably help make Charon more interesting, at least.

They were interrupted from their distractions by a knock at the door. One of the secretaries from the office opened it slowly, her expression neutral though seemingly a little nervous.

“There’s a call for you.” She said, her voice was soft and slightly cautious in the way that usually meant something bad. Locus and Felix glanced at each other and she clarified. “For Felix.”

Felix left with the secretary and Locus tried to continue with his homework. It was likely none of his business, but he worried about what the phone call meant. 

Usually students didn’t receive calls with good news. He didn’t know enough about Felix’s life outside of the school to guess what it could be. He tapped his pencil idly and stopped focusing on his textbook to simply wait and see if Felix was going to be all right. 

It took about half an hour for Felix to come back and Locus was almost drifting off in his chair despite himself. He came awake with a jerk though when Felix slammed the door shut behind him and stomped to the closet. He dug around behind the clothes before pulling out a bottle.

From the looks of it, it was one of the ingredients from Christmas’s eggnog. Felix unscrewed the cap and drank directly from the bottle before getting up and curling into his nest of bedding.

“Felix?” Locus asked carefully, he couldn’t tell what this mood was. Felix was masking, trying to keep his expression on the side of neutral angry. Locus knew him well enough by now to know there was something more.

“My uncle’s dead.” Felix said flatly, then took another drink from the bottle. Locus was pretty sure that was hard liquor and he should definitely not be drinking it like that.

“I’m… sorry.” 

“I’m not.” Felix spat, then covered his face with his hood and seemed to focus on breathing for a second. “I should have killed him myself.”

That startled Locus and he stared at Felix, there’d been venom in his voice. A very real and dangerous sort of hate.

“What happened?”

“He wrapped his fucking car around a goddamn tree.” Felix took another drink from the bottle and Locus stood up to take it from him. Felix may be more experienced at drinking, but that didn’t protect him from alcohol poisoning.

The fact that Felix barely protested seemed a clear sign that something was very, very wrong.

“I hope it hurt. I hope it was long and fucking painful and he fucking begged for it to stop.” Felix’s voice shook with rage and something else. Something vulnerable. “I should have killed him.”

Locus put down the bottle and hesitated slightly before reaching out to Felix. Sometimes Felix reacted to touch violently, and sometimes he clinged to it like he was desperate for the contact. Locus wasn’t sure which way Felix was going to be in this state.

Felix grabbed Locus’ hand and looked up at him, eye wide and lost. Locus knew that Felix never let anyone else see this. He would never let anyone else know this look. It was terrifying and heartbreaking all at once.

“My mother sent me to stay with him a lot. When she got tired of me. When she was mad at me. Sometimes for no reason. She knew. It was a punishment. It was her favourite punishment.” Felix pulled Locus down onto the bed with him and hid his face. “He was her favourite baby brother after all. She liked to give him treats.”

Locus didn’t really know how to deal with this. He understood what Felix was saying, but there was nothing he could do that would fix it. So he let Felix put himself in his arms and shake like he was sick. He didn’t cry but he breathed hard, gasping painful breaths like he was drowning. 

“I should have killed him. It should have been me. I deserved it.” Felix grit through his teeth, half muffled by Locus’ shirt. “Instead he killed his fucking self. He took that too.”

He laughed suddenly and shook Locus a little. “She wanted me to go to his fucking funeral. That’s why she called. It would _look_ bad if we didn’t all attend. That’s what mattered. It would look bad. I told her to go fuck herself. I don’t know if she can make me or not, but I’m pissing in his grave if she does.”

“She can’t make you.” Locus said, his tone was soft but forceful. 

“No? There some fuckin’ school rule I don’t know about?” Felix made a sound that was probably supposed to be a laugh.

“I just won’t let her.” 

Felix stopped at that, and looked up to stare at Locus. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he seemed to try desperately to process that. Finally he exhaled slowly and gave what was almost a smile. “I’d pay to see that fight.”

“You hoard money like a dragon, you wouldn’t pay a dime.” Locus didn’t honestly know what expression was appropriate so he just didn’t express anything. Felix still huffed another almost laugh.

He leaned his head against Locus’ chest and sighed. Locus held him until he fell asleep, feeling inadequate and desperate to protect him in some way.

\---

Felix’s mother showed up at their school two days later. She lived in the same city as the school, but it took her two days to bother coming herself.

She’s was a small Chinese woman, younger than Locus thought she would be, she would have been quite young when Felix had been born. She looked unhealthy and furious. There was a resemblance to Felix, though even with the slight hints of weight gain he had managed his features were harsher and more defined.

“Fan Li.” She said sternly, clutching her purse and eying Felix with a disgust that made Locus uncomfortable. Felix was so good at hiding his expression, but she wore her hatred openly.

There was a school official who had come to alert Felix that his mother was there, and he stood watching as well. He hadn’t objected when Locus had gotten up to follow them out the front doors. It was snowing again, but it was cold, small flakes blew around them on a sharp and painful wind.

Felix clicked his tongue and tilted his head, expression neutral. “Mǔqīn.” His voice was flat but Locus could see him shifting his feet in the snow.

What followed seemed to be an argument in Mandarin, each response getting louder and more angry than the last. Locus couldn’t follow but he watched their body language. There was a sharp instant; she moved, Felix flinched and Locus reached out and caught the woman’s hand in the air. Felix didn’t flinch when other people hit him. 

The woman finally looked at Locus and laughed, jerking her arm free of his grip. “You think he’s worth this, boy?” Her accent was thick, but she spoke clearly as she glared up at Locus. “You think he cares about you? He cannot. This thing I birthed is not human. He will drain you and leave you to die.”

Felix began shouting at her again, and again she returned her attention to her son. There were three more times where her hand twitched as if to raise it, but she seemed to think better of it. 

Finally Felix screamed something at her, harsh and enraged, and turned to stomp back into the school. The Official who had escorted them had done nothing throughout the exchange, and merely watched as Felix’s mother fumed and turned back to her car.

“He cannot care about anyone. Stupid boy, he will kill you one day.” She snapped and slammed the door shut behind her. 

Locus turned and followed Felix back inside, finding him pacing in the entrance hall and muttering under his breath. 

“What can I do?” Locus held out a hand and Felix took it, gripping him tightly to keep from shaking. 

“Pretend this didn’t happen.” Felix chewed the thumbnail of his free hand and rocked nervously on the balls of his feet. “Pretend none of this happened. If you tell anyone I’ll never forgive you.” His voice was harsh and he struggled to keep his breathing steady.

“Okay.” Locus agreed and slowly took Felix’s other hand into his. “This didn’t happen. What do you want to do now?”

Felix just breathed and bounced on his toes for a moment, Locus wasn’t sure if he was thinking or he was just lost. “Do you know how to fight? Spar or… something. Whatever.”

Locus sighed and struggled with the answer, he’d still hoped he could keep himself separate from violence. But Felix mattered more than that, in this instant, looking once again small and broken. “I do.”

“Help me not think of anything.”

“All right.”


	11. First Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Locus have a lot of feelings. And probably also boners.

It was both regretful and relieving when students began returning from break. The silence had been haunting at times. Felix liked Locus best, but he needed other people. Even if he didn’t speak to them, their presence around him made him feel… secure. He could get lost in a crowd if he wanted to. 

He didn’t want to lose Locus, but there was something awkward about how much he knew. He’d seen Felix weak, and he’d seen Felix scared and Felix didn’t really know how to deal with that. It was very difficult to simply not deal with it when there was nothing else _to_ deal with. Just quiet and Locus and the reality that was his clusterfuck of a life.

Locus was just _so fucking earnest_. He wanted so badly to be good. In more than just school, he wanted to be the real kind of good. Felix had glimpsed the darkness in Locus, and it had felt familiar. Locus rejected that part of himself so hard, Felix was sure if Locus ever saw how much darkness was inside _him_ he would leave again. Locus wanted to be a _good_ person. Felix had no such aspirations.

Felix had spent a long time not even knowing if he would live _this_ long. Everything he’d had he’d fought for. That was the world Felix knew how to move in. Where people were interesting distractions and fun playthings and not… _real_. 

Locus was real. Undeniably, unmistakably, inescapably real. Felix _cared_ what Locus thought about him. He cared if something happened to him. The idea of Locus being hurt filled him with fear and rage, and he’d never understood why people could get angry on behalf of other people before.

Felix had seen a darkness in Locus, but more importantly he’d seen light. Hope, and determination, and caring, and actual real life _goodness_. And it was something he didn’t think anyone else bothered to see. 

He didn’t know if he wanted to scream to the world the bizarre miracle he had found or if he wanted to clutch it to himself and never let go. 

The intensity of this feeling was beyond troubling, and other people, people who weren’t as bright and solid and real to Felix, were a welcomed distraction. 

He threw himself into bed with the first fuck-buddy to return. Desmond, a fairly muscular boy with a prosthetic arm which in no way impeded his ability to fuck Felix numb. Mindless sex, free of _feelings_ and deep looks and that ache in his chest whenever he met Locus’ eyes. 

Desmond almost literally kicked Felix out of bed when they were finished. “You came on my sheets, you bitch.”

“You fucked me on your bed, asshole, I don’t know what you were expecting.” Felix laughed, breathless and still tingling from his orgasm. 

“First day back and I gotta do laundry.” Desmond grumbled and pushed Felix as he rolled to sit up. “Put your pants on and get out before my actual roommate gets back.”

“You don’t think he’ll like the show?” Felix pouted, but got up to find which discarded clothing was his. “You are incredibly grumpy for someone who just got off.”

“You’re incredibly still here for a fucking booty call.” Desmond rolled his eyes and stripped the sheets off of his bed.

“Ugh don’t call it that. Do people still say that?” Felix wrinkled his nose and pulled his school sweater over his head.

“Out.” Desmond kicked him lightly, sheet bundled in his arm. “Now.”

Felix groaned but followed instructions. “See if I suck you off next time.”

“See if I give a fuck.” Desmond looked like he would have flipped Felix off if he hadn’t been holding laundry.

Felix sighed, stretching as he wandered aimlessly down the hallway. He hadn’t really been expecting a cuddle, but it would have been nice to just enjoy the post-fuck high a little longer.

A part of him felt like he was betraying Locus somehow, even though they’d talked about it. They weren’t dating, they weren’t exclusive and they had both understood that. It was just that Locus didn’t seem to want anyone other than Felix, and Felix wanted all sorts of people. 

Sex was so very casual for Felix, no fuss no muss. Well, except for Desmond’s sheets. He didn’t really give a fuck about that though. When it was fun and it felt good it was one of his favourite things to do. There were times where it wasn’t fun, but Felix tried to make it at least useful in that case. It was just another thing he knew how to do.

It seemed like such a big thing to Locus. He wondered if Locus had been raised on that ‘pure until marriage’ garbage. Probably it was more that every step of the friendship had been big and important to Locus. Locus didn’t strike Felix as someone who’d had a lot of friends before. Maybe none. It was relatable in a way, but where Felix saw brief connections and instant gratification, Locus saw meaning in every touch and a purpose to every word.

Maybe that’s why it felt wrong. Locus was giving all of himself to Felix, and while Felix was giving more of himself than he’d ever given anyone, he was so far from that level of devoted.

Locus had decided to save Felix’s life, and Felix was fucking around to keep from thinking about him for just a little bit. Sometimes a conscience was a mother fucker, but it wasn’t like Felix knew how to deal with any of this another way.

He sighed, standing in the hall, full of students slowly relocating their rooms and settling back in. _You think he cares about you? He cannot._ He shook himself and tried not to think. Just not to think of anything. Not his mother, not Locus, not fucking Desmond and his stupid fucking laundry. 

This was so _fucking_ pointless. What was he going to do? Lie? Change who he was? He didn’t think he _could_ , even if he wanted to. He shoved his hands into his pockets and changed directions so he could go wander the library. Instead of returning to see Locus. To see Locus and know how obvious it was that he had been with someone else. Locus had noticed every other time he’d come back freshly fucked. He hadn’t said anything, but had known. Locus watched, and understood, and considered and put way too much thought into things having to do with Felix.

How was anyone supposed to deal with that? How did a person deal with someone caring _that much_? Was that normal? It wasn’t abnormal in books, but books were _fantasies_. They were worlds people lived in to pretend their own world wasn’t fucking awful.

He tapped the spines of the books on the shelf and studied the titles as if they held the answer. It wasn’t as simple as just not having sex anymore. It was a flaw in his personality. Maybe he really really _couldn’t_ care like normal people cared. Maybe his mother was right.

He took out some random horror book with blood splatter all over the cover and demon eyes staring out from the black of the page. _This thing I birthed is not human._ She’d said worse before. But she’d said that to Locus. Mothers were supposed to love their children unconditionally, according to society… His mother thought he was a monster. What did that say about him? Did Locus believe any of it? Would he by the time summer came?

Locus was broken, but trying so hard to put himself together. Felix pretended it was just more comfortable being broken than being whole. What if he couldn’t make it? What if even if he tried there was just something deeply, fundamentally _wrong_ with him?

He needed a drink. He needed… something. He needed an enemy. Someone he could point himself at and hate and fight. He could deal with that. If there was one thing Felix was an expert at it was hating, and tearing apart the people and things he hated.

He ended up walking to one of the empty study rooms at the back of the library and locking the door. He didn’t feel like seeing people anymore. He didn’t think he could deal with Locus caring about him right now. Maybe just maybe he could handle sitting on the floor and reading a book. That was familiar enough. Maybe someone would start drunkenly calling him names through the door and it would really feel like home.

\---

It was practicality mostly that made it so that Felix was on top when they kissed. Locus could handle Felix sprawled out on top of him, the reverse was not so likely. Still, Locus had been curious.

He kissed Felix first, testing the feel of it, trying to recapture the heat of that first time. Felix hadn’t kissed him like that since. At the time Locus hadn’t known what to do with it, he wanted to know what it would feel like now. Now that he knew this part of Felix, and that kissing him was normal.

Felix made a needy keening noise against Locus’ mouth as he pressed close and Locus burned with… something. It was so easy to pick Felix up and lay him out on the bunk without breaking the kiss. Felix had given him permission to touch him anywhere, and Locus pushed his hands up Felix’s shirt. He could feel Felix shivering under his touch and hear the hitching desperate sounds he made. Locus knelt down over him and kissed him again and again, more and more. He cupped his hands over Felix’s chest and tried to mimic the kisses that had made his heart race. He mouthed his way down Felix’s neck and bit as he sucked a mark. He had liked when Felix had done that to him, and Felix let out a noise caught between a whine and a moan. 

“Oh jesus. Jesus fuck.” Felix gasped and clung to Locus as he continued to explore and test and try to find the best ways to draw the best sounds out of him. “Fuck fuck. Oh _Fuck_ Locs. Locus. Fuck wait.”

Locus pulled back and looked at Felix’s face. He was flushed and panting, lips red and wet as he worked to get to words.

“Oh my god. I’m going to -- fuck -- I’m gonna start humping your _leg_ if you keep that up.” Felix whined between gasps of breath and Locus realised he had wedged his knee between Felix’s legs. And that Felix had reacted more than just vocally to his touch.

“I-I’m sorry.” Locus stammered and pulled back to give Felix space.

“ _Fuck_ don’t be.” Felix whined again as Locus pulled away and shook his head. “Do not be sorry. And fuck if we get to the sex parts, shit, do that. Do that a lot. Jesus.” He slowly pushed himself upright and grinned a little at Locus. “I like it a lot. Which... is the problem. I’m sorry. Fuck.”

Locus swallowed thickly and sat back on his bunk, letting Felix shakily get to his feet. He supposed, ultimately, he would want a reaction like that. That he turned Felix on, and could make him pant and squirm in that way… he felt a little short of breath just thinking it. 

“Fuck I am such a slut.” Felix muttered and shook himself. “I… I’m sorry.” He scrubbed his face with his hands and turned to their bathroom. 

The main reason they had the attached bathrooms was because the doors automatically locked on curfew, to keep anyone from getting into trouble. It had a little sliding door that sealed it off for privacy.

Locus turned out the light and lay back in his bed and tried to pretend the door blocked sound. He would have his own problem if he thought to hard about the way Felix sounded when he reached orgasm. He tried to muffle it, keep quiet and decent but the little door just let too much sound through. That panting desperate moan, muffled but audible, echoed in Locus’ mind as he tried to will himself asleep.

Technically the experiment had been a success. He had succeeded in making Felix feel good, and finding what got the best sort of reaction. He just wasn’t as ready to handle the results as he thought he would be.

Sex was _so easy_ for so many people. Locus knew he could trust Felix to make sure he was comfortable, that he would enjoy it. Felix knew how to have sex, and seemingly knew exactly what to do to make Locus feel good. His fear was irrational. 

Sex was _not_ a huge step. There was nothing about him that would be wrong or changed if he had it. He understood logically that it would make the most sense to proceed to that. And still the thought panicked him. Even when thinking of it gave him his own erection, the idea of having anyone deal with it besides himself was uncomfortable.

Maybe he just needed to get it over with? Maybe he would fine if he just had sex and was done with it.

But for Felix it was important that Locus enjoy it. It almost seemed more important to him that Locus enjoy it than that he himself be satisfied with it. It would be disrespectful to that effort if Locus just… 

This shouldn’t be as complicated an issue as it was. He wished the only person he trusted to ask wasn’t the person he had to ask about.

\---

Felix felt like the worst kind of person. Was he _that_ sexually wired? Locus could make out without getting a fucking hard on. Locus didn’t want things to get sexual and Felix still let himself get mindlessly turned on.

What the fuck happened to restraint? It wasn’t like he wasn’t fucking other people. During lunch break he’d run into another ‘acquaintance’ and had found himself in his bed too. He’d been fucked rough and used and he’d felt _good_ about it.

Locus touched him like he mattered. It felt so entirely different than getting pushed down and his hair pulled. Locus wasn’t going to call him a little whore. Even here where he’d tried ‘being rough’ he’d placed Felix in the bed, he’d given Felix room to push away, he’d pulled back the instant Felix had said to. Even heavy make outs with Locus were fucking tender and considerate. 

Felix was starting to get afraid he couldn’t live up to that. What could he do with that? He was dirty and nasty and just absolutely a slut and Locus…

Fuck, Locus deserved someone better than Felix, but Felix didn’t think he could be a good enough person to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Desmond is Demo Man


	12. First Blush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Standard sexual education is goddamn useless

There were too many fucking people in this school. Felix had forgotten how many people were always fucking _everywhere_.

Where could a person go to think when there was already a fucking mob of girls chatting or a couple making out or some brooding asshole blocking the only door that had roof access and a broken alarm.

Fucking everywhere.

Felix had found himself hiding behind the fucking smoker’s shed that absolutely was never used for smoking, promise. It was more than a little gross, but it was abandoned for the moment and Felix needed a chance to breathe. 

When the fuck had life gotten so intense? He skated through things, social interactions? Say what they wanted to hear. School? Answer the questions and bullshit the rest. In between that it was just roll with the punches and sleep. That’s what he knew how to do. No one felt like fighting him since the Watts had taken an extra week of holidays to recover from their injuries. Most conversations were superficial and useless and normal but now Locus was there. 

Locus was in his room, Locus was at his lunch table, Locus was in his classes. Locus was in his fucking dreams. And _that_ was a little sad, he had no one to blame but himself for that last one.

Worst of all he _wanted_ Locus there. It felt wrong when he was gone. He could talk to Locus, _really_ talk to Locus. He didn’t need to spin half-truths or pretend to like something or… anything. Locus liked _him_. It was exhilarating to be so honest with someone.

And _terrifying_. It was absolutely terrifying being that honest. That Locus knew this much about who Felix was was an absolute nightmare. No one should know him that well. It would be so easy to just be comfortable but god _damn_ he couldn’t manage it. Now he fucking cared. Now he actually worried if Locus would like what he saw when he looked at the real Felix. He actually fucking wanted Locus to like him. All of him. The real him.

He was pretty sure no one could like the real him. So that meant lying. And Felix didn’t want to lie to Locus. But it seemed like it was boiling down to ‘lie to Locus’ or ‘lose Locus’ and there was no winning in that.

“Do you even own a coat?”

Felix nearly jumped out of his skin as Kaylee approached. She was in fact wearing a proper winter jacket over her uniform. 

“Isn’t that what these blazers are for?” Felix grinned and tried to pretend he hadn’t at all even remotely been startled.

“I’m pretty sure they’re for hiding shape and curbing the sexuality of the terror children.” Kaylee drawled boredly and pulled a package of cigarettes from her pocket. 

“Well they have done an absolutely wonderful job, I’m sure none of us will ever have _any_ sex while we are wearing these.” Felix rolled his eyes and blew into his hands.

Kaylee snorted and lit her cigarette. She was quiet a moment, letting the topic settle. “You look less like a corpse these days, by the way.”

“Wow thanks, means a lot.” Felix wrinkled his nose. He had put on weight, it had filled out his cheeks in a way he had not known his cheeks could be. It was… almost startling how fast he seemed to round out even on this small increase.

“I’m going to guess it was Locus?”

Felix scowled at her, Kaylee didn’t ask things she already knew unless there was an alternative goal behind it. It was pretty obvious, at least to the observant, that Locus had been the one to intervene.

“I just wanted to know what was up with that.” She sighed and took a bored drag off her cigarette. “You two cuddle like newlyweds, but _you’ve_ been fucking your way through your little black book like it’s the end of the world.”

Felix groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. “We’re not dating.”

“Okay. Not the question.”

“There actually wasn’t a question. There was a series of statements and an inquisitive look. _Totally_ different.” Felix stuck out his tongue and Kaylee wrinkled her nose.

“He likes you, you know? Like in that… soft fluffy way.” 

“Are you fucking--” Felix winced and bit his thumbnail.

“Don’t lie to me, bitch. If I can see it you know it. You actually read those fucking micro-expressions of his.” She flicked ash into the snow and glanced at Felix. “You gonna do something about it?”

“How ‘bout you?” Felix snapped. “It’s not like Abbey’s been very discrete about _her_ feelings.”

Kaylee hummed and pursed her lips a moment. “Abbey’s a good person.” She responded finally. “Good people should fall in love with good people. Things are a lot less messy that way.”

Felix blew out his breath slowly and stared pointedly at nothing at all. “...yeah. Locus is a good person.”

Kaylee considered that and nodded before stubbing out her cigarette on the heel of her shoe. “And that’s the shitty part, isn’t it?”

Felix groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“We aren’t good people, Felix. You know that as well as I do.” Kaylee was too fucking… observant. And gave too much of a fuck about what she observed. It was such a fucking mess.

“This is going to get messy.”

“Probably, no matter what you do.”

“What the fuck do you even want, Kaylee?” Felix sighed, this was why he wanted somewhere _empty_. Somewhere to be _alone_. And not deal with his stupid fucking bullshit problems.

“I wanted a smoke. You’re the asshole hiding behind the shed.” She said dully and brushed herself off. “Much as your drama can be entertaining, you should probably consider your next step carefully. You’re going to have to live with yourself after it.”

She didn’t say goodbye or anything like that, just turned and walked away leaving Felix feeling even more conflicted than he’d been when he’d come out.

This was all fucking bullshit.

\---

Locus needed more information. Normal teens probably had the internet to turn to but the school proxy settings blocked almost every website he even tried to search. And what _was_ he supposed to search? The specifics of the act? Sexuality? What was normal and what wasn’t? He didn’t even know where to start and it was far too embarrassing to try and ask someone. Everything he knew was that teenage boys were supposed to basically think about sex all the time. At least that was the joke. It’s what was in books and shows and… everything. He hadn’t related to that before. He’d never known someone he wanted to have sex with.

He hadn’t even felt that way when he’d met Felix. It wasn’t as if something clicked like some love at first sight thing. It wasn’t like a romance novel, it was like over time the things that Felix did… this look, that gesture, his laugh… it all came together to slowly built a picture that Locus was starting to find appealing. But years of not caring left him _so unprepared_. 

He’d paid enough attention in the sex ed classes to get passing grades but it was all… Felix wasn’t going to get pregnant. He said he was clean. Nothing in their program had covered gay sex. Most of it was boiled down to ‘don’t’. That had worked well for him at the time, he knew how to do ‘don’t’. He’d been content with ‘don’t’.

But then he’d kissed Felix, felt him squirm under him, heard him moan. Now he understood how people could obsess over this. 

He knew Felix was sexually attracted to him. He assumed at least. Felix had said as much, on the first day they’d met even. And he’d never done anything to retract that statement. He’d gotten aroused when they’d kissed. Locus knew that wasn’t enough to be a definite, he shouldn’t just take for granted that Felix would want to have sex whenever he was prepared to have sex, but. He could understand that there was an offer and a mutual interest.

The only thing so far holding them back was Locus. Thinking about it in the abstract was fine, but the moment? That was so much, so overwhelming. He should probably just talk to Felix about it.

Felix would _know_. He was a self-professed expert on the subject. But asking would be… Locus hated looking stupid. He’d already admitted so much ignorance about the subject. What was he even supposed to say? ‘Theoretically should we have sexual intercourse what would we actually _do_?’

Felix was going to laugh at him. And while usually Locus liked hearing Felix laugh, it wasn’t as charming when it was at his own expense. 

This was all so very, very stupid.

\---

Locus wanted to say something. He kept looking up from his homework, pausing, then turning back to it. 

It was making Felix twitchy. He wanted to shout at him to spit it out already but he was worried about what it would be. Maybe he wanted to stop, he hadn’t realised how much of a fucking skank Felix was? Like it was cute when it was Christmas and everything was all ‘most wonderful time of the year’ but now Felix was just too much. 

Felix was an asshole, he was mouthy, and rude, and violent, and he seemingly couldn’t just make out with someone without getting carried away. The actual idea of someone like Locus liking someone like Felix was ridiculous. He felt like he was in some shitty romance movie. Only he was the bad boy the poor heroine learned a lesson from and went on to love someone right. He was the wrong choice in the beginning of the story. 

This was getting so fucking stupid, every time Locus looked up Felix freezed, bracing for the worst. 

Why was this the worst? Why did it fucking matter if Locus realised that Felix was fucking trash. Everyone did eventually. He was used to it. It would be easier if they just got it over with, right?

But Felix wanted to keep Locus. Not in some creepy weird way but like. Fuck he _wanted_ Locus to _like_ him. Even though he knew Kaylee was right. It would be messy and it would hurt and it would be a goddamn stupid piece of shit mistake. But he was terrified of letting Locus go. That seemed like it would hurt more than anything else had, and that felt so fucking melodramatic. 

He’d read the same paragraph in his book three times and nearly threw it against the wall when Locus looked up again. Finally he snapped. “What _is_ it?” 

Fuck.

Fuck. No. 

He didn’t want to know. He didn’t mean that. Shit.

“I…” Locus sighed and turned his chair properly so he could look at Felix. He was uncomfortable, obviously. Blushing slightly but that could mean fucking anything. 

Fuck fuck fuck.

Locus sighed, looked away, scowled at the wall then turned back to start again. “How do we have sex?”

What.

“What?”

“I-I mean. They didn’t really cover-- I don’t--” Locus was flustered and blushing more and actually gesturing with his hands as he struggled for words and _jesus fucking christ_ absolutely no one should be allowed to be this adorable. “I don’t know… how it works.”

Locus was so fucking embarrassed. He was staring directly at his knees and pretending his braid was coming undone and doing basically anything but look at Felix.

Felix was… not expecting that. He was not braced for that. That was not what he was braced for at all. He hadn’t meant to laugh but he’d been so fucking releaved. 

Locus looked horrified.

“No. No don’t.” Felix waved his hand and pushed himself up and tried to shake off his own blush. “That. Sorry. I wasn’t… I wasn’t expecting that to come up… as a problem. I guess. I’m sorry.”

Locus was now covering his face with his hands and looked a little like he wouldn’t mind if he just dropped into the earth and disappeared.

“Okay. No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. I’m sorry.” Felix coughed and pressed his cheeks to cool his own blush. “I… what are you. Um. Having trouble with?”

“Most of it? I just. I haven’t… studied?” The look on Locus’ face was painful. God damn Felix knew he was a virgin. He just wasn’t expecting… he had no idea why he expected Locus to know this except for that Locus seemed to know something about most things.

“Uh like… The practicality of how anal sex works? Or like how many ways can we have sex? Or what actions that are considered sexual can we do?” Felix gestured awkwardly trying to guess what he needed and ease Locus back into being comfortable. He liked sex talks to be comfortable. If everyone was comfortable then no one was scared and that was just the best way for sex to be involved in any of it.

Locus looked overwhelmed. “...All? Maybe. I think. I don’t know… where to start.”

Felix considered that, then noticed Locus’ worried expression and held up a hand. “I’m just thinking how to put it. Not knowing where to start is valid.”

Locus seemed to relax and Felix popped to his feet. “Okay first. There’s a whole variety of ways of getting each other off that are totally fucking valid and shit, okay? Like it’s always all ‘sex is when you put your dick in it’ but like. Not always true.” He was gesturing wildly and trying to sort out how to explain all of it without it being overwhelming or weird and Locus was watching him so attentively. He didn’t want to disappoint.

“Like anal sex is pretty basic, like lube up, stretch and stick it in. Honestly the rest comes pretty naturally. You will know what to do. Pro tip, talk to whoever you’re fucking to make sure they’re on the same page with this shit. Lots of people forget that part and that’s where things start to go wrong.” Jesus christ he was actually using the sex hand gesture. He shook his hands out. “Like a lot of things the specifics are more important in the actual situation ‘cause everyone’s got their own likes and shit, right? Though you don’t know your kinks yet, that’s cool. We can figure that out. If you want to. I mean that’s the importantest part. If you want to.”

Locus nodded slowly and seemed to be taking it all in. “I… am pretty sure I want to. But it’s… a lot all at once?”

“Well it doesn’t have to be!” Felix held his hands out in a half shrug. “It’s absolutely a thing to start slow. Like handjobs are still fun and they’re generally less intense. Like if you wanna start but don’t wanna like go hard I can jerk you off. That’s a totally legit place to start?”

Locus breathed slowly, taking in the idea and then finally nodding again. “If there’s a starting small then maybe that?”

Felix almost laughed with relief. This was a confusing clusterfuck of a conversation, but it was so, so much better than what he was afraid of. He could talk sex. That was something he actually knew how to manage. “We can definitely, definitely start small. Though Locs I have seen your dick there is nothing small goin’ on with that--”

Locus cut him off with a kiss. He hadn’t even noticed Locus getting up but there he was. The kiss was hot and hard and a little desperate and Felix was more than happy to melt into it.


	13. First Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftershocks, feelings and assholes

Felix was rarely a cuddler. Usually there was that brief moment to bask in the glow of a good orgasm and then just carrying on with the day. He’d already cuddled with Locus before he’d ever touched his dick so that, ultimately, was different.

Locus sexier than anyone had any right being. Felix had loved every minute of watching the shift of his muscles and listening to his voice. In his stupid filthy fantasies he’d imagined what Locus’ face would look like as he came, and the reality had absolutely trumped that. 

Even now, messy and sticky and flushed and struggling to steady his breathing Locus was sexy. Just really fucking goddamn sexy. Felix wanted to live in this moment a long, long time and just appreciate the dazed expression on Locus’ face as he came down from an orgasm. 

It was downright fucking beautiful.

“That’s… significantly more intense than masturbation.” Locus mumbled, and Felix laughed and rested his forehead against Locus’ shoulder.

“Well making out is intense, and being with another person’s intense, and this being a first for you… yeah it all gets a lot more intense when you throw someone else into the mix.” Especially if you actually liked the person, Felix kept that last part to himself. He liked casual useless sex with people he barely knew the name of, but there’d been something in all this business with Locus. Something that had been intense since the very start and managed to get more intense as they carried on.

“That makes sense…” Locus murmured and kissed the top of Felix’s head. In these past few weeks Felix had gotten more honest affectionate contact than he had ever gotten in his entire life. It was a little bit overwhelming… but still nice. Definitely nice.

“You’re so warm.” Felix felt himself saying, he wasn’t really thinking anymore. It wasn’t the haze of orgasm or anything like that, he felt a little like he was melting into some sort of dream.

Locus didn’t hate him. At least so far. Locus had wanted him to touch him. He had liked it and encouraged it and even if technically they had just jerked each other off it was still the most tender goddamn sex Felix had ever had. This was a good moment. A good, comfortable, happy moment that Felix was just going to bask in a little bit. He didn’t get a lot of pure happy moments, he wanted this one to last.

Locus hummed and traced idle lines down Felix’s back with his fingers. It was a little bit ticklish but it felt nice too. There was no rush to get dressed before the bell rang or getting kicked out because he’d served his purpose.

Goddammit he was really starting to like Locus. Actual like. Real like… with messy goddamn feelings and everything. This was going to hurt one day. But today Felix was just going to doze off with his head tucked against Locus’ shoulder, listening to his heartbeat and feeling him breathing. 

\---

Locus hadn’t been sure what he was expecting. It wasn’t as if a high school library gave him access to the kind of reading material he was sure exaggerated and made mystic of sex. Though it wasn’t as if he had had sex. It was the first part. Step one, or something like it. Maybe step one had actually been the kissing. He wasn’t sure what step they were actually on here, but it was nice. 

Felix’s hands were rougher than he expected. He had realised they were covered in scars but he hadn’t expected to feel them so acutely. But Felix seemed prepared for that. He was prepared for everything. It was intimidating, a little, how much Felix knew and how much Locus _didn’t_. But Felix was always very conscious of that. Not condescending, just… aware. He _had_ laughed when Locus had asked him, but he’d apologised and explained and taken him through some beginning steps. 

It was a little like having a mentor, but thinking of it like that was a little weird so he dismissed that thought as soon as it came to him. It was a relationship. Like they’d discussed it wasn’t dating. It wasn’t boyfriends. It was just… something. A relationship. And it made sense to him like that.

The bunks were hardly big enough to contain Locus, but Felix was still so tiny he had wiggled his way in, half on Locus and half squished against the wall. He seemed comfortable and perfectly content despite that Locus couldn’t see how. He was sleeping lightly, and Locus could feel his breath against his chest.

This was good. This had been silly to worry about. Felix was a stubborn brat half the time but he took this sort of thing seriously. Maybe not always, Locus wasn’t ignorant of Felix’s many… flings? Dalliances made him feel like some sort of stuffy old woman. No matter what he called it in his head, he knew. He knew Felix could be casual and seemingly frivolous, but he took Locus seriously.

Locus liked to think he was too logical to be jealous. It was unreasonable after all. Felix had been behaving this way since long before he met Locus. Expecting him to change that was childish at best. And yet still, despite his best efforts, he could feel it edging in. There was something that Felix needed from other people, something Locus wasn’t able to give him. Locus had no right to expect any of Felix’s time, so he should just be grateful Felix spent as much of it with him as he did.

It was easier during the break. Locus didn’t have to think about it because Locus had all of Felix’s attention. He’d liked that more than he cared to admit. There was a selfish part of him that longed for that again. Days when he could count on Felix being there at least most of the day to…

What? Sit in the room and watch him study? Was he that selfish? That he wanted Felix to be there all the time… it was ridiculous and Locus _knew_ it was ridiculous.

Felix was curled up against him, smiling and asleep and shouldn’t that be enough? It should be enough that Felix spent any time with him. 

He just missed him when he was gone. And he wished he could be what Felix needed when he sought out other people. Locus held no misconceptions that he was social. He didn’t associate well with others. He missed jokes and didn’t follow social cues and people, in general, were uncomfortable with him being around. Felix was the first real friend Locus had ever really had. He didn’t always know how to deal with that.

He thought perhaps his feelings were also something else, friendship was rarely described as heart racing, chest tight, desperate longing. Going by the logic of what he had read Locus thought, probably, that he had a romantic interest in Felix. It was difficult to see where friendship ended and romance began. It felt like they were blurring the line already but Felix had many friends he did this and more with. 

Felix likely did not feel the same. He assumed that Felix viewed Locus as a friend. He hoped he was a good friend. Felix did not want a boyfriend. Felix liked the physical sensation and he liked Locus’ company. He also liked the company of other people. 

It was something he had to just accept and move on from, but it held him. This selfish longing to have Felix all to himself. It was embarrassing to admit even to himself. It seemed very, very childish.

Felix did not want a boyfriend, and Locus wanted to be what Felix wanted. So he wasn’t going to be Felix’s boyfriend. If he wanted Felix to continue to feel comfortable coming back to him, Locus had to accept that he would, at times, leave.

Perhaps it would get easier once he got used to the idea that he had romantic feelings for Felix. He could identify these emotions, accept them, and set them aside as he had so many others. Love was just as inconvenient to him as rage was. He didn’t need to think about it.

\---

Felix had always, secretly, thought that Ross was a little pathetic. He was one of his little army of loners that he’d befriended when he thought the Watts were going to be more of an issue, or other threats for that matter. He knew bigger fish were starting to look at him now as someone worth paying attention to. He was just going to have to wait and see where that went.

But Ross. Ross did not sit alone by choice, Ross sat alone because he was kind of a rude little sadsack. When Felix had started giving him attention Ross had spent half his time complaining about the other kids who just wouldn’t give him a chance. It was sad in the ‘awww’ way, but also the pathetic way. He was bitter, but he was very useful for information. Ross watched everyone jealously, and would happily tell Felix what everyone else was doing. Even with the running commentary of how pathetic or shallow or whatever everyone was being, it was useful information. So Felix sat with Ross every now and then at lunch, and talked to him in English class. He pretended to be interested in the novel Ross was writing about some assassin and the true nature of humanity or something. _Pretend_ interest. Remember just enough to ask the right questions so he thinks he’s being listened to. 

Ross didn’t seem to have other friends. It seemed he was fairly popular on some internet forums and stuff before he came to Charon, but Charon had internet access that went through so many proxy filters getting to said forums was basically impossible. And so Ross had Felix. Sometimes Felix considered setting members of his loner-net up together so they could bother each other for a change but there was a good chance they’d be less useful that way.

“If they realised how shallow and meaningless all their little sports and shit were maybe we could actually fucking accomplish something as like a species.” Ross gestured adamantly as Felix wondered if he could put off actually planning his essay another week. He could probably get it done in a weekend?

“I guess I can kinda get where you’re going with that. I’ve never been a huge sports fan. I like mixed martial arts, though…” But then again there was supposed to be a Math exam coming up, and there was finals to prepare for. He should at least work on the notes? He could bullshit the rest once he had a proper topic.

“Martial arts are different. They’re like… training for survival. You gotta be strong to make it through the world today.” Felix was pretty sure Ross had never been in a fight in his life, but he nodded anyway.

“Strong and mean seem to be some of the more useful survival skills I know. But also I guess it’s kinda a tie between whether being an asshole will let you win or get you punched in the face.” Felix wrinkled his nose and wondered if he sounded like Ross when he talked about survival. 

Ross laughed and put his hand on Felix’s arm. “See you get it man. The world just chews you up if you don’t fight back.”

Felix grinned and wondered what was the appropriate length of time he had to put up with that hand before he was allowed to move his arm. Socially speaking, if he wanted Ross to remain his ‘friend’. “It has been known to fuck me up a couple times, I will admit to that. Learning how to punch people in the face has been a very useful skill.”

“Better than what the teach in these textbooks. Like we need any of this to live. Am I going to need Hamlet bullshit in the future?” Ross was still laughing, and also still touching Felix. 

Felix was starting to reconsider his stance on homework. He didn’t think he sounded like this much of an asshole when he protested the usefulness of English homework but he didn’t want to risk it. Maybe he’d work on his essay after all?

Ross was rubbing his arm a little with his thumb and had still not taken it back. Felix wondered if he could just will someone to move their goddamn arm. 

Then he realised that Ross was stroking his arm with his thumb. Ross was getting attached. Ross had been testing the waters and Felix had not pulled back and now Ross thought that it was okay.

It was not okay. Ross was a valuable information resource, Felix did not want to have to get rid of him. Maybe if he just ignored it it would go away? Having a slutty reputation was such a pain sometimes. Some people just assumed he was open business to anyone with a dick they wanted sucked.

Felix was going to sit with Ross a little less often at lunch maybe. That would probably be a good idea.

\---

“Locus on a scale of 1-10 how much of an asshole am I?” Felix sprawled on his bunk, science textbook laying open on his stomach. 

“15.” Locus didn’t look up from his work or pause for consideration.

Felix made a disgusted noise but wasn’t honestly sure what he was expecting. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“...what?” Locus did pause for that, and turn to look at Felix with wary concern.

“I have been studying atomic makeups and periodic tables and elemental bullshit for like two hours I think I may be dying.” Felix whined at him, as if that was an explanation. 

“I am overwhelmed by sympathy.” Locus responded dryly. “Perhaps if you had kept up with your homework you wouldn’t need to cram like this.”

“There’s like two weeks until finals it’s not cramming if it’s not the night before and fueled by caffeine and tears.” Felix stuck out his tongue, but sighed, Locus probably had a point but he had no intention of giving it to him.

“Well I’m fairly certain that reading the textbook because you don’t have any notes doesn’t actually count as real studying.” Locus had perfect notes, with highlighted sections and footnotes and it was all perfectly legible and in pen and never scribbled out. He was currently summarising further by compressing to note cards. Which was apparently how ‘real students’ studied.

“Well. So long as I pass it all works out in the end.” Felix groaned and covered his face with his text book.

“Next semester try taking things seriously and you might not spend two weeks trying to learn what the rest of us did over the course of four months.” Locus had no sympathy. Locus was a good student and was just basically a fucking nerd.

“Do you think I could piss someone off enough to put me in the hospital again over the next two weeks? I might get to miss finals that way…” 

“You are absolutely capable of pissing someone off enough to put you in the hospital. There has never been reason to doubt your ability to piss people off. They will still make you take your finals.”

“Life is the worst.”

“Mm.”


	14. First Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finals take no prisoners

Dead Week did strange things to people. Someone got a week of detention for having smuggled in 42 cans of red bull. Abbey’s chipper mood slipped into ‘desperate and despairing denial’ as she tried to cram in a few notes between bites of lunch. Anthony seemed to have given up and had simply succumb to the despair of failure already. Kaylee was unaffected because Kaylee was fucking inhuman. Felix wondered if hidden away in her dorm room Kaylee was cramming and panicked like the rest of them, or if she was always just… Kaylee.

Locus had spent the past few weeks transferring his notes to cue cards. Now he carried his cue cards everywhere on a little ring and reviewed them any time they weren’t getting taught the last minute shit teachers didn’t realise they did not have time to learn right now.

Felix was wondering how much more he would fail his English final if he just spent the night before drinking what was left of his spiced rum. “I’m dropping out of school and selling my organs. I don’t need two kidneys. I could probably get an apartment for that, right?”

“You can’t drop out of school until you’re 16.” Locus rarely looked up from his cue cards anymore, but he still managed to follow the flow of conversation.

“I might be 16. You don’t know.” Felix snapped, but there was no real venom. He had no venom left. He was mostly just stress and coffee at this point. 

“Are you 16?”

“How much does a human kidney go for, do you think? I mean it has to be pretty good right? On the black market or something?” Felix changed the subject and lay his head down on the table. 

“I think you’ve probably killed most of your organs by now so they’re probably worthless.” Kaylee responded dryly.

“Hey fuck you I am in the prime of my youth.”

“I think your blood is made up of a mixture of vodka and coffee at this point.” Kaylee pointed out.

“Rum actually.” Locus still didn’t look up from his _fucking cue cards_ but still managed to gang up on him.

“You’re the worst friends ever. You don’t even have faith in my kidneys.” When he looked up from the table he noticed that Desmond was walking over. “Hey Desmond.”

“Felix.” Desmond stopped and rubbed the back of his neck. “D’you have any free time?”

“Does _anyone_?” Felix raised an eyebrow slowly and smirked.

“Come on, seriously.” Desmond sighed, he looked like he’d been pulling at his hair and had also not slept for at least three days.

“Yeah I guess I do. The two minutes you last isn’t going to affect my grade.” Felix pushed himself out of his chair and patted Locus on the back.

“Asshole.” Desmond rolled his eyes, but still lead the way to his room.

“That’s what you’re after.”

\---

Locus was not aware he was watching Felix leave until Kaylee offered, “We could probably kick his ass for you if you’d like?”

Locus nearly jumped, how distracted had he been? And usually he was Felix’s tagalong, he had trouble joining in on conversations. He didn’t think the rest of them had paid much attention to him. “What?”

“I’m pretty sure Kaylee could take him.” Abbey offered, looking briefly away from her notebooks. 

“Why… why would I want you to hurt him?” Locus frowned and wondered if there had been a previous statement he had missed before Kaylee’s offer.

“‘Cause he’s being a shithead.” Anthony sighed and emerged from his despair huddle. 

“We are talking about Felix? That is generally his default setting.” Locus was very sure he was missing something. Was this an initiation or something? They didn’t seem like the sort to pull anything like that but he really wasn’t following.

“Like goin’ off with Des when you’re sittin’ _right there_.” Abbey rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it’s his default but like seriously?”

Locus felt his face starting to get hot. Oh. “We’re not… He just does that.”

“Yeah, and when he’s walking away you still look all pine-y.” Kaylee tilted her head, Locus always felt a little like he was a specimen to be studied with Kaylee. She was always watching for… something.

“I. I don’t pine.” Locus suddenly felt very on the spot. He wasn’t a fan. He didn’t want everyone paying attention to him at once. He generally liked it if most people ignored him. They were noticing and probably noticing things he still didn’t have a proper hold on. He was very flushed and it was likely very obvious.

“Oh sweety.” Abbey sighed and leaned her chin in her hands. “You really do.”

“I expect he hasn’t noticed. Which is part of the offer to kick his ass. For ignoring you.” Kaylee picked up her drink and casually took a sip. Kaylee was a lot more relatable than a lot of people Locus knew. She was to the point and rarely expressed things in an overly emotional manner. 

“He isn’t. We aren’t like that. I do know he has multiple sex partners.” Locus wondered if he could just go back to reading his cue cards and dealing with that instead. 

“It’s still fuckin’ rude. Like bein’ that obvious? I mean jeez.” Abbey huffed and glared in the direction Felix had left in. 

“He’s always been obvious. He very obviously enjoys sex and has it with many people.” Locus pointed out.

“And _you_ being in the picture now is what makes it kind of shitty.” Kaylee stated bluntly. “You obviously have feelings for him. He may not have noticed them but either way he carries on with you, and then goes to fuck Desmond in his lunch break. It’s shitty behaviour. It may be normal for him but it’s shitty.”

“He’s not--” Locus choked a little and looked down. “Am I really obvious? I don’t want that to come across. What am I doing that’s obvious?”

“Sweety. You were here for three years and you never talked to _anyone_. When he leaves you like… wilt. _And_ like… well you just saw what it was like with Des. It’s like ‘oh hey you got time to fuck?’ ‘Yeah sure whatever.’ And like then you’re all casual touching and gentle kisses and warm smiles.” Abbey gestured and made voices as she described the situation.

“It’s true Felix’s behaviour changed too.” Anthony still looked like he wanted to lay down and give up on life, but that apparently didn’t stop him from weighing in. “Remember when they were fighting?”

“Right! Like he was super sulky about it. He was all denyin’ it and shit but he basically fuckin’ lit up when you came back. Like there’s _something_ right? Like you’re both just… like you’re about to be a couple but he keeps fuckin’ it up.” 

“ _Is_ that what it’s like?” Kaylee asked, eyebrow arched and Locus wasn’t sure if that expression was analysing or judging.

“No. We spoke over Christmas. We are not a couple, we’re friends. I just… enjoy his company. This conversation is uncomfortable.” Locus was considering just leaving. He could probably be justified in just leaving. This was prying, wasn’t it? It was definitely more forward than people should be.

“Oh…” Abbey looked like she hadn’t realised it could be uncomfortable. “Sorry, man I didn’t think… y’all just look so sad when he leaves.”

Kaylee shrugged. “Sorry we pushed, but the offer’s still on the table. If he fucks up too badly we may be friends but I’ll still kick his ass.”

“Yeah we got you covered big guy.”

“I just want you both t’ be happy.” Abbey ducked her head, embarrassed.

“We have the situation handled.” It was only a little bit a lie. Locus just needed to disengage certain emotions he hadn’t expected to deal with. It was taking time but he would handle it.

“Well so long as you guys’re okay.”

\---

Desmond fell asleep like a chump, and in small retaliation for last time Felix didn’t bother to wake him. Let him sort out his missed classes if he was gonna be an asshole. Not Felix’s problem.

He was still trying to make sure all his buttons were appropriately rebuttoned when he knocked into Ross in the hall. Ross looked him over and frowned and Felix considered how much he would lose if he just cut ties with Ross right there.

“I don’t understand why you let people treat you like that.” He stated bluntly and crossed his arms.

“Like… dude, what?” Felix wrinkled his nose and tightened his tie into place. This was gonna be fun. For sure.

“Like you’re some sort of on demand prostitute or something. You’re fuckin’ worth more than that.”

“What like hourly? I mean I could stand a raise.” Yeah no fuck this. Ross wasn’t this useful.

“Why are you joking about this? You’re important. You should be with someone who treats you like you’re important, not some cheap whore.” 

“Well you know a) I am totally not cheap. I am a _quality_ whore. Thankyouverymuch. And b) I get treated pretty damn well. I mean shit, I _am_ pretty important, so I make sure people recognise it.” Felix grinned brightly contemplating whether he wanted to make this a fight or just deal with it as was. This was gonna make the last few English classes pretty awkward.

“I’m _serious_ Felix. You’re better than this. You’re one of the only actually intelligent people here. You deserve better than what they whisper about you.” Ross seemed to feel this was a very important issue. His face was getting red and blotchy, which Felix couldn’t place as a blush or anger. 

“Aw shit what are they whispering? Because if I have to bring in new clients it’s gonna have to wait ‘til after finals. I still haven’t figured out sucking cocks and studying algebra at the same time.” Felix didn’t really charge anyone anything. It was a lot of mutual back-scratching. But the insinuation that Felix would be cheap or dirty if he _was_ a whore had set him on edge. And it _really_ seemed to bother Ross.

“Can you take me seriously Felix? Please? I _mean_ it. You mean a lot to me and I hate seeing you like this. You deserve someone who would take care of you!” Ross’ voice took on a pleading edge.

“You know what? Fuck it. I actually have one of those. He’s pretty great, but like that is my quota for people who give a fuck. Locus handles all that delicate shit just fine. I am sufficiently supplied with people who treat me gentle. So like, if this is you turning in your resume? The position’s filled please try again never and kindly go fuck yourself.”

“What that giant freak? He _abandoned_ you for like a month! He’s a fucking creep. I don’t know what he has on you but--” Felix didn’t let Ross finish his sentence, he just punched him in the gut and let him drop.

“Hey yeah. No one has anything on me. Really not a fan of the insinuation. I don’t really need to defend Locus, but he’s actually pretty great so I will. Stop talking shit about shit you don’t know. Great. Glad we had this talk.” Felix rolled his eyes as Ross groaned on the floor. He had figured Ross wouldn’t be able to handle a real fight. “Oh. Right, also! Fun fact. I like it when people treat me like a filthy little slut. Also guess what? It’s none of your goddamn business. So I guess in summary, eat shit and go die. Bye Ross. It’s been great but I think I’m going to have to let you go from the friend position. You just were not a good fit for this organisation. Maybe if you work on not being a little shit? Just a thought.”

Felix sighed and threw his blazer on and started to walk away.

“I’m trying to help you!” Ross’ voice was strained and a little teary, Felix almost wanted to look back and see if he was seriously crying but he didn’t care quite enough. “Why won’t you let me?”

“Don’t need it. Thanks for playing. The prize is I only punched you once.” Felix flipped him off over his shoulder and headed back to get his books for his next class.

\---

“And seriously now I have to fill a gap in my information and it’s such a pain in the ass!”

Felix had been pacing their room and ranting since classes had ended. Locus wasn’t sure if he could get away with ignoring him or not. He was a little irritated that Felix had abandoned him to the weird lunchtime interrogation. But Felix did seem genuinely pissed, which probably wasn’t going to wear off if he didn’t get it out of his system.

“Do you really need that much information about the other students here?” Locus leaned back in his chair to watch Felix pace.

“Who knows? No one’s picked a fight since before Christmas but that doesn’t mean that they won’t. I need to be prepared! Every bit of assistance I can get is important. _God_ but it was not worth putting up with that bullshit. ‘Weh weh people whisper about you’ what the fuck ever, right? Unless they’re whispering about kicking the shit outta me behind the smoker’s shed I don’t need that info. And do I _honestly_ look like I care if people are calling me a slut behind my back? I am a slut. It’s accurate information.” Felix began pulling off pieces of his uniform, all while still pacing. All while still gesturing furiously. 

“Well something about it bothered you.” Locus pointed out.

“Because he got all… all savior-y. ‘I need to rescue you from your sinful life.’ Like I should be fucking grateful? Wow thanks for insulting me, my life, people I care about.” He stumbled a little when he pulled off his pants and growled with frustration. “This is why I shouldn’t get close to normal people. They’re fucking assholes. I’ve got a you, I’m pretty much set there for close friends. I’m good. You give a fuck. That’s all the caring I can handle. I do not need his pasty ass looking out for me.”

Locus probably shouldn’t be touched that Felix was bringing him up like that. He liked that Felix referred to him not only as a friend, but a _close_ friend. That was probably not the most important point Felix was trying to get across, but it made him feel good just the same. 

Felix collapsed onto his bunk in his boxers, legs dangling onto the floor. “I just. God I fucking _hate_ when people do that. Act like I’m fucking _dirty_ or something. Like I was ever gonna be clean or fuckin’ pure or whatever.” 

Ah. There’s the heart of the issue. Locus got up and sat down beside Felix on his bunk. 

“Don’t pity me. I’m not doing that. I’m just pissed. If I’m gonna be ruined I’m gonna just fucking… fucking own it. It’s mine.” Felix pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “God fuck I don’t have time for this. I need to remember some shit about some event in history and all I can think about is fucking… _this_. Like this needs my attention. I have three days until I have to bullshit an essay for History and I can’t even fucking remember what we studied this year.”

Locus gently reached out and brushed his fingers over Felix’s hair, he didn’t remember who Ross was. He hadn’t bothered. Now he hated him, so it was probably good he didn’t remember. It would be so easy to slip into his old self, if it was for Felix. Felix meant too much to him now, seeing him hurt was painful. Not being able to do anything hurt more. He couldn’t change Felix’s past, he couldn’t protect Felix from being reminded of it. All he could do was be there when it happened.

Felix slowly relaxed and leaned into Locus’ touch. “He doesn’t matter. I don’t need him. I think I can make it through most things if I have you.”

Locus wasn’t sure what to say to that, and Felix went suddenly very red and covered his face. “Oh my god don’t look at me. Fuck off. I don’t have feelings. Ugh.” Felix curled up and kicked Locus lightly. 

Locus smiled and got up, pulling the blankets over Felix in a pile. He was just going to make sure Felix always had him, then. Simple as that.


	15. First Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Locus passes his exams, Felix contemplates the future

The end of finals was celebrated with basically the lamest party Felix had ever seen. But since they were all stuck at the school with adult supervision it was probably the best things were going to get. It felt weird to mingle and shout and dance and whatever sober, but that was life at Charon. Significantly more sober than the real world.

Which was just a crying shame because Locus absolutely had the kind of abs he would be happy to do body shots off of. 

If Locus somehow morphed into the sort of person who would let someone do body shots off of him. Felix had only barely convinced Locus to come to the party, and still he had left early. He was worn out though. He actually cared if he got a good grade, what with his actual hope of a future and all.

The last time someone had asked Felix where he’d seen himself in ten years he’d answered ‘Ideally rich and still sexy and hosting orgies, but more likely dead in an alley due to shady dealings and bringing a knife to a gunfight.’ The teacher hadn’t been particularly impressed with that answer. In all likelihood 14 year-olds probably weren’t supposed to have aspirations to participate in orgies. 14 year-olds probably weren’t supposed to know what the word orgies meant. 

The truth was Felix had absolutely no idea what he was going to do after high school ended. The idea that he could go to college was almost cute, he really didn’t see it happening. He didn’t like school enough to prolong the experience when he didn’t even know what he would do.

The chances he was just plain going to end up in prison was likely. Maybe he’d join the military? There he could actually put ‘I know how to violence’ to use.

Kaylee was hovering at the edges of the party, so he wandered over to her.

“You survived.” She said dryly.

“So far at least.” Felix shrugged with a grin. “You look like you’re having a great time.”

“Absolutely, until you showed up absolutely no one was talking to me and I was able to watch everyone and feel superior. It was great.”

“Go dance with Abbey. It’d make her happy.”

Kaylee opened her mouth to protest and Felix held up a hand. “We’re teenagers. Stupid and messy is our job. Have some fun before it all falls apart.”

“That how you’re dealing with the Locus thing?”

“Absolutely. Just hold my breath and appreciate every good day until I don’t got any left. Go dance with Abbey. Messy’s pretty much guaranteed no matter what you do at this point.”

Kaylee sighed and looked torn for a moment then adjusted her skirt. “Fine. But when this falls apart you’re going to have to deal with it too.”

“Magic of friendship and all that shit, go be a human for a little while.”

Kaylee sighed and left the wall slowly to go find Abbey. 

That’s when Zachary found him. Zachary was honestly kind of sweet. He was a little black book friend, and not a member of the loner-net. He could be a shithead, but in that… ‘actual human being’ kind of way. He liked people, he just only liked certain people enough to be nice to them.

He seemed to like Felix well enough, though. He jogged up with a grin and a wave. “Have you ever seen a party this dead?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a party this sober to be honest. Is this what they’re supposed to be like?” Felix laughed and shrugged. Most of the kids seemed to be having a good enough time dancing awkwardly to the music while teachers looked on for things too inappropriate. 

“My junior high used to have parties with like smoke machines and light-shows. No booze though, friend got busted trying to sneak some in and got suspended for a week.” 

“Ouch. Bet the smoke machines made grinding on the dance floor a little easier.” 

“Oh yeah, there was so much preteen grinding. I don’t even know if half of us knew how to find our dicks most of the time.”

“Really?” Felix batted his lashes and let his voice go playfully breathy. “You managed to lose something so… _large_?”

“Asshole.” Zachary laughed and shoved Felix lightly. “Wanna get outta here?”

Felix considered it. With Locus gone there was really no reason to stay at the party anymore. “Sure, why the fuck not?”

\---

Felix sighed as he returned to his room to find the lights off, it wasn’t like it was a surprise Locus had passed out. Locus had spent somewhere around 6 hours asleep the past week. Felix legitimately hoped the grades he got back were good. If anyone deserved to pass it was Locus, he’d put more effort into his studies than anyone Felix had ever known. 

Locus had a future.

Maybe Felix could be his trophy husband or something?

The idea made him smile as he changed to go to sleep. Until he realised that would mean getting married to Locus. Commitment and forevers and fucking romantic shit.

Felix didn’t really have a frame of reference for what marriage was supposed to be like. His mother had never married, and even if she had his mother was actually a Harpy disguised as a human being so any marriage she entered into would probably be fucked up.

Maybe that was why he’d never been even a little in love before? He’d never received it, he never learned how. Was that shit you were supposed to learn as a baby? Like language skills and shit, where if you didn’t learn it as a kid the development of things got stunted. 

It was a depressing thought and he curled up in his blankets feeling a little miserable as he considered it. 

If he could fall in love it would probably be with someone like Locus. No. Just Locus. People who were like Locus still wouldn’t _be_ Locus. Walking through life with him was what mattered. Locus was maybe the only person Felix would be able to fall in love with. At least the only one he could imagine. He’d read love described in books, he thought it was a little like what he felt for Locus. Maybe not the deep unending pool of romance, but… something love-like. Friend love? He didn’t know. But the idea of losing him was starting to creep up the list of ‘worst nightmares’.

Maybe he could be the kind of person Locus wanted to keep. Maybe at least he could fake it? He didn’t know. He was tired and burnt out and he didn’t know how to have emotions. They were far more complicated than they had any right to be.

\---

It turned out Locus did pass his exams. Flying colours would probably be the appropriate words to describe Locus’ grades. High 90s all around. Felix did not do nearly as well, but he did manage to _pass_ his classes. Felix was extremely good at tests. His class work grades were abysmal, but his exams always pulled him back up into comfortably mediocre. He just couldn’t bring himself to give enough of a fuck about school work to put more effort into it.

He crawled into Locus’ lap as he set down the report card and grinned. “I guess being a nerd payed off.”

Locus smiled and kissed him lightly. “You’d get better grades if you tried.”

“I don’t really need better grades.” Felix grinned and nipped lightly at Locus’ lower lip, enjoying the slight blush it earned him. 

“What do you need, then?” Locus’ was always a joy to listen to. Felix kissed him again, slow and deep and heated.

“Well I _want_ to give you a celebratory blow job, if you’re game for that?” Felix nipped lightly at Locus’ neck as he gave him a chance to decide.

“If… you want to?” Locus sounded a little uncertain, so Felix leaned back to look at his face.

“I want to. Do you? Want me to. Honestly?”

Locus hesitated, then nodded. Felix had noticed Locus had trouble just asking for things. He could be blunt and straightforward in a lot of situations, but he wasn’t very good at selfish.

“You know you always, at all times, have the ability to call stop. _Always_.” Felix made sure to make it a point as he slid to the floor between Locus’ knees.

“I know.” Locus’ smile was a little tender, a little sweet, and it made Felix blush a little despite himself.

“Also. My rule with blow jobs; if you’re gonna cum, let me know. I don’t mind swallowing but accidently breathing jizz is basically the worst.”

\---

The start of second semester fell as easily into pattern as the start of first semester had. Save for the fact that some nights Felix fell asleep in Locus’ bed. It was impractical, really, the beds were hardly large enough for them to literally sleep with each other. But somehow they still managed to just… fall asleep.

Felix still managed to be an insufferable morning person, and Locus continued to set his alarm early enough that he had time to actually wake up for classes. The classes themselves were, as always, dull but necessary and Locus took them very seriously. Even the ones where Felix sat beside him and whispered a running commentary of their current lesson. He actually managed to get Felix to do class work in some of those, if only by the process of being too boring to hold his interest.

Days blended together and as stress died down and normalcy returned Felix began to wander less. Even if it was just because everyone was busy with the start of classes, it was so much more comfortable to have Felix in the room with him. 

Even when he was being annoying.

“I’m starting to regret home economics.” Felix lay half off of his bed, and upside down. “I thought it was just cooking and shit. And that is a life skill worth having.”

“And what is it really?”

“Well it’s cooking. But also sewing. And then there’s fucking _family studies_. Why would you mix family studies in that? I just want to learn how to not kill myself in the kitchen.” Felix groaned and rolled on his bed. 

“I’m surprised you’re taking something about food.” Locus pointed out, not sarcastically. He was honestly surprised. He took it as a good sign that Felix really was improving.

“I never… _intended_ not to eat. It just. Man, whatever. The point is like I can get why knowing how to sew can be useful. I’m not going to use it but I get it. But why would you put _family studies_ in with that? Can I check off ‘don’t got one don’t need one’ and just skip that part?”

“Isn’t that mostly about household management? Budgeting and… adult world necessities.” Locus asked, hoping that would be the case, otherwise Felix was going to be very stressed during that part of the class.

“Ugh. That would make sense. If it’s that then I can probably figure it out. If they make us learn about kids though I’m fucking skipping. I’ll just write ‘not breeding’ on the test or something.” Felix huffed a sigh and sat up. “What electives are you taking?”

“First Aid, Psychology and Spanish.” Locus answered with a shrug. “Why?”

“Curious. You wanna learn Spanish?” 

“I know a lot already. I’m taking the grade 12 level. I just want to get it right.” Locus shrugged again at Felix’s curious look. “One of the families I stayed with the longest was bilingual. I picked up a lot just from living with them, but I think I need a refresh. I haven’t lived with them for years and I’m out of practice.”

“Yeah? I can see that. I wonder if it’s worth it to get a check on Mandarin. Like is it worth it to keep it fresh once I get to stop having anything to do with my mother?” Felix cracked his back and sighed.

“Mandarin is probably a very useful language to know. A lot of people do business with China.” Locus offered, “you could put it to use in business or travel?”

Felix considered that, then sighed. “Yeah but I have no idea what level I’d have to do that… and honestly can you see me as a businessman? Like literally is this the face of a man you want to put your stocks in?” Felix gestured. Locus didn’t think there was anything wrong with Felix’s face, though perhaps the scar over his eye would be tricky to sell in a professional setting. Locus liked the way it shifted with Felix’s expressions, but most people were not going to be looking at Felix like Locus was. 

“There are other options. Translation or--”

“I don’t know how to read it though.” Felix sighed dramatically and collapsed back onto his bed. “My mother only speaks it in the house and that bitch sure as fuck didn’t teach me to read. She did send me to preschool not knowing how to communicate with anyone. That was fucking great.”

“That is an imbalance…” Locus admitted, every reminder of Felix’s mother made him a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t fair to say that, though. Felix had been raised by that woman. If anyone had the right to be unsettled by her it was Felix. But she made a cold, dark rage grow inside him and it frightened him how intense it could be.

“Yeah it fucking is. I’m basically useless unless you want me to yell at someone for you. I know _all_ the insults.” Felix laughed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’d have to take a fucking beginner level course and I don’t think I could deal with the comments. Or assumptions. Or looks. Any of that.”

“That’s fair.” Locus nodded. “Knowing how to speak two languages is still generally viewed as useful by employers?”

“Man.” Felix groaned. “What job am I supposed to even look for? My main skills aren’t exactly useful in legal circles. I mean maybe mixed martial arts or something but I don’t know anything fancy or from classes. Maybe they’ll legalise prostitution?”

“You have more than those two skills, Felix.” Locus sighed and shook his head. 

“Name one.”

“You’re extremely observant and excellent at reading people.” Locus pointed out, “You’re good at winning people over and socialising. Even if you don’t like the person.”

“So what, I can hope to be a con artist? Or a car salesman?” Felix shook his head. 

“Felix you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. If you actually put effort into your classes maybe you could find something you want to do out of high school.”

Felix made a face and propped himself up on a pillow. “What are you gonna be out of high school? Doctor? Shrink? Business tycoon?”

“I haven’t figured it all out yet.” Locus admitted with a sigh. “I want to keep my options open until I do. If I get good enough grades I might get scholarships to go to college. When I figure it out, that’s going to be necessary.”

“Oh, yeah. College. I’ve never really planned on doing that, I guess that’s a shitload of money there.” 

“A shitload is probably an accurate term, yes.” 

“Maybe I’ll cook you shit when you get all rich. You can pay me to look good in an apron and make…” He trailed off and dug to find his Home Ec book. “Some chicken thing. Or whatever. And I will know how to sew. I’ll be the perfect wife.”

He was speaking sarcastically but it still made Locus’ heart race. The idea of having a future with Felix. Talking like this meant he wasn’t temporary to Felix, right? There was something, maybe, after high school. Beyond this school Felix would still want him.

“I’m not raising any fucking kids though. You can get another wife for that shit.”

“I’m pretty sure bigamy is illegal.”

“Well that’s bullshit.”


	16. First Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annoying rumours circulate and Felix gets some unwanted attention

Valentine’s day was usually either extremely busy or ignored for Felix. A lot of people felt the pressing weight of being single on Valentine’s day, and used Felix to try and soothe that ache. This year he was pretty sick of being used as anything. Even if most of the time it was fun, he was cutting the fuckable list down, it was just, getting fucked and then kicked out was getting annoying. Quick mindless sex is fun but some people could be real assholes about it.

He glared rather pointedly at the stuffed bear holding a box of chocolates on his desk, then turned to glare at Locus who shrugged.

“It was there when I got here. I would know not to buy you chocolate.”

That was true. That also meant someone had come into their room while they were gone. That was uncomfortable. 

He picked up the bear curiously and looked it over, plucking the chocolate box off of it. “Want these? I really don’t want to eat them.”

Locus considered, then shrugged and took the box from him. 

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing, though?” Felix looked it over and scowled. It was fucking weird.

“I have no idea. Abbey might have a use for it in a project or something.” Locus pulled the box of chocolates open. “Oh. There’s a card in here.” 

Felix’s frown deepened and he put the bear back on his desk and he went over to see what the card said. “Our eyes see the same world, our hearts beat to the same drum, destiny ties us together, someday we will be one.”

They were both quiet for a long moment and Felix looked for a name or explanation. “Well that’s bullshit and creepy weird.”

“I… was that supposed to be creepy or were they aiming for romantic.”

“They fuckin’ missed if that was the goal. Like. Wow.” Felix crumpled the card up in his hand and tossed it in the trash. “Maybe if I ignore it it will go away.”

“Yes. That’s how stalkers usually operate. You ignore them and they go away.” Locus responded dryly as he considered whether the chocolates were safe to eat or not.

“It’s not a stalker, it’s some asshole being shit at poetry. Now I’m going to take a nap before I have to think about Creative Writing homework.” Felix kicked off his pants and collapsed into his bed.

\---

Weeks passed with no word from whoever Felix had dubbed “Creeper Bear” and he was mostly forgotten save for the bear itself which ended up on the dresser. Locus had wondered why he kept it, Felix had admitted that, while creepy, it was still his second ever present. Which had made Locus’ heart hurt a little. 

Classes this semester were easier, most of them were electives and they had all chosen to take them. Felix even brought his successes from Home Economics back to the dorm to share. It felt painfully close to domestic. And the more Locus thought of it that way the more it became painful. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about a future with Felix. Something past school. Even if they stayed friends, Locus wanted desperately for Felix to stay by his side.

“Fuck, _Zachary_! Learn how to knock you freak of nature!” Felix shouted and hurled a pillow at the door. A very startled Zachary retreated, closing the door with a bang and a muffled apology.

Felix was straddling Locus’ hips, and had previously been doing a very good job of kissing Locus senseless before they’d been barged in on. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” Felix looked at the door, then back to Locus. “Do you think I can ignore him?”

Locus raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to say ‘I would prefer it if you did’.

Zachary knocked lightly at the door and Felix sighed dramatically, letting his head hang back and his shoulders slump. “Fucking fine.”

He gave Locus a parting kiss and got up to answer the door.

“What the fuck do you want.” Felix swung open the door. He didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and his pants were undone.

“Uh. Well I was hoping to set something up with you?” Zachary asked tentatively, he seemed more flustered by walking in on them than the view. It was likely that he had seen it before. 

“Seriously. Right now.” Felix held out his hands as if it would demonstrate that he was busy.

“Okay. No. Maybe Friday? Are you free? We also have a creative writing project, but…” Zachary trailed off.

“Okay Friday. That works. We’ll figure the rest out later. Like in the Creative Writing class that we share and you can fucking talk to me at.” Felix pushed Zachary back with his foot and slammed the door shut on him.

“We should probably figure out a way to lock that.”

Felix laughed and crawled back into Locus’ lap. “What you don’t like the idea of being caught in the act?”

Locus cupped Felix’s face and kissed him deeply. “I like the time we spend together to be uninterrupted.”

“Ooo possessive. That’s kinda hot.” Felix grinned and rolled his hips and Locus quickly forgot Zachary even existed.

\---

Felix sat in his boxers on Zachary’s bed on Friday night and yawned as he stared at the writing assignment. “Man maybe we should’ve fucked after we worked on this. I am so ready to take a nap.”

Zachary laughed, “If we did that we’d just be distracted the whole time.”

“You would be. I have excellent control over my boner. I have been known to contemplate many things while also planning on giving someone head.” Felix grinned and rolled up the paper to smack Zachary lightly on the arm. “So. Project. Writing. Not about giving head, I think Ms Schwarz would be very scandalised by a short story about giving head.”

“If we made it poetic enough she might not notice. Use some over the top metaphors and flowery language.” 

“Ugh gross. Poetry. Let’s just write about a murder or something. We’re teenage boys, violence is the other thing we’re supposed to constantly be thinking about, right?” 

“A murder most foul.” Zachary grinned and Felix hit him again. “Stop that. You are the worst partner ever.”

“Uh, no. I’m the _best_ partner ever. You would totally not find another partner who would start a homework session by bouncing on your dick.” Felix rolled his eyes and found his notebook and pencils. 

“And you’re very good at that, I’m very grateful. No one bounces on my dick quite like you, Felix.” Zachary shook his head as he found his own supplies.

“So, should we go for shock value? Grisly gore and violence?” Felix tapped his pencil against the page thoughtfully.

“So are you and your roommate an item?” Zachary asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“What? How fucking shit are you at focus.” Felix slapped his arm again. “And no, not an item. Why?”

“I dunno. It would just be… weird. You bouncing on my dick and all.” Zachary rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to be the weird affair or something.”

“You’re. I’m not having an affair on Locus. We’re not dating. We just live together and therefore get to make out more.” Felix rolled his eyes. “As you walked in on a few days ago.”

“Good.” Zachary nodded, then waved his hands. “I mean like. Because it would be weird. I don’t want to be your dirty mistress or something.”

“You’re so fucking weird.”

\---

“I keep fucking…” Felix let out a growl of frustration as he dug through his pile of clean laundry. One day he would put things away in a timely and orderly fashion. “I swear I’m losing shit in the laundry. I had more socks than this. And underwear. Fuck.”

“Maybe if you organised your laundry you wouldn’t lose it.” Locus suggested in an utterly unhelpful manner. Felix flipped him off and continued to sort through uniforms and sweats before finally finding a pair of boxers to put on.

“How fucking hard is it to keep track of laundry. Put it in one machine, then the other machine, then in a basket. There isn’t a step where shit should fucking disappear.” Felix grumbled and started putting the rest of his uniform on. “Like, I need this shit. It’s not like anyone’s gonna send me more if they all disappear into the dryer.”

“You didn’t even bring any with you to school in the first place. Maybe you can get someone to take you into the city over the weekend?” Locus was organising his books for the day, he liked to set them up so he could stop by between classes and only carry what he needed. Felix just alternated mornings and afternoons.

“Ugh. That’s a conversation I want to go have in the office ‘excuse me miss but I lost my boxers can you take me to buy some more.’” Felix grumbled and pushed things into his bag. “Fuck it I’ll just be more careful.” Felix rolled his eyes and pulled Locus down for a kiss before they headed off to classes.

\---

“Y’know there’s a kid in one of my classes that’s been tellin’ people you give head for 10 bucks.” Abbey pointed her fork at Felix.

“Bullshit. I would charge way more than that. Someone has no idea of the market value of my tongue.” Felix made a face. That had explained the guy who’d tried to get him into the bathroom with a $20 bill. “This kid got a name? I need to correct his numbers.”

“Ross I think. Mopey dude. I think he’s tryin’ to make friends but he kinda sucks at it.”

“Ah. Damn I thought he’d just go away. I definitely told him I wasn’t cheap though, so he’s just being an asshole on purpose now.”

“Didn’t you punch him in the stomach?” Locus asked, casually as if punching someone in the stomach was a daily occurrence. Which, in all fairness, it had been for a little while there.

“Well he was talking shit. And we all know what happens when you do that.” Felix rolled his eyes and turned again to his soup. His old nemesis. They had figured Felix could try moving on to actual food now, though probably not a lot of solids. Which meant soup.

This one was not bright orange, at least.

“Considering how much shit you talk, you should probably be getting hit far more often.” Anthony drawled before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“He did, remember his poor broken ribs?” Kaylee pointed her fork at him. “He spent a lot of time getting hit before Christmas.

“They were _cracked_.” Felix rolled his eyes. “Either way that’s not the point. The point is I need to beat the shit out of Ross.”

“Or you could ignore him. He probably wants your attention.” Locus muttered, he always got uncomfortable when violence was placed on the table.

“I _could_. It would be _so much_ more satisfying to punch him though.” Felix whined before finally giving in and trying the soup. It was not awful, but still weird. 

“Even if it’s what he’s aimin’ for? Like he’s bein’ real obvious about the rumour spreadin’. I think the only reason anyone believes him is ‘cause you used t’ hang out with him sometimes.” Abbey made a face. 

“Ugh. Fine. I’ll ignore him and hope he goes away. Or someone else kicks his teeth in for me.” Felix heaved a heavy sigh and looked at Locus who did actually seem happy and shoved him a little. “Stop it. I am still a violent asshole. I’m just not giving him what he wants. You don’t win.”

“I win a little.”

“No you don’t.”

\---

“I swear to _god_ if this is not important I’m kicking your ass.” Felix hissed as he stalked towards the door to yank it open. He had no idea who the kid was who stood there. He looked nervous, but Felix figured he should be, because he had really liked the little gasping noises Locus had been making a few seconds earlier. Before they had been interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Uh. Wait. You’re Felix, right?” The annoying little shit asked, looking Felix over. Felix didn’t give a fuck he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had, infact, been enjoying the act of not having a shirt on.

“Yes. I am. What do you _want_?” Felix snapped.

“I was told you… _you know_. For like… like I have 50 bucks if--” 

Felix slammed the door in his face and shouted with rage. “That. You.” He pointed at Locus. “Just ignore him, you said. You _said_ that. And now this.”

Locus winced, he looked genuinely uncomfortable. 

“And seriously. Did he. He seriously thought I was worth _50 bucks_. I am so much better than 50 bucks. I am at _least_ 200\. This is bullshit. Next time I see that pisshead Ross I’m killing him. Just so you know. When I’m arrested. He deserved it. Testify to that.”

“It is… going a lot farther than I thought it would.” Locus admitted weakly. 

Felix threw a pillow at him.

\---

Felix did not, in fact, get a chance to commit homicide. He’d forgotten about the part where spring break happened and Ross left to go spend time with his family.

So Ross got to live another week. More students seemed to stay for spring break than for Christmas holidays. Likely because there wasn’t a big important family holiday in the middle of it. Unless there was Easter? Felix had never been able to keep track of Easter. Holidays that moved were just annoying in principle.

There was probably Easter, because Felix found a stuffed rabbit tucked into his blankets a few days into break. He wasn’t sure if someone had recently left it, or he paid so little attention to his bedding that he’d just slept on it a few times.

“I think Creeper Bear has a cousin.” Felix groaned as he looked the rabbit over. “Why is it blue?”

“Something to do with the Easter Bunny?” Locus raised an eyebrow and looked over at the stuffed animal.

“...That’s just plain fucking stupid.” Felix began pulling apart his blanket nest to see if there was something else lost in it. He found another slightly wrinkled card. “Oh goddammit.” He seriously considered just throwing it in the garbage. He didn’t need creepy bad poetry in his life.

“It seems whoever it is has learned not to give you chocolates anymore.” Locus pointed out.

“That’s even creepier! He knows I didn’t eat his shitty Valentine’s garbage somehow.” Felix groaned and opened the card. “I ache to touch you, long to hold you, your beauty holds -- okay no seriously this is fucking stupid.” Felix threw the card on the floor and shook out his blankets again for good measure.

“Your beauty holds me captive, I can think of nothing but your smile, you haunt my dreams and ease my nightmares, one day you’ll see me too?” Locus finished reading. “Well. Whoever it is hasn’t improved their writing?”

“No the have not. Throw that away, throw it all… Ugh.” Felix grabbed the bear off the dresser and the bunny from Locus’ hand and threw them both in the trash. “This is all bullshit. Maybe I should tear their heads off and leave them as a warning for future attempts.”

“Where would you put them so he’d get the message.” 

“The entrance way maybe? Everyone goes through there?” 

“Teachers would take them down immediately.”

“Fine fuck it they’re just going in the trash and. I’m washing my bedding. I don’t care this is too weird.”

Locus couldn’t argue that so he helped gather all the blankets and sheets for the laundry.


	17. First History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix gets drunk, some feelings get discussed

“What the fuck do you mean--”

“I mean no, with a side of go fuck yourself.” Felix scowled at Desmond who was starting to turn red.

“But you’ve never--”

“You treat me like your Fleshlight. If you want a toy get one. I’m just sick of it.” Felix was considering throwing his roll at Desmond to make the point. But it was warm and smelled pretty good so he wanted to try eating it.

“Oh what. Is this because you’re fucking charging people now--” 

“ _Des_!” Abbey shrieked with indignation at the same time as Kaylee rose from her seat and slapped him across the face. All in one very excellent fluid motion.

“You fucking know better Desmond. What the fuck is your problem?” Kaylee glared pointedly, Desmond was about half a foot taller than her but she held all the power.

“I.” Desmond stared, then glanced between her and Felix for a tense moment. Felix was honestly too shocked by people rising to his defense to say anything. “Fuck I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “I’m stressed out, I shouldn’t have…”

“That’s the problem. That’s what you do. You’re stressed, you’re tired, you’re bored… it was fun for a while but you’ve been _such a prick_ lately.” Felix pointed out finally as he tore his roll in half. “If you wanna fuck, treat me like a person, not some fucking sex doll.”

Kaylee crossed her arms and continued staring at Desmond as if she could destroy him through sheer force of will alone. Felix wasn’t entirely sure she couldn’t, given how Desmond was inching away from her.

“You’re right.” He admitted finally, slumping in defeat. “I can’t even argue with any of that and I’m sorry.”

“I’m still not fucking you today. This doesn’t make it even.” Felix considered the roll for a long moment before taking a bite, pointedly not looking at Desmond anymore.

“Yeah… yeah.” Desmond rubbed his face, there was a good chance it would bruise, Kaylee had a hell of an arm. “I’m leaving. Sorry.” He hesitated a second then sulked off.

Locus slowly let his hands relax from the tight fists they’d formed under the table.

“Okay, bread’s on the list of not awful foods. This is actually pretty great.” Felix derailed the subject as he took another bite. That was enough melodrama for one day.

\---

It wasn’t that anything had fundamentally changed in Felix. He still liked rough sex, he was just starting to prefer it with people who bothered to remember he existed after they were done. Maybe part of it was Locus. He treated Felix like he was worth something. Like he was valuable or important… it was a nice feeling. He was starting to get used to it. So he just decided to cut people off who treated him like some sort of convenient sex toy. He’d been surprised to find how many people he’d let get away with that.

Most of them were not pleased, and with the rumour still circulating that he’d trade sexual favours for money he found himself offered some token reward from a few. He thought maybe he wouldn’t mind it if the rewards weren’t basically pitiful. The fact that they thought he was worth so little just made him drop them faster. He didn’t need that bullshit in his life.

He didn’t need a lot of bullshit in his life. Locus was slowly filling holes that Felix used to hide with cheap distractions and nasty sex. 

He still did very much like nasty sex, though. So he was glad he had a few people who could rough him up in bed and still treat him like a person after. Zachary was proving to be very good at that. There was an ‘in the streets, in the sheets’ comparison for Zachary somewhere but Felix didn’t feel cliche enough to make it up. Zachary could push all the right buttons in bed and still look Felix in the eye the next day and hold a fucking conversation. More people needed to be like that.

“My brother managed to smuggle me in a bottle of… weird fruity vodka. Wanna sit on the roof and get wasted?” Zachary was excellent for all the parts of Felix’s life he was pretty sure would make Locus uncomfortable.

It was like a little vacation to be a piece of shit, so he could go back and convince Locus he was worth keeping around. It was underhanded and he felt bad about it, but he was too desperate to keep Locus. And that involved hiding the twisted ugly mess that Felix was inside.

“Fuck yeah. Weird fruity vodka is my favourite of the ‘cheap shit we stole from the back of the liquor cabinet.’” Felix grinned and let Zachary lead the way to the broken door they could use to get up on the roof. It was absolutely against school rules but there was something fun about it. Possibly _because_ it was against school rules.

“It’s significantly better than ‘I think we were supposed to throw this Bailey’s out a year ago’.” Zachary agreed with a laugh.

The sun was starting to set and if he’d been climbing up there with Locus he probably would have considered the brightly coloured sky something like romantic. 

“Ugh I haven’t been drunk since Christmas. Getting liquor in here is such a pain.” Felix stretched then found somewhere to sit where he could still watch the sky shift to night.

“Seriously. This school designed to rid children of delinquency is so fucking strict about all this delinquency.” Zachary laughed and sat down beside him, handing over the bottle. It was raspberry flavoured and probably supposed to be in mixed drinks, but there was no time for mixing when one was underage drinking in boarding school.

“ _Such_ a drag. There is so much crime I could have committed this year if only it hadn’t been for this really depressing staff of assholes.” Felix sighed happily as the vodka burned in his stomach. 

“Well someone wants people to think you’re still doing a few crimes.” Zachary pointed out as he took the bottle back.

“Ugh is this that stupid prostitution rumour? I know who started it and that little coward went fucking home for the break.” Felix grumbled, wrinkling his nose.

“It is getting around. I guess we just don’t have a lot to talk about here. This is why they should give us access to social media. Shitty rumours would be _far_ less entertaining to people, then. You also kicked the shit outta the Watts though. So, you know, assault.” Zachary pointed out as he took his own drink.

“Eh, people thinking I’m guilty of assault--”

“Which you are.”

“Yes thank you very useful, point is, that one has a benefit. People thinking I’ll do shit for pocket change is getting to be a pain in the ass. I can’t tell how many believe it for real or were just fucking with me.”

“Why do I get the feeling it’s the pocket change thing that bugs you the most?”

“Because it’s fucking _bullshit_. I’ve sucked your cock, you know I’m worth more than 10 bucks.” Felix took another drink from the bottle when Zachary handed it over.

“True enough. I’m not sure the going rate for blow jobs these days, but yours are pretty high quality.” Zachary snorted and lay back on the roof.

“See. You get it. I’m not getting on my knees for anything under 50.”

“I might, but I’m a cheap slut.” Zachary laughed when Felix kicked him.

“Asshole.” Felix shook his head, but grinned. “I probably would if someone gave me an actual good price though.”

“Yeah, totally. Where the fuck else am I gonna make 50 bucks in five minutes?” Zachary laughed harder. “‘Cause you know they wouldn’t be payin’ if they had any staying power.”

“God seriously. I could use some fucking clothes this summer.”

“And a present for your _boyfriend_.” 

“Oh fuck off I told you already--”

“You’d still buy him something. You two are all sappy like that.” Zachary pointed as he took the bottle back. 

“Eh… probably. He got me a Christmas present and I didn’t have shit to give him.” Felix made a face. He still felt guilty about that.

“See. You would totally suck a cock to buy him something nice.” 

“I would suck a cock for a lot of things, that doesn’t prove much.”

\---

Felix was hungover and Locus couldn’t really say he was impressed. He’d stumbled into the room at something like two in the morning, threw up, and went to bed. Now he was whining into a pillow and bunching blankets around himself. 

“I have absolutely no sympathy for you.”

“You’re the worst friend.”

Locus rolled his eyes and wet a cloth and handed it to Felix to cool his head a little. “I don’t know why you do this to yourself.”

“I haven’t been hungover like this in years. There was too much sugar in it.” Felix whined softly but pressed the cloth to his face with a little sigh.

“You’re _fifteen_. How long have you been drinking?” Locus wrinkled his nose and sat down in his desk chair.

“I dunno…” Felix mumbled miserably. “How old are you in the fifth grade?”

“ _Felix._ ” Locus wasn’t sure which would be worse, if he was joking or if he was being serious.

“You don’t know my life.” Felix pulled a blanket over his head. 

Locus clenched his jaw and shook his head. For most of his life people had made cracks about him becoming an alcoholic. He didn’t know his parents, had never met his parents, and still someone would be sure they were drunks. He wanted as little to do with alcohol as possible.

Christmas had been… it had been _special_ , and he wasn’t going to repeat the experience. 

“Just fuck off if you’re gonna judge, my head hurts too much to defend myself.”

“You need to shape up, Felix. This is pathetic.”

“Go _away_.” Felix’s voice cracked, and Locus wanted to take pity on him for a second before he sighed and left the room.

There were so many things about Felix that just didn’t make sense. Felix was amused by gaining weight, so Locus couldn’t figure out why he had refused to eat in the first place. Locus had been in families that lived paycheck to paycheck, lived off food stamps, and in general had to struggle to get enough food to feed everyone in the house. He’d gone to bed hungry and didn’t know why someone would do that on purpose. He understood the idea of anorexia nervosa but Felix didn’t have the same symptoms as what he’d read about. He was so _casual_ with violence, but hated to be hurt. No one who set up a system of people as an early warning of attack _wanted_ to get hurt that much. But still Felix seemed to look at problems as ‘things I can punch myself out of’ or ‘things I can talk myself out of.’ 

It was like Felix was looking for something to destroy him, and Locus didn’t know how to protect him from himself. What do you do for someone who refused to care? It was like Felix had already given up on himself and Locus didn’t know what he could do to help with that. But he cared too much to just let Felix fall apart.

At least he was eating now. He viewed himself with some kind of worth. Locus didn’t know how to do any more than keep trying to convince him to give a fuck.

\---

Felix felt worse after Locus left. If there were tears in his eyes they were probably just a result of being sick. 

_This is pathetic._

He’d pissed Locus off, annoyed him, made him furious, or exasperated. Now he’d finally disgusted him. 

It was about time, really. Felix was a disgusting person after all. He didn’t know how to help that. 

Eventually he got up and pulled on the hoodie Locus had bought him and sighed. It was too warm for it, technically, but it was comfortable in different ways. Locus had cared about him when he’d bought him it. 

He wished he was someone worth caring about.

\---

He’d expected Locus to still be mad at him when he’d finally returned to their room, but he’d just handed him an orange juice and shook his head. Somehow that felt awful too. Why did he just forgive like that? Felix had been a mess, but Locus had just come in, seen Felix curled up in his hoodie and sighed. 

“Why are you so… not mad?” Felix sat up and took the juice, chewing his thumbnail nervously.

“Alcohol is… to me it’s a little like why you don’t want to take Mandarin classes.” Locus said, he was speaking very deliberately. Felix felt himself go red as he realised what Locus was talking about. “It’s one of the ugly things people whisper about me, and something I don’t want to be. I don’t understand why you use it like this. Especially at our age. You treat it like it’s nothing, but it _isn’t_. That bothers me, but it worries me too.”

Felix shifted in the blankets and sipped his orange juice. He wondered if this is what it was like to be a child scolded by a parent? Locus was absolutely right to be upset. He had multiple reasons to be upset, and Felix couldn’t argue with any of them.

“Why are you doing this? Do you even know?”

Felix sighed and chewed his nail until he could come up with an answer. “My mother is an alcoholic. I’m not blaming her, really, but that was something I got used to seeing. Day drinking, passing out in the kitchen… to be honest I used to take advantage of it ‘cause if she was passed out she wasn’t like… _there_.” Felix felt sick, his fingers felt cold and he didn’t want to talk about this anymore but Locus deserved answers and Felix didn’t want to disappoint him again. “It was there. Um… fuck. Do other people ever lock the fridge? Like is that a thing? I could never figure out if that was a thing or not…”

Locus looked like it was taking a moment to process that, so Felix gave it to him. At least he wasn’t looking at him like he was pathetic anymore. That was a step up. Maybe they could work with this. Locus had met his mother already, and he hadn’t left. Maybe a little information was okay… a little bit of honesty.

“No.” Locus shook his head. “Most people do not have locks on their fridge. I wasn’t aware they locked.”

“Uh. She might’ve put the lock on there. She’s very… I don’t know, you met her.” Felix shrugged and shook his head. “She just does shit like that. There wasn’t food anywhere, but she’d pass out and there’d be a bottle of wine or whatever, right? And then I’d just feel floaty and everything hurt less and I forgot I was hungry and it was okay. I don’t… I don’t fucking need it anymore. I guess. It just. Feels good. Sometimes.”

Locus came to sit beside him and Felix leaned against him. Felix felt numb and shaky all over and it wasn’t the hangover any more. 

“S-so.” His voice cracked and he took a second to get a grip. “So what’s your fucked up childhood story?” He tried a laugh but it felt a little like a sob so he stopped. 

Locus sighed and wrapped an arm around Felix. He wasn’t sure if Locus was going to answer or not but he felt a little bit okay in Locus’ arms so that was okay.

“When I was about 11. The year I turned 11 so I was 10 for a while as well, the home that I lived in was.” Locus stopped to grapple with the right way to explain it. “A lot of the homes I lived in were very nice. There were people who tried very hard, and people who weren’t equipped to handle anything… But the story is always about the bad ones. That year I got moved to one of those. The sort of people who spent the money they got to take care of children on themselves. I don’t think they were foster parents very long, I hope not, but. The husband, Frank I think? He’d hit us if we… anything. He didn’t want to see us. There were a couple children living there with me at the time. He didn’t leave marks, he knew to hit and not leave marks, so that meant he knew hitting us was wrong and did it anyway. Sometimes I was an idiot and fought back. I was very, very angry when I was young. I don’t remember the exact incident but he’s the one who put a cigar out on my arm.”

Felix nodded and stroked Locus’ arm lightly. It was hard to imagine a tiny Locus picking fights but there was that darkness in there somewhere. 

“We got sick a lot there. They gave us bad food and the basement was damp and cold and that’s where we slept. I don’t really remember it but I know it happened, I got a fever there. For a few days I had the kind of fever most people go to the hospital for. So they couldn’t send me to school, because then the school would know that something was wrong, and they wouldn’t go to the hospital because they didn’t have time, or insurance, or both. So they just locked the door to the basement and pretended I wasn’t there. The fever ended up breaking on its own, but… I think I almost died then. I think I was very close.”

Felix sighed and curled up closer to Locus, trying to comfort and find comfort at the same time. “I’m glad you didn’t die.” 

Locus snorted and looked down at Felix, almost amused. 

“I just. Think my life is a lot better with you in it.” Felix licked his lips and looked away. “I’m glad you didn’t die. And I got to meet you. So I guess… yeah I don’t know.”

Locus smiled and shifted how they were sitting so he could kiss Felix so very gently. It was true though. Felix’s life would always be better because of Locus. The idea that he was going to leave one day made Felix so very, very afraid. Nothing his mother could do would ever compare to how much it would hurt to let Locus go.


	18. First Payment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix makes a huge mistake

Felix hated that summer break was creeping ever closer. Everyone was talking excitedly about plans and fun and warmth. There was no option to stay at Charon over the summer. It wasn’t even June yet, but he still felt the itch of it coming. He wasn’t sure which was bothering him more; going back to his mother or not being able to talk to Locus for two months.

This had been the strangest year he had ever experienced. People he actually liked talking to regularly, someone to actually care about, actual Christmas. It was a little unreal. To top off the crazy cake he’d started finding notes in the pockets of his blazers. More creepy not-poems. He was starting to get really annoyed by that.

“Like what do you even do about something like this? I can’t fight this. This is bullshit.” Felix sighed throwing another fucking note on the lunch table. 

“I think most people would go to an adult.” Locus pointed out, but didn’t sound very committed to the idea. Felix snorted, the adults at Charon were pretty hit or miss on whether they were creeps themselves.

“You could start putting traps in your room.” Kaylee responded picking up the note to read it.

“What’s this one say?” Abbey leaned over to read too.

“Same old bullshit ‘my love for you consumes me, one day it will consume you too’ or whatever. He’s gotta be aiming for creepy, right? Like there’s no way anymore that this is like… someone would actually think any of this is romantic. Most of them read like threats.” Felix groaned and lay his head down on the table.

“Unless whoever it is has a really, really skewed idea of romance. They are very threatening. Plus there’s the breaking into your room to leave them.” Kaylee pointed out and slid the note back over to Felix on the table.

“It’s not really breaking in, I mean the doors don’t lock until night so anyone can go in whenever. It’s still like… invasive I guess.” Felix wrinkled his nose and then sat up to tear up the card.

“He’s not leavin’ like weird gifts anymore though?” Abbey leaned back in her chair and tried to think of something. 

“If he is they’re hidden which is weirder. But probably the creep got the message when I threw the last two out.

“You know he might think it’s romantic. There’s been a trend in books lately to have that sort of thing as romance.” Anthony pointed out.

“You think he’s goin’ full Twilight on this shit?” Abbey made a face.

“Probably more like the the stuff in 50 Shades or whatever.” Anthony paused as they all gave him an odd look. “I thought it would be funny to pick it for a book report project. It was awful though.”

“Well either way. It’s creepy. I don’t like it. And when I find out who’s doing it I’m going to punch him in the throat.” Felix grumbled.

“Well ya got a month. He’s probably not gonna follow you on summer break.” Abbey pointed out. “So that’s two months away from this shit?”

Felix made a face, but couldn’t argue with that. Locus put a hand on his leg, gentle and reassuring, not feeling him up. It made him feel a little more steady. “Well whatever I’ll kick their ass if they try anything. I think I can handle a fight with someone who spends their time writing bad poetry.”

\---

Locus had gotten his first note shortly after. “You don’t deserve him” was all that was written on it. No bad poetry for him. He’d read it, considered it, then thrown it out. There was no reason to bring it up. Felix was stressed enough. Between the notes and the constant creep towards summer Felix was a little bit of a mess.

For Felix. Which meant he was a considerable amount of a mess by anyone else’s standards. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, he’d chewed his thumbnail down to nothing and started just chewing the tip of his thumb, he jumped a little when people got too close and searched his bed every night before he went to bed. Or slept with Locus. He stuck as close to Locus as he could manage. Locus didn’t entirely mind that part. If he could see Felix he could know if he was in trouble.

Finals were creeping up on them again, though. Locus hoped the stalker got as stressed about studying as the rest of them and gave the notes a break. Neither he nor Felix needed to be worried about this when exams came up.

“How do you do a final in creative writing? Will I have to like… write a short story on the spot?” Felix scratched his head as he looked over his notebook. This semester he actually had a few notes. They were messy and smudged and had doodles in the margins but there were actual notes. 

“Probably? Like an essay for English, only a story instead?” Locus offered.

“How the fuck do you even grade writing? That’s always been fucking stupid to me.” Felix grumbled and flipped through his pages. “And how do you prepare for that? There’s no planning for that. They’re probably gonna give us a random prompt. Fuck it. I’m not even gonna bother. I can probably bullshit something in three hours.”

“You do have a remarkable skill for bullshit.”

“I know you’re saying that like an insult but it’s true so I’m going to take it as a compliment. Thank you. My bullshit skills are remarkable, aren’t they?”

Locus snorted, Felix was very pointedly ignoring the problems and focusing on jokes. It was something he was good at, but it made Locus relax a little as well.

Felix got up off the bed and walked over to kiss Locus. It was slow and deep and just a little needy. Locus reached up to cup his face in his hands and stroke his cheeks gently. 

Felix laughed a little and pulled Locus back toward their bunks. “Come to bed.” 

Locus liked that idea too much to argue.

\---

“I have $300.”

Felix had half dreaded this. The day someone actually made him an offer he might take. “Bullshit. Why would you have $300 here?”

The older teen pulled out his wallet and held out the bills for Felix to see. Shit. He did have $300. $300 was a decent sum of money. At least Felix figured it was. He’d never had $300. And he _had_ slept with assholes he didn’t care about before. That part was nothing new. Half the school already believed he was doing this anyway, that’s why he was getting this offer. He couldn’t figure out a way this could be a trap, or an outcome he couldn’t deal with. 

“You wear a condom, and I don’t get tied up.” Felix snatched the bills out of the guy’s hand. “And I get paid up front.”

“That works.”

He was a grade 12 kid going by the dorms he headed into and Felix tucked the money into his sock. He carried condoms with him everywhere, especially since people liked to pay him surprise visits to share some time. He handed one to the guy and started taking off his clothes. “Also if suddenly there’s like a video of me on the internet or something I’m absolutely telling the cops it was you.” 

“I just wanna fuck, man. I thought you were supposed to be chill.” The guy rolled his eyes and pulled off his own clothes. 

“Just laying down a rule. So what do you want?”

Turned out the guy wanted him on his hands and knees on the bed. Felix had done his best not to roll his eyes, Buddy seemed to think doggy style was kinky or something. And he fucked like a pornstar; which is to say very dramatically but ultimately disappointing. 

All in all, none of it was a serious departure from fucking one of his normal list of people. Except he got paid for it. He should probably feel bad about it, but $300 was $300, right?

He didn’t care, at least, until the end when he stood up, and felt something drip down his thighs. “You _mother fucker_.”

“Bitch, I’m paying for you. I’m taking the full experience.” 

Felix broke his nose. Felix broke his nose as hard as he could, and did his best to clean up with what the bathroom had to offer, then threw his clothes back on.

“If I catch something from you I’m taking your goddamn fucking balls off.” Felix hissed before he ran for the showers.

He fucked like a complete virgin. He probably didn’t have anything. Right? Fuck. Felix stayed in the shower stall longer than was generally considered polite in a shared space, but it was the middle of the day and Felix really didn’t give a shit right then. Fuck. This was so much bullshit. 

He had to figure out how to get to a clinic. While in this bullshit prison of a school. He needed to make sure. 

_Fuck_.

\---

He sat on one of Phyllis’ cots in sweats and the hoodie from Locus and told her the censored version of the truth where he didn’t admit to the money part. He had no idea what Phyllis would say about that, but he didn’t feel like finding out.

He didn’t feel like talking about it to anyone. He kept doing stupid shit and now it was just catching up to him. God it could have been so simple, but this stress was _not_ worth $300. At least he _did_ get to keep the $300. He should have raided the asshole’s wallet on top of breaking his nose. 

Now his fist hurt, and his stomach hurt, and he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. He never, ever wanted Locus to find out about this. God. What would Locus think of him? He felt like he might literally pass out, his heart was beating so fast. He couldn’t breathe properly. Fuck Locus would think he was disgusting. People all thought this shit was disgusting. Anyone would be disgusted with him. 

He was _so fucking stupid_. 

He was definitely spending the $300 on something for Locus. Maybe something would make up for what an utter piece Felix was. He could be _literally_ dirty now. He couldn’t stop shaking. What could he even get for Locus? Had he been this inattentive? Locus had known just what to get Felix for Christmas and now Felix couldn’t think of a single thing Locus would want. He was so practical. Felix had no idea what kind of clothes Locus wore when he wasn’t in something assigned by the school. 

Phyllis had let him spend the afternoon in the nurse’s office. She had arranged to take him to a clinic over the weekend and had been very even and both non-judgmental and non-pitying. 

Felix struggled to breathe, and to come up with _anything_ that he could do to make it up to Locus. He was never going to tell him, but Locus expected things of him. Expected the best of him. And Felix had gotten himself into this. 

He only had a month left until summer. He had one month until he wouldn’t be able to see Locus for two months. He had to do _something_. 

\---

Locus had no idea what it was, but something was wrong with Felix. He suspected it had something to do with the stalker but he couldn’t be sure. He was sure to throw his own notes out where Felix couldn’t find them. They all said basically the same thing ‘you aren’t good enough for him and I will take him from you.’

Locus had to wonder how well this person could know Felix if he thought Felix was someone who could be taken. If Felix wanted to go, he would go, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t. So he worried that ‘take’ would end up being something violent.

Felix had started to shake when Locus kissed him, and pulled away. He choked out that he just couldn’t right then, and went to curl up in his bed. He was wearing the hoodie Locus had gotten him. Given that it was nearly June and it was a winter hoodie it was a comfort in a different way. 

Felix had bad days sometimes. Days where he curled up in his bed and wouldn’t talk, or days where he skipped classes and hid in a dark room the whole time. Locus understood why he would. He understood days when things were too overwhelming to even try to deal with. He had his own days like that. This one was… strange. Felix seemed shaken, scared a little, and guilty. The guilt made him worry. Felix did a lot of things that a lot of people would feel guilty for but didn’t. He couldn’t think of what Felix might do that would cause him guilt.

Locus couldn’t help but be pessimistic. Maybe it had something to do with the end of the year? Maybe Locus was fun for a while but the novelty had worn out and he just didn’t know how to say it? He didn’t _think_ it was likely, but the stranger Felix acted the more worried Locus got.

“Why won’t you tell me what happened?” It had been two days of strange behaviour. Of skipped classes and aversion to touch and hiding in his blankets.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Felix mumbled. His voice sounded strained and shaky and he couldn’t be more obvious that something was wrong if he tried.

“Felix…” Locus sighed, he didn’t know what to do anymore.

“I fucked up. I feel like shit. I don’t wanna talk about it.” Felix snapped and rolled over in his bed to stare at the wall.

“Well…” Locus tried not to feel hurt that Felix was shutting him out like this, “If you do, I’m here.”

Felix mumbled something and hiccuped something like a sob and didn’t respond anymore. It was tearing Locus apart to watch.


	19. First Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some emotional issues finally get brought up

On Saturday Felix sat in the clinic in a winter hoodie in the middle of spring. He felt like everyone knew. He felt like things were going to be awful. He knew the doctors were judging his age when he answered the questions. He felt numb when they took their samples. It would take a week to find out if he had anything. He had a week until he knew how badly he fucked up. 

Despite the heat and the sweater he was shaking by the end of the appointment. Phyllis was quiet when he got back into her car. 

“We should get something to eat. You look like you’re about to go into shock.”

“I feel like I’d just throw it up. I don’t feel good. I can’t…” Felix shook and rubbed his face with his hands. 

“When was the last time you ate?” Phyllis frowned as Felix tried to even his breathing.

“I don’t remember.” Felix gasped out and curled in on himself. It felt too hard to breathe, like everything was crushing down on him. Like he was drowning. He felt like he was dying. His chest hurt so badly. There was such an intense pressure in his head. Every single sound or movement was too much, _far_ too much. He shook his way through what felt like forever trying desperately to breathe before he could start to make sense of his surroundings again. It took a long time though for the dizzy disorientation to pass. He felt like he was going to pass out.

“We’re not going back to the school yet.” Phyllis said softly as he slowly made sense of her. She didn’t reach out to touch Felix and he appreciated that, he didn’t think he could handle anyone touching him right now. “If you find out the name of the boy who did this, please tell me.”

Felix mumbled against his knees and willed everything to stop spinning. 

“We’re going to get you something to eat. And then we’ll see from there. It’s Saturday and you have adult supervision, is there something you want to do?” Phyllis finally turned on her car and pulled out of the clinic’s parking lot.

“I wouldn’t mind shopping?” Felix said weakly. “I want to find something for Locus.”

Phyllis nodded, but didn’t say anything. If she thought it was weird she kept it to herself. Felix really appreciated that about Phyllis.

\---

There was a small box on Locus’ desk and an envelope. At first he was nervous it was going to be something from the stalker but the writing on the envelope was Felix’s. Somehow that didn’t make him feel much better. There was no reason for Felix to be giving him gifts or writing him letters if they lived together. They could talk to each other. That was supposed to be the point. 

He opened the envelope first, because good manners dictated that you open the card first always. It was a basic card with an interesting design, inside Felix had written his own message.

“Thank you for still liking me even after you got to know me. Sorry I keep fucking things up.”

It made his heart hurt and he was scared of what it meant. Somehow it seemed so final.

He opened the box then and found a ring. It was silver with an X pattern carved into it and emeralds lining it. It was a little bit fancy and a little bit tasteful, but mostly it was troubling.

There wasn’t a theme, and there wasn’t a reason. There wasn’t a point to giving Locus a present, especially jewelry. He was torn over the fact that this seemed like an obvious sign of affection which filled him with a sort of joy, and the worry of how out of place it was.

And the card.

Locus put the box in his pocket and went out to find Felix. Which turned out to be harder than it should have been. He looked some of the usual places, asked Kaylee and Abbey when he saw them. He even asked a couple of people he knew were Felix’s friends, but that Locus himself didn’t know. It had been painfully terrifying to approach them but something about the situation seemed so dire that he just dealt with it.

It was finally Zachary who suggested he try the roof. Which was a terrifying thought in itself. Finality, gifts, the roof…

He was being paranoid, he was sure, but he ran for the door Zachary had directed him to and burst out onto the roof.

Felix was laying sprawled on the roof, nowhere near an edge, and Locus kicked himself for the panic he’d convinced himself into.

Felix jumped when Locus slammed the door open and stared at him. 

“Wh-what the fuck are you doing up here?!” Felix scrambled to his feet, and for some reason he looked _so scared_. It made Locus ache to see him like this. 

“I. I got worried.” Locus felt like explaining that somehow he’d interpreted Felix’s card as some sort of suicide note would not help the situation.

“Why? I mean. I don’t.” Felix shoved his hands into his hoodie’s pocket and looked away. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“That, incredibly, does absolutely nothing to ease my worries.” Locus almost felt angry that Felix was being so evasive. If something wasn’t so obviously _wrong_ he would be. 

“Look it. It could be nothing. I don’t know yet. I did, man I fucked something up but I’ll fix it I just. I can’t yet, totally. I guess. I don’t know.” Felix was shifting nervously on the balls of his feet and staring angrily at them. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Please tell me what happened? Please?” Locus took a step forward, and when Felix didn’t flinch he walked up to him. “I know something happened. I don’t know why you won’t explain it but you _can_. You _can_ talk to me.”

“I don’t want to! It’s fucking pathetic. I don’t… I don’t want you to know. It was fucking stupid and I hate that it happened and I let it happen and it’s my fucking fault and I just. I hate it. I hate looking pathetic. I hate you… seeing me like this.” Felix sighed and let his head fall back, his voice cracking slightly. He looked so, so tired.

“Felix.” He reached out and pulled Felix’s hands into his own. “Please let me in. Whatever happened… I just want to help.”

“You always help. You’re always helping and I’m always fucking things up. I’m a fucking trainwreck. I can’t even drive and I’ve fucked myself up so fucking much already. And you just- just help. And care. And. And like me. Somehow. Despite seeing me and knowing me and I can’t… I’m not worth that much, Locus. I fuck _everything_ up. And you have a fucking future. Like an actual chance at an actual future and that’s so fucking huge and I’m just.” He gasped for air and shook his head and his voice was small and shaking when he add. “I’m just a fuck up. I’m going to ruin you.”

“I don’t feel that way.” Locus said sternly, squeezing Felix’s hands gently. “My life is better now that I know you.” Felix laughed bitterly but Locus continued. “I have spent all of my life alone. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t make friends. I have never been so happy, in my entire life, as I have been this year. I’ve been angry my whole life, I’ve been hurt, scared, frustrated and _alone_. This year I have been happy. I have laughed, and I have cared about you. Because I choose to. Because you make me happy. I want my future to have you in it.”

Felix leaned forward and rested his head against Locus’ chest. There was a long moment of silence before Locus realised Felix was crying. Actually crying, in the messy, awful hard to breathe kind of way. Locus wrapped his arms around him and stroked his back gently and let him cry.

“How do you fucking do this? All the time. I fucking. I can’t deal with this. How can you say this shit? How can you _mean_ it? You know who I am. I’m fucking awful. I’m t-trying to fucking _save_ you from me, you asshole.” Felix choked out the words, but still clung to Locus’ shirt like it was all that was keeping him up. 

“I don’t want you to.” Locus sighed and rubbed Felix’s back. “I want you in my life, Felix. Please let me in? Please let me stay here? With you.”

“F-fuck. I _hate_ you. I want you here. I hate this. I need you so much. I _need_ you. I can’t let go. I should do it. If I was a good person I’d let you go. But I can’t. Locus, I can’t.” Felix gasped against him and Locus held him close.

“I’m not letting you go, Felix. So don’t let me go either. Please let me in?”

Felix took a shaking breath, then was quiet for a long moment before finally speaking. “It’s really stupid. I don’t know why it’s fucking me up like this. It’s so fucking stupid.”

“That’s okay. I can live with stupid.” Locus pulled Felix’s hood back gently so he could look at him. His face was red from crying and he looked so completely miserable.

“I kept joking about it but… I mean it was. I let this guy fuck me. I don’t know who he was. I didn’t ask his fucking name it’s so… god. It’s so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. He offered me three hundred bucks and I thought. I just thought ‘well fuck I do that for free all the time.’ And like. I’ve never had three hundred dollars that seemed like a good amount of money. It just seemed so reasonable. I’ve been fucked for basically as long as I can remember. So whatever right? And I. I don’t fuck people without condoms. At least people I don’t know the history, you know? I mean I know this shit. And I fucking told him and I fucking gave him one and he fucking took it off when I wasn’t looking. And I’m freaking out and it’s fucking stupid and it might be about fucking nothing but I keep panicking and I feel so sick and Phyllis took me to a clinic and I just feel so fucking dirty. And I still have a week before I know what’s up and _it’s so stupid_. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Locus felt breathless as he listened to Felix speak, faster and faster as if he could just get it all out at once it would just be over with. He gripped Felix tighter and swallowed his rage because it was useless right now. Maybe he could find the boy who had done this, maybe he couldn’t but either way Felix didn’t need that. Felix didn’t need someone to be angry for him right now.

“Why are you sorry?” Locus asked softly. “There’s no reason for you to apologise.”

“You cared about me. You decided to save my life. You fucking… you do so much and I just… I just fuck up.” Felix rubbed his eyes with one hand and continued holding onto Locus with the other. “I’m sorry. All I know how to do is fuck up.”

“You are not responsible for the things other people have done to you.” Locus tried very hard to keep his voice level. “He tricked you, and has put you at risk, put you through all this. This isn’t your fault.”

“I agreed to have sex with him! For money! I literally-- god everyone acts like that’s worse than doing it for nothing. I--”

“You agreed to have sex with him under conditions he did not meet. I don’t care that he paid you. I don’t care that you had sex for money. I care that deceived you, and that he hurt you. That’s what I care about.” Locus said evenly and smoothed back Felix’s hair. “Having sex doesn’t make you dirty, having sex for money doesn’t make you dirty, being… assaulted didn’t make you dirty. You’re not dirty, Felix.”

Felix shook his head, but couldn’t come up with anything to say, just leaned against Locus and took slow shaking breaths.

“I broke his nose.” He finally offered. He sounded so small and so tired.

“Good.”


	20. First Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some scores end up settled as the first year comes to an end

“I need your help finding a twelfth grader with a broken nose.” Locus found Kaylee in the hallway the next day. 

“Why?” She furrowed her brow and studied him thoroughly. Locus knew full well he looked like garbage. He’d spent the night sitting with Felix and making sure he got real rest, and too angry to sleep himself.

“It’s not my story to tell. I just need to find him.” He could, possibly, handle this on his own, but it seemed the most practical to ask Kaylee. This was something she did well and he only did passably. 

Kaylee frowned and clicked her tongue. “This tie into Felix being sick most of this week?” Kaylee was very good at putting things together. And Locus was probably extremely obvious. There weren’t many things that could work him up like this, and most of them revolved around Felix.

“Yes, but it’s not--”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’ll find him for you.” Kaylee cracked her neck and adjusted her uniform. “Go do what you have to do. I’ll take care of this.”

“Thank you.”

“We take care of our own, right?” She waved over her shoulder and Locus settled a little. That was something taken care of, Kaylee was very good at observing people. Even with a vague description she’d probably come back with a few useful names.

He fidgeted the ring, it had fit his left index finger, as he set off down the hall. He’d never found out why Felix had actually bought him a ring. The best explanation he was able to get was that Felix had felt like it seemed suitable at the time. And that was the way a lot of things ended up going with Felix. It seemed like a good idea at the time. 

Locus wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that that Felix had spent his money from the ordeal on _him_. If it hadn’t made Felix so happy to see him wearing the ring, he wasn’t sure he’d feel comfortable with it. But this was a situation where Felix had been hurt. It wasn’t about Locus’ mild discomfort. That Felix had ended up coping with being hurt by giving him a gift was something he was going to accept.

He visited Felix’s classes and spoke to his teachers, Phyllis had written up a note excusing him from class due to ‘a mild flu’ so Locus was able to collect his homework and some notes for him. Felix was still shaken, and couldn’t deal with all the people in the school. Locus could understand that, even if Felix kept insisting that it was stupid. If he needed a few days or a week Locus was just going to help make that easier for him.

He hoped that since Felix was in their room the whole time, the stalker would stay away. That wasn’t a stressor anyone needed right now.

\---

“I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying.” 

Felix pulled at his hair and curled up in his bed. “This is the end of the world.”

“It’s a set of antibiotics. That means if you take these every day and then you’re cured.”

Felix made a miserable little noise and pulled blankets over top of him. “This is the worst. I hate this. I can’t breathe. I hate this.”

Locus sat down on the bed and stroked the lump that was Felix through the blankets. “This isn’t the best possibility, but it’s not the worst either. It’s curable. Completely curable. Within the month you will be cured.”

Locus wasn’t sure if Felix even knew if he was being dramatic or actually having a panic attack. It might be both. Dramatically trying to cope with his panic attack.

Phyllis had stopped by to deliver the diagnosis and the pill bottle and Felix had just about collapsed. He was shaking badly and gulping air, but was still trying to act over the top. 

“Felix. Thousands of people have STIs in their lives. You have an infection, it will go away _if_ you take your pills as prescribed. You’re not dirty. You’re not tainted. It’s an infection.” Locus tried to coax Felix out from the blankets gently. 

He was covering his face with his hands and breathing in sharp painful sounding gasps. “I’m such a fucking trainwreck.”

Locus sighed and very slowly shifted Felix so he was curled up in his arms. “You’re a little bit of a trainwreck. But that’s okay. And it’s not because of this. This is someone else’s fault. Okay?”

Felix mumbled something like an acknowledgement, at least that he had heard Locus, if not that he agreed with him. Locus hugged him hard and wished there was more he could do than that. When Felix was steady enough to drink something he took his first pill and went to sleep.

\---

“So I found your man.” Kaylee found Locus between classes. 

“You’re sure it’s him?” Locus asked, adjusting the books in his arms.

“Twelfth grade, very broken nose, and saying some shit that makes me pretty fucking sure that yeah, he’s your man.” Kaylee crossed her arm and tilted her head to the side looking unimpressed. “His name is Kyle Neilson. I almost took a swing at him… But I figure you want to take care of that yourself?”

“Ah. Yes, I do. Thank you. Do you know where I can find him now?” Locus nodded grimly, starting to think of what he was going to do.

\---

“Kyle Neilson?” It took a little while but he finally found the boy Kaylee had described to him. And finally managed to meet him while he wasn’t surrounded by other people. If they were having a conversation Locus wasn’t going to have Felix’s information spreading any farther than it may have already. 

“Yeah?” His nose was very broken, the bruising had spread to both of his eyes and a little part of Locus was pleased Felix had caused this boy some discomfort as well. “Wait, I know you.” He looked Locus over and considered a second before sneering. “So, what, he sent his boyfriend? For what? Hurting his feelings?”

It was very difficult work to keep his temper under control, but spoke evenly. “I came on my own. Felix doesn’t even know who you are.” He clenched and unclenched his fist, trying to keep himself under control. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but he needed to do _something_. “First you are going to stop talking about it.”

Kyle laughed and shook his head. “What because it’s so upsetting? Or are you having trouble dealing with everyone knowing what a _whore_ your boyfriend is? I didn’t start that, he just confirmed it on his damn knees--”

Locus hit him as hard as he could. His mind went very blank and all he knew was that he hated this person. His control evaporated and he grabbed Kyle by the front of his shirt and hit him again. He was probably doing as much damage to his hand as he was to this piece of shit but he didn’t care. He just remembered Felix’s broken, desperate sobs, and pain just wasn’t an issue. He just hit him again, and again.

He stopped himself eventually, before he could cause _too_ severe of damage. Though Kyle was dazed and bleeding and supported only by Locus’ hand on his shirt. “You are going to stop talking. Is that understood?” His voice was almost level, just the slightest hint of the fury he’d unleashed and a promise of more. 

“Y-yuh.” Kyle gasped weakly. “Yuh ‘kay.”

“You have to come with me for the second thing.” He said evenly and dragged staggering bastard to Phyllis’ office. “I have some unfortunate news to share with you about your health.”

\---

Phyllis had given Locus ice for his hand and told him to come back if it started getting worse, then had turned her attention to Kyle. 

Locus had decided to let her handle it. He knew there wasn’t much, legally, that could be done. There should be, but there wasn’t. There wasn’t proof. Not solid enough proof to mean anything to the police. And even if they reported it, there was a good chance the police wouldn’t even believe it was a crime. Felix was male, and he had a reputation. Locus wasn’t ignorant enough about the world not to know that those two things would play large factors if they tried to go to the authorities. There was also the legality of the prostitution angle, even if there was no evidence of that either. It would just end up getting both Kyle _and_ Felix in trouble.

Most importantly though Locus knew Felix wanted nothing to do with legality. The process of talking to the police, taking the tests, or even a trial if it came down to that. If Felix didn’t want to go through with that, it was Felix’s right not to. He deserved to have that much control over his own life.

Locus couldn’t bring himself to regret hurting Kyle, though. He’d been afraid of this for months. Since he realised he cared about Felix he knew he’d be willing to fight for him. He should feel more ashamed of himself. He should feel more of _anything_. Mostly he just felt tired. Maybe it would be enough and Kyle wouldn’t do something like this again. Maybe Felix would be able to move on from what happened. Locus didn’t know what would happen. But he could see a little why Felix got so obsessed with the idea of evening the scales. The bastard who had the person he cared about was now hurt in turn. It felt a lot more balanced, even if it wasn’t the right way. 

“ _Jesus fucking christ_! Locus what the _fuck_ happened?” Felix snapped out of his bed as Locus walked in.

“What?”

\---

Locus looked blank. Like he’d gone fully automated. And his hand was bleeding. Or covered in blood. Or both. He was holding an ice pack but wasn’t using it. He just stood in the door and blinked owlishly at Felix as he rushed over to him.

“Give me your hand.” Felix held out his hands and Locus obediently put his own hand in them. “Jesus christ.” He pulled Locus to sit down and grabbed the stupid first aid kit he used all the time when he had fought more. Then wet a cloth so he could wash the blood off. 

Locus was so quiet. He just watched Felix work and said nothing. Once he had the hand clean he could see the knuckles were split and-- “Fucking shit, is that a fight bite? Locus what the fuck happened?”

He grabbed the alcohol from the kit and started washing out the broken skin.

“Are you sure you want to know?” Locus’ voice was soft, almost monotone save for the slightest hint of humour. He was trying to emote. That was… something. 

“Okay great. Sure be an asshole. That’s going to fucking…” Felix grumbled and continued to clean Locus’ injuries. “If this starts to feel even a little bit infected we have to go get actual medical help. You fucking asshole.”

Locus smiled a little bit and Felix made a face at him. “Don’t fucking smile like that. I’m mad at you. Look at this! What the fuck are we going to do about this?”

“You’re coming across a little hypocritical, aren’t you?” 

“Shut the fuck up. I know not to punch people in the fucking _mouth_. Do you know how much shit in the human mouth that can fuck you up? _Any_ sign of infection. Even if it just fucking itches. _Real medical attention_.”

“So I get bit in the knuckle and I need medical attention, you get broken ribs and you can just walk it off?” Locus was starting to actually smile, for real now. Not the half dazed, weird, empty smile.

“Uh, they were cracked. Walking it off is exactly what you _do_ for cracked ribs. On the other hand, being bit in the knuckle can lead to _flesh eating diseases_. So yes. _Real medical attention_.” Felix snapped as he taped the cuts closed and bandaged them, then pressed the ice pack over them.

Locus was silent a moment then nodded. “Flesh eating diseases sound unpleasant.”

“No fucking shit, asshole.” Felix rolled his eyes and shook his head. “What the fuck was this?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time?” Locus offered uncertainly. Felix hissed with annoyance.

“And what the fuck happens if you get charged with assault? What happens to your fucking future, Locus?”

“Sometimes it’s worth it.”

“Oh my god, stop throwing my words back at me and tell me what the fuck is _going on_?” Felix flailed his arms, then got up to wash his hands in the sink. “I’m fucking serious, Locus.”

“I lost my temper.” Locus said after a moment of consideration. 

Felix covered his face with his hands and breathed slowly. “I am. I’m ruining you. Oh my god.”

Locus got up and gently settled his uninjured hand on the small of Felix’s back. “You haven’t ruined anything. I told you. My life is better with you in it.” He leaned down and kissed Felix on the temple. Gently, so gently. “That’s worth fighting for.”

“Stop being so. So. Knowing what to say.” Felix leaned back into the touch and let out an exasperated sound. “How do you always. Do that?”

“I usually have no idea what to say.” Locus admitted. “You’re just easy for me to talk to.”

“God fucking damn it.” Felix choked a laugh and shook his head. “Just… just. _God damn it_.”

\---

Kyle didn’t press charges. Apparently. They didn’t know if that was somehow Phyllis’ doing, or it had something to do with the fact Kaylee had hunted him down as well. She seemed to think there were still some matters that still needed settling.

Kaylee was an extremely scary person.

“It’s good to see you out of your room.” Shesaid, a little dryly but as close to as earnest as she got.

“Yeah I was a little. Uh. Fucked up for a bit.” Felix made a face and sat down with his tray. 

“Well it’s good t’ see ya back on your feet. We missed ya.” Abbey grinned brightly at him.

“No one derails an awkward conversation with quite as much style as you do.” Anthony said tiredly, but he still smiled a little. “Though you usually also start the awkward conversations to begin with…”

“Thanks. Glad to serve a purpose.” Felix smiled and leaned his elbows on the table, resting his chin in his hand. “What’d I miss?”

“Mostly bullshit. It’s remarkable how quiet things become without you.” Anthony smirked a little as he looked down at his food.

Felix flipped him off.

“Felix, you’re back!” Zachary jogged up with a grin. “Worried about you.”

Felix swallowed thickly and forced a grin. He didn’t know why Zachary was making him feel like panicking except that he might ask for some fun, and Felix didn’t think he was up for that yet. He wasn’t up for much of anything yet. It was driving him crazy. “Yeah. Mostly.”

“Must’ve been a helluva bug. D’you need any notes from writing? I think I got everything you missed.” Zachary started digging around his bag before producing a notebook.

“Uh. Yeah. I. That would be useful.” Felix nodded and took the book and tried to forget the rushing in his ears. This was Zachary. It was okay. Things were okay. He couldn’t just walk around being stupid like this. He’d been through worse. He’d had worse. He had _no idea_ why everything felt so overwhelming now. He’d treated himself like shit, and let others do worse for years. Suddenly that felt like more of a big deal.

“Still look like you’re shaking it off.” Zachary winced. “Man, take care of yourself. Gimme a shout if you need anything, okay?” He patted Felix on the arm. “I gotta run though, so keep those ‘til class tomorrow, kay? Good to see ya back on your feet!”

Felix waved him off and Zachary took off to tackle someone across the cafeteria with a ‘whoop’. Felix felt himself start to breathe again. Of course Zachary would be normal. Zachary didn’t demand. Even if he had asked he’d have accepted a no. That was why Zachary had been worth keeping.

He felt Locus’ hand on his back again and warmth began to return to his limbs. He took a slow shaky breath and grinned. “Ugh this just won’t quit.”

“Don’t fucking puke on me or I swear to god…” Kaylee arched an eyebrow. Felix knew that she knew what was really going on with him, at least partially. He was grateful that she still went with the story.

“Phyllis says I’m not contagious anymore. And don’t worry I know to aim for Anthony.”

“Hey!”

\---

The ending of finals was much more melancholy this time around. At least for Felix. This time didn’t have the promise of a few days off and the start of another semester. This time meant a few days to gather your things and then get out.

Felix stood in their room looking at everything. His pile of blankets and pillows were folded and neatly laid out, the closet had been emptied out into bags, the desks were bare of pencils and random notes. It felt so sterile and… empty. He’d found one last note while packing up. All it said was “I’ll find you.” Again he didn’t know if it was supposed to be a threat or not. Either way he threw the note out. Let them come, they’d have to fight his mother if they found him over the summer. That would make a lot of things worthwhile.

“Hey?” Locus leaned in the doorway, and Felix looked up at him with a shaky smile. 

“Well it looks like we made it, huh?” Felix laughed a little and shifted on his toes. 

“Seems like we did.” Locus nodded and stepped into the room. 

Felix blew out a breath of air, then laughed. “This sucks. Who’s disappointed it’s summer? I am a total failure as a teenager.”

Locus smiled and reached out to take his hand. “We’re going to be in the same city. We could… do you have some way for me to reach you?”

Felix shook his head and made a face. “Naw. My mother’d never let me get a phone call. I don’t have a cell, either so… I don’t know how much I’ll be able to get out, anyway. I pissed her off a _lot_ at Christmas.”

Locus squeezed his hand gently and put a paper into it. “That’s my contact information, for where I’m staying this summer.”

Felix smiled and nodded, looking at the paper before tucking it into his pocket. “If I can’t it’s not…”

“I know. If you can’t, then I’ll see you in September.” Locus smiled softly and Felix felt like there was a lump building in his throat. He still had no idea how to react to someone smiling so honestly at _him_.

“Yeah. At least there will be September.” Felix admitted and leaned up to kiss Locus gently, trying to desperately hold on to some aspect of this moment just a little bit longer.

Locus leaned down into it, cupping Felix’s face in his hands and just holding him a moment before he finally had to let go.

“I’m not going to give up on summer, though. It’s not that big of a city.” Locus said with a little bit of a shrug.

“If I get out, I’ll come find you. We’ll do something normal teenagers do.” Felix grinned. He didn’t want to hope, there wasn’t a very big chance of it, but… but maybe. There was still that littlebit of possibility. That might be enough to get him through.

“That would be an interesting change of pace.” Locus laughed.

Felix memorised the sound, just in case it had to hold him over to September. “I’m glad this year happened. Bumps and all.”

“I am too.” Locus leaned down to kiss his forehead lightly. “We have two more. This isn’t the end.”

“You’re right. It’s not the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for reading this! The first year is done, and I'm writing a little summer thing while I plan out the second year. It's been kind of wild writing all of this. I hope y'all stick around for the next parts. Thank you!!!


End file.
